Dating Thread 136 - Can Anybody Find Me Somebody to Love?

[ValMc1]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

sky I don't mean your radius of preference, i mean your actual location setting. So you fall within THEIR radius iykwim.

Thanks Daff, your right, he wouldn’t arrange more dates if he wasn’t interested? I need to calm down.

metigger I agree with Tom ,no way would I change my appearance for someone I’m dating, if he doesn’t like my hair as it is tough shit. I would find someone commenting on my looks a real turn off TBH, this is what I look like, what I decide to look like, if people don’t like it then tough.

I am paying attention to all the wise advice, I’m not seeing him now until Sunday afternoon.

Absolutely gutted to find we are red flagging each other - fuck fuck fuck

Will read full thread to get up to speed with everyone else’s updates and be back later

metigger I think it all depends how it was brought up and talked about. My FWB started to "shape" his beard when we started dating, he wanted to do it, I never suggested he did, said it was the first time he had ever "groomed" himself like that (think surfing hippy). I didn't suggest he changed it, he felt like he wanted to and it really suited him. Once he realised he didn't want the hassle of doing that all the time, he went back to a hairy mess and I still fancied the pants off him.

Its not a red flag if you are just chatting about things, and suggest you prefer a clean shaven man. It is if you are saying you want to mould that person into your ideal.

FWB turned up the other day again without shoes. I wouldn't tell him shoudl wear them, because that is his bag and I accept him 100% for who he is.

I think people have jumped on this a bit, does it feel like you are trying to change him or vice versa? If not, chill your boots and go for it.

Just had someone else want me to give them a 'firm hand'. I've obviously missed my calling. After I have been pruned next week, I might take up one of these lunatics. It's been so long since I had sex, I half feel I should have a practice run with someone I have no intention of having a relationship with! It's like riding a bike yes? Will I need WD40?

It's like doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch or having your tummy tickled from the inside Daffo

A practice run sounds like a good idea daffo. Get back on the horse. I know what it's like to be in a desert, and how great the oasis is when you find it. I'll never leeve it that long again!

You don't forget btw. And if he's good enough, you won't need the WD40 either!

Hi wise daters! I read some of your thread and have a question: how do you stop yourselves from over-investing in one person in the early stages? Even when you are seeing multiple people, what if one person stands out and you want him/her, not the others after only a few dates? How do you stop yourselves from acting "needy" which seems to be the most sacrilegious thing in modern dating?

Change of underwear... check
Toothbrush... check
Toothpaste... check
Shower gel... check
WD40... shit shit shit

anavia just keep your options open. Don't get too sucked in to one person. But this depends on whether you are looking to fall in love and find a life partner or just shag about a bit. If the latter, then overinvestment is less likely but still possible I guess. If the former, then you just need to delay how invested you get in the early stages (in case it goes wrong and you get hurt), because ultimately your goal is to be very invested in the relationship!

So, how to delay emotional gratification in the early stages....I would say try and play it cool, take it slowly and don't start shaving each other's beard just yet.

Kin use a spreadsheet - sad to say I have a packing one - I put in the number of days and it works out how many knickers/bras/ contacts etc I need - need to get a life but at least I don't forget anything!

Erm... ok val

Right. Leaving for my date. Stiff G&T.
Absolutely bricking it because on paper/chats we're mega compatible.
I'm trying to remember that I am appraising him too.
Long history of 'rejection' via jobs/men. I realise though, that it's probably self-fulfilling at this point.

Any tips?

All those on dates tonight enjoy!!

sosogood just tell yourself you don't care. I totally fucked up my first date with bloke1 as I got too nervous because I knew he was exactly my type and we really got on and he was hot. As a result I went in and rambled and spoke the whole fucking night (which I do when I am nervous and worried about overinvesting) and it was awful and awkward. Wish I had walked round the block first changing I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE. I would suggest doing that!

Changing = chanting!

Soso take a deep breath just before meeting/ big smile and enjoy !!!

If you send someone a normal text (not Whatsapp etc) and its sends ok, does that mean they received it? Or is it impossible to tell?

I sent Mr Insecure a text asking if everything was ok. Late last night, after our date, he sent a WA message saying he'd like to see me again. This morning he had blocked me.
I'm confused but at the same time arranging a date with someone else for tomorrow

Can I ask your opinion on distance?

One guy has sent me a message and we are having a lovely chat but he is miles away from me though we both work in town.

I have a rule about distance- mine is set v short because where I am, it does take time to get places.

Thing is both of us have older independent kids. His have left home. So in a way, if we wanted to date it's easy as we can meet after work and I could go to his after work and vice versa. Normally I would not even entertain someone who was this far away but he is coming across really well and is JUST my type.

runs why is he blocking you. How utterly ludicrous! I would just leave it if he's going to be like that.

Are you sure he's blocked you and not just turned off his last time seen?

Daffo His photo has disappeared and I sent a reply saying I'd like to see him again but only got 1 tick. So not delivered.

I think he's got cold feet. We got on really well, I thought, but he was quite anxious. We'd talked on the phone earlier in the week and discussed the idea of Fwb vs relationship. And I thought we'd agreed to just take one step at a time.

I'm not going to chase him. Just thought I'd try to see if a text got through.

runs I would say it's easy to think he is being a prick but he's probably scared himself shitless and needs a bit of time to think about it. I think your approach is right (to back off) but he needs to grow a pair really lol (in the nicest possible way) as it's not fair on you to be treated that way but he may be protecting himself (though it's not a great excuse). You know what I mean though.

Daffo I think your spot on. Will be interesting to see if he resurfaces.

Your distance question - it wouldn't work for me. I wouldn't want to be stuck with just the 'meeting after work' option. What about weekends? Would you want to travel to see each other then?

*you're not your

Oh dear! Sorry folks

Does anyone think it is a red flat that a man you are dating follows a lot of other women on Instagram. Some are fitness models which I understands.
Others just random women, either local to Home or Work town. They don't follow back so I don't think they are speaking. I think I am probably making something out of nothing in my head but would like to her opinions.