Dating Thread 136 - Can Anybody Find Me Somebody to Love?

[ValMc1]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

There’s obviously a sudden spate of guys with no sense of humour on OLD at the moment but have to say your tennis guy is the winner so far Bendy Did you respond?!

Oh Love I think you’re overthinking Mr Campervan, like you say, nerves probably got the better of you. From what you say he seems keen, would you not be better talking to him face to face about what’s happening rather than via text as we all know how screwed up text can get when you’re trying to have a ‘proper’ conversation! Hahaha about him being like Howard from Big Bang though!

I’ve a second date lined up tomorrow with Mr Perv and a date with Mr PP on Tuesday but I’m not feeling it with either of them to be honest, I’m still hung up on Mr Local and may message him later and suggest a another meet up -and maybe DTD again-

I attract a shitload of hairy handed truckers.

Apologies Daffo, I really am on gardening leave and the chocolate addiction plays havoc with my sleeping pattern.

Kev x

lovemusic relaxing and getting outside of your own head is exactly right, as you say. In my experience, most men, not all, live more in the present than plan for the future. If you and he are having a good time now, then that may be all he is thinking about. Do you think an enquiry about where it's going at this stage (it's still very early) could therefore jeopardise what you have now?

And you rightly point out that it's unfair on him to compare him to someone else who he isn't.

If the thoughts you are having are really messing with your head (affecting your mood, enjoyment of sex, influencing your actions, etc), can you think of another way to assuage them that doesn't involve potential self sabotage?

Forgive me as I'm being a bit #toughlove here because my first reaction to your post was "Nooooooooooo". You've clearly got something good here. Keep it.

#girlsgottasticktogether

What have you got to be extra nervous about Love? Do you need to set up another date or two with others to suppress some over investment?

I’m really confused as to what he wants Ask him, us men welcome direct questions!

I’m probably giving off the wrong signals whilst trying to play it cool Maybe don't play it cool then - better to lose him through honesty than suppression of what you are really feeling isn't it? Dating is supposed to be fun :)

He has asked to see me again Tuesday and mentioned maybe seeing me Saturday Sounds like it's going well to me!

he reminds my of one of my closest friends... Everyone on this planet is unique so he definitely isn't exactly like your mate. If in doubt about his intentions, ask. Again, us men like direct questions.

We DTD again last night but I just wasn’t feeling it as my mind was all over the place That's the one time when you really want to let go and enjoy the moment in its entirety. Can you refocus on everything that's good, the fact that you've had five dates, that he is already thinking of two more?

kin many more men would be scared off by that directness about the future than you may suspect.

Actually, I totally agree with you Bendy but in this instance I think the not knowing may cause Love to self-sabotage (sorry for talking about you in the third person) so my thinking is it may be to go all in, shit or bust.

I need more coffee!

I mean men generally appreciate the "where are we going" chat at the appropriate time, not too early on, but in this instance I think there may be nothing to lose by asking it now as the doubt of not knowing could become an insurmountable issue.

esk1mo no-one on mumsnet has sent me a dick pic ;) I found when I was on tinder, as soon as I went to whats app with some guys, the dick pics were released ;)

If anyone remembers Mr 25 year old who I had a ONS with, he continues to send me pictures almost every days of his amazing torso or face. He is a handsome dude, and he has a great body (think V :) but its so boring. I either ignore him, or a thumbs up, so say "yep still handsome" or "abs are coming on". thing is he is a really nice guy, he doesn't need to do it! He hasn't got the message yet, but its kinda cute he still thinks about me ;)

Love it is early days still but I also agree with Kin it may be better for you to bring it up rather than allowing the not knowing become a bigger issue. I would maybe do it face to face rather than by text though.

Not had chance to read everything since I last posted but had a skim over!
@Lovemusic33 it is still very early days and the fact he's asked to see you again sounds like you can't have put him off too much!
Maybe have the chat lightly though so you know where you stand, so hard to not overthink everything!

Considering I started off absolutely hating OLD it's not going too badly. I'm going for dinner next week with a 24 year old but I could honestly chat with him forever. I'm not sure I find him attractive but he's already said he isn't bothered if it goes anywhere, feel like I've made a lovely new friend if nothing else. I'll report back unless of course I'm a horrific judge of character and I end up locked in his basement

Totally the opposite to the other 24 year old I had yesterday who spent nearly all day trying to convince me he could do things to me that no man ever had 🙄 in the end I felt like I was being cruel to an eager little puppy but it was amusing nonetheless!

Good luck to all those with dates this weekend! I'll have a proper read through tonight when I have more time

Your all right, I need to try and relax a bit and try not to over invest, I think I'm going to go on a date with someone else on sunday. I have text Mr Campervan and have had a message back, he said he enjoyed spending time with me last night. I just find it hard to work out what he wants and I'm too scared to ask him as I fear rejection. This is tue first person I have really liked in a long time and I don't want to mess it up. There's also the fear of the unknown own, I don't know him very well yet, he might not have shown his true colours. I just need to enjoy our dates and not over think things.

Runs glad you liked him and hope you hear from him again. You probably are but just be wary of the 'I've been terribly hurt so don't know what I want' thing which invariably actually means 'I want to shag you but not let you make any emotional demands on me whatsoever'.

esk go on the gym night out! Never know who you might meet!

Bendy what could tennis be a euphemism for?! I don't get that one either and I love innuendo.

Love it does seem like you're overthinking. It's very early days yet, try to relax and see how it pans out for a while, obviously as long as he's treating you well etc.

I'm seeing Mr DM on Sunday, another all day date. Haven't managed to see him since last Sunday as we've both been working long hours - he's on a new project thing and been getting home at 8.30-9pm every night. He's still unfailingly in touch every day though. He wanted to do something tonight but I can't and he can't do tomorrow night which was a shame, but looking forward to Sunday anyway.

Esk yes definitely go on that gym evening...who knows. Like you I'd actually quite like to meet someone in RL.

Seems like things are going well with loads of you at the mo vet enjoy your date on Sunday.

Lol at you being cruel to a puppy wishy hope the other date goes well.

Long may all the good dates continue!

Kin I think no your right, I’m building up the courage to go all in. I think I would rather know what his intentions are now rather than carry on thinking this will lead to a relationship when he might have other plans. For now I’m going to try and keep busy and find things to fill my time, just had a look at doing some classes at the gym and went swimming this morning.

As I predicted, Mr Insecure has done a runner. Blocked me on WhatsApp.
Why can't I find some normal?

Runs I think it’s very hard to find anyone normal on OLD. Your gut was right with this one, he sounded insecure from the starts, there’s a lot like this on OLD.

Just remember that mine is only one of many opinions here Love. Going all in comes with risk but I think you know there is another type of risk lurking around the corner if you don't.

It's a tough choice - I hope it pans out how you hope it will.

Your right Kin but if I don’t go all in the anxiety from not knowing will probably mess things up anyway. I haven’t really got anything to lose?
Last night he asked me if I had just met up with him because I wanted to go paddle boarding and have sex? (Asked in a jokey kind of way), I said ‘no’ but didn’t really explain that I came to see him because I really like him. So this morning I text saying “I came because I really wanted to see you and I enjoy spending time with you”, I’m not sure if that’s enough for him to know I’m not just after a FWB? He did reply saying “really enjoyed last night too and enjoyed being with you”.

Love I think going all in may not get you what you want. Try to go with the flow for a little bit longer - I think he has shown you that he thinks about you (messages while away), and is obviously keen to see you again. It's hard, I know.

lovemusic whatever you decide to do about Mr CV, you should enter the Loose Women competition today! Closes 3pm. Star prize is a special edition £50k VW campervan! And cash.

A friend told me about it, ahem.

Loves I think you just need to go with the flow - he seems into you, he's suggesting thoughtful dates etc.

Mind, like I'm any bloody authority on dating 🙄

I'm completely iron less now. My last iron, who I had 3 dates with has turned into a friend - we're going to a local festival together. Which is lovely, but frustrating.

I put a new photo on my profile. Initially it was great - loads more views etc. BUT, I'm now even more depressed as there aren't any messages to go with the views. So clearly it's not a good photo 😂

How do I find an even semi normal bloke who I actually fancy and fancies me back?!?! This is like some next level finding life on Mars science 😂

...there aren't any messages to go with the views. So clearly it's not a good photo

Have you invested time in writing a good profile Sky? For me that's more important than the photos and I won't message someone who has made a less than compelling case for doing so with the words they have written about themself.

sky I think it’s good that you are still friends with a old iron, I have made a few friends through OLD, I’m always up for making new friends as I don’t have a huge amount of RL friends.

Hi everyone, quick update from me - everything going ok with Mr Surveyor, I was supposed to meet Mr LovelybutYoung and Mr Slightly mysterious last Friday but cancelled both as it didn’t feel right. I’ll be back later this evening once I’ve read the full thread (our dating stories are moving fast!)

Who needs young or mysterious when you can get surveyed instead, eh?