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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he having a mid-life crisis or some kind of breakdown?

309 replies

sausagelegs101 · 06/07/2018 08:38

I just want to connect with others and get some other views as I'm so upset about what has just happened with my partner of 7 years.

Our relationship has been really good, great friends and really attracted to each other, able to talk about everything, able to give each other space and trusted each other. I thought we had it great. I've got so many amazing memories with him.

Well I am devastated because I have just been off work recovering from surgery for a few months, pretty rough going.

Getting through it though and recovered really well. Into the third month of me recovering he starts to act a bit off, not sitting close to me, looking really excited when he gets a text (the way you do when you're flirting maybe) Not paying much attention to me and always on his phone.

Well I didn't think too much of it at first, I thought he was going out and letting his hair down as it been stressful few months and he deserved some fun. I think it must have set something off because I started having nightmares that he was with other women. Thought it was odd.

Then he started dressing differently, not sure how to explain, bit younger than his years? He's not one to buy new clothes much and he started buying new clothes every few days.
Asking how he looked. I thought ok, nice that he's treating himself. He then starts going out drinking a lot even when he has work at 6am and not telling me where he is.

One day this all came to a head when I was talking to him about a hospital appointment and he couldn't keep off his phone and smiling at whatever was on there, not answering me so I got angry and said stop pushing me away and he exploded and said 'I'm leaving, I've had enough of being with you, I'm finding a house share.'

I was really upset and we had a really horrible few weeks where he was out all day and all night and blowing hot and cold with me and changing his mind.

I feel like in the space of a couple of weeks he has turned into a different person completely. He started going out with 20 year olds from work drinking, dressing differently, and now I find out that it was because of some teenager he met.

He said 'she turned his head' and he wants to 'try it out' with her. He's moving into a shared house up the road and is starting a relationship with her (she lives with her parents!) he says he doesn't even know if it will last but he wants to try it out.

I'm so bloody confused, I feel like in a matter of weeks he's completely changed. I keep wondering if he's having some kind of meltdown? He's throwing 7 years and a home and financial security away for what? 'to test out a teenage life'?!

I've tried to reason with him and ask if it was anything to do with me being not able to be there for him the last few months. I told him what he meant to me and that he can talk to me about anything he's worried about.

I asked him what kind of girl he thinks he's getting involved with that won't wait for a clean break and messes about with an engaged man of 38? (Not just blaming her, I did say he was just as bad)

Pretty much just the same answers every time 'I like talking to her' I like being with her more than you' and stuff like that, he says he only has 'familiarity' with me. But everything was fin a few weeks ago?

He's booked holidays and trips with me just a month ago? He hasn't even told anyone what he's doing, friends family etc to get anyone elses' perspective.

Anyone been through anything similar with any thoughts or advice as to what is going on?

OP posts:
Howsoon · 17/10/2018 14:55

She owed you nothing. True. It's his choice to cheat yes. But that's like saying you'd step over someone in the street as you don't know them. It's basic human decency.

Orange6904 · 17/10/2018 15:09

She knew I was ill, I was off my feet for over 12 weeks post fracture fixation surgery and she had met me once. But I suppose it is true, it's him I should be angry with.

I suppose it's just part of it, is it just part of the process? I was wondering if anger is the last part of the process?

Orange6904 · 17/10/2018 15:11

Sorry repeating myself there, just nice to talk to other's that have been through similar experiences as people in real life close colleagues, family tend to brush you off if they haven't been through it. On here everyone was really helpful and helped me see clearly. Thanks again.

HB2Me · 17/10/2018 15:32

Glad to hear from you OP. I remember your thread. I think you’ve been very strong and I think you will continue to get stronger.

If she has gone off to uni, realistically it probably isn’t going to last between them.

I agree that you should be angry st your husband but I think her behaviour was equally bad.

Orange6904 · 17/10/2018 15:44

Thanks HB2Me, I'm doing really well now except for these angry feelings that keep flaring up now and then. Some good news, doing well after the injury so not all doom and gloom. :)

hellsbellsmelons · 17/10/2018 15:49

Yes it's all normal.
I can say all that, up thread, but I hated the OW too.
But time, and his actions, showed me that she HAD done me a favour.
A BIG favour in fact.
You'll get there.
But it does take time.

Orange6904 · 17/10/2018 16:21

Thanks hellsbellsmelons, at least I know I'm not finally cracking up I suppose. Wouldn't wish it on anyone else but glad to know it's not just me.

Olderbyaminute · 17/10/2018 18:14

Sausage so glad you are recovering well from your injury! I hope the asshole you were with has leg cramps in his sleep tonight. What a total waste of space!

Orange6904 · 17/10/2018 19:54

Lol @Olderbyaminute thanks :)

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