I've been messaged by an OW

[Bloodyfucksake]

I've name changed.
My husband works away. I normaly have no trust issues. I'm busy at home- I work and have 3 DC.
I was out for the day with the DC and had my phone on battery saving mode so couldnt see the internet. Once I'd gotten home and charged it a bit I could see there were messages on Messenger and Instagram from the same woman.

She said she wanted to tell me about my husband. That somethinf had happened and she felt as a woman and mother that she should let me know.

I replied asking her to give me more information. Anyway, we exchanged a few messages. She said that my husband got her pregnant and that she lost it.

I'm not sure what to make of this. He's been gone for 4 weeks, and I'm pretty sure the 1st week he was working intensively. I know after that he has had the opportunity to go out. So even if she met him 3 weeks ago- could she have gotten pregnant and lost it?

She keeps saysing things like 'Don't think I'm a bitch' and 'Please stop freaking out' , 'Please stop caĺling your husband and freaking out at him'.

But I'm not freaking out. I called my husband once. He said he did go out with colleagues and meet a group of girls. That this one girl has been messaging him and apparently saying she has been sent from God to save our marriage.

Now, while maybe the pregnancy thing is not correct- what is he doing meeting up with girls. Why has she got his details.

I have asked her to explain to me what happened e.g. how she met him, how she knows him, what happened but her responses don't answer my questions. She just keeps saying "Don't freak out, please let me tell you the whole story" and "he loves you really"

I feel quite detached. As if theres some sort of drama going on that Im not really part of.

Any idea what I should do?

He didn't admit anything, other than meeting a group of girls. Maybe they exchanged FB details or something?

What I would like to know is what how your husband explained why this girl thought she'd been sent from God to save your marriage? What exactly did he say to her for her to think your marriage was in trouble?

And is she also messaging other wives in the group? Maybe ask someone else if they've had any weird messages...

Sorry I missed the bit where 'he admitted it'

As you were...

He admitted to sleeping with her? Or meeting her? Please come back.

@Bloodyfucksake
Well he admitted it so I guess my questions are answered.

What did he admit? sleeping with her? or meeting her?

why don't posters read properly?

He has not admitted anything except that he and his work mates 'met a group of women' which could mean anything at all.

It could mean bumping into a crowd in a pub. And chatting. It could mean having group sex. It could be some silly cow of a woman who is up to mischief .

Hope you are ok 👍

@QueenoftheNights- maybe because if OP found out her husband has been shagging other women on business trips, she has a little more on her mind than a follow up post? Big difference to this is weird, is my husband shagging other women, to yes, he’s confirmed he’s shagging other women. I doubt I’d be back for a while with an update.....

But I agree that what she said he admitted to is ambiguous

Hi, sorry to disappear. I was doing the school run and reading the 7 million screen shots this woman is sending me.

My husband admitted to meeting her out with colleagues but then seeing her again , like on dates. He has not admitted to sleeping with her.

She is now sending me screenshots of messages where she talks about being worried she has missed her period and he is responding by asking if shes ok, gelling her to get looked at by the doctor and so on. So while the messages don't give definate proof of sex, it would be a strange conversation to have with a guy you'd just dated once or twice.

The husband is hiding behind the time zone difference although I can see he's read my message. He hasn't responded.

I don't even know what I'm asking of you, posters, general advice please I think.

Thank you

Exactly @SD1978

Just to wish you well if you do check in OP.

It's a tricky one. They clearly have some sort of relationship, but there's no guarantee its nothing more than platonic on his part, especially as his replies to her messages seem very non committal. Does she say explicitly in the messages that she's worried she is pregnant by him?
Either he's been up to no good, or she's a loon, or it's a heady blend of a bit of both. No matter what it is, to read your message and ignore is pretty shitty regardless of time zones.
Hope you're ok.

That doesn't look good. I don't think I would be believing your husbands version of events I'm afraid, sorry this is happening.

She is now sending me screenshots of messages where she talks about being worried she has missed her period and he is responding by asking if shes ok, gelling her to get looked at by the doctor and so on. So while the messages don't give definate proof of sex, it would be a strange conversation to have with a guy you'd just dated once or twice.

Very suspect I'm afraid.

If he's not saying "well it can't be me who got you pregnant" back to her, then they've clearly had sex haven't they.
No man would accept being told they've gotten someone pregnant if they haven't actually had sex with the person.

He is bullshitting you by only admitting to parts and hoping that he can slip through the net without being found out completely.

Yes the girl does sound unhinged but she's showing you proof of their possible relationship.

Oh XPost.

Are the messages definitely from your H? I don't mean by the 'name' (which she might be able to tamper with) but the tone/language?

It does sound like you have some answers and I'm really sorry. Your H is probably buying time and trying to find out how much she has told you before he makes contact. Could this have perhaps happened on a previous trip? Three weeks is a very short time to meet someone, date them, suspect pregnancy, discover pregnancy, lose baby, come clean...

But not impossible I suppose.

You must be in shock. What an utterly crappy thing to happen, but in a way - good that she felt awful enough to tell you. You say that there were no trust issues in your marriage before, so you could have been carrying on oblivious...

so the screenshots, do they show his actual number? not being funny, but i could save a number with his name, and have a conversation with 'myself'

alternatively - if she is a bit weird (gift from god) etc, she might be imagining things and his replies might be a 'erm i dont know what to reply - i'll ask about practical things - ie doctors etc' ??

I think tell her to stop messaging you now. Surely you've seen enough and need to get to the bottom of it with your DH. I wouldn't have anymore contact with her....you've seen enough, block her. What does she want from you? What happens from this point onwards is your business and not hers. Good luck OP!

No, there is no number on the screen shots but there is a tiny pic of him in the corner. Its a photo I took.

She sounds obsessed.

When you do talk to your DH, assume the screenshots are actually genuine....see how he responds.

I saw your reference to feeling detached. I remember that feeling and wanted to offer sympathy.

Is that photo his Facebook or WhatsApp profile pic?

Oh OP, what a shocking and confusing time for you, and

To be honest I'd let this woman send you everything she's got. Every.Single.Thing. Because if it were me I would not be able to look back and wonder what I hadn't seen. Rip the plaster off and all that.

At first I thought this woman was just plain bonkers, but when you said your dh admitting to meeting a bunch of girls... I mean it just didn't sit comfortably. And I'm feeling more and more inclined to give this woman air space...

But it's your life, don't go on what I'd do unless you really want to hear what she has to say. But I would be using her to get all the information I could if I were you, and it it turns out to be information that proves her to be a crazy fantasist well thank holy heaven for that; and if, when you speak to your dh, in turns out he's contracting what you've seen with your very own eyes... well, you come back here for some unMumsnetty hugs.

Could he have known her for longer than you thought?

It sounds like he slept with her, AND she's a nut. It's not an either-or. I'm so sorry, OP, this is a rubbish situation.