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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've been messaged by an OW

352 replies

Bloodyfucksake · 05/07/2018 03:06

I've name changed.
My husband works away. I normaly have no trust issues. I'm busy at home- I work and have 3 DC.
I was out for the day with the DC and had my phone on battery saving mode so couldnt see the internet. Once I'd gotten home and charged it a bit I could see there were messages on Messenger and Instagram from the same woman.

She said she wanted to tell me about my husband. That somethinf had happened and she felt as a woman and mother that she should let me know.

I replied asking her to give me more information. Anyway, we exchanged a few messages. She said that my husband got her pregnant and that she lost it.

I'm not sure what to make of this. He's been gone for 4 weeks, and I'm pretty sure the 1st week he was working intensively. I know after that he has had the opportunity to go out. So even if she met him 3 weeks ago- could she have gotten pregnant and lost it?

She keeps saysing things like 'Don't think I'm a bitch' and 'Please stop freaking out' , 'Please stop caĺling your husband and freaking out at him'.

But I'm not freaking out. I called my husband once. He said he did go out with colleagues and meet a group of girls. That this one girl has been messaging him and apparently saying she has been sent from God to save our marriage.

Now, while maybe the pregnancy thing is not correct- what is he doing meeting up with girls. Why has she got his details.

I have asked her to explain to me what happened e.g. how she met him, how she knows him, what happened but her responses don't answer my questions. She just keeps saying "Don't freak out, please let me tell you the whole story" and "he loves you really"

I feel quite detached. As if theres some sort of drama going on that Im not really part of.

Any idea what I should do?

OP posts:
Northernparent68 · 05/07/2018 06:50

Please do not end your marriage over this. Contrary to what is written above there is often smoke without fire, some damaged people like destroying other people’s happiness.its not clear how she got your number but ask your husband.

Toodamnhot · 05/07/2018 06:50

Can you actually call her and speak to her?

C0untDucku1a · 05/07/2018 06:51

Northern he admitted it. Should she still not end her marriage?

KateMiddletonsOtherMum · 05/07/2018 06:54

Hi, I had something similar and I was suspicious as my FB messages didn't stack up. The "OW" (who then turned into a man doing his "female friend" a favour) turned out to be a disgruntled work colleague of my DH's. He had faced a disciplinary- he later resigned after harassing a female colleague.

Is your DH's phone locked? Could someone have got hold of it and found your number?

Fivelittleduckies · 05/07/2018 06:55

Sorry OP Flowers

Ophelialovescats · 05/07/2018 06:56

Sorry to hear this op.
You will get good advice here .

KateMiddletonsOtherMum · 05/07/2018 06:57

The OP's DH admitted that he met a girl whilst with a group of colleagues. As far as we know, the current status is not that he has admitted to sleeping with her.

LEMtheoriginal · 05/07/2018 06:57

Worst case scenario is that there was a ONS and she has turned bunny boiler. Equally it could be that she was interested in your dh but he turned her down. She only needed a name and an inkling if where he was fro. Job etc for her to be able to Facebook stalk him and then cause havoc.

C0untDucku1a · 05/07/2018 06:58

Ok, now read the rest of tge thread Hmm

Footballmumofthefuture · 05/07/2018 06:59

Oh OP I hope you're okay Flowers

NotARegularPenguin · 05/07/2018 06:59

How would she have got your phone number? Via his mobile? In which case it’s likely they’re sleeping together, if it was just meeting up in a pub she wouldn’t get opportunity to go through his phone.

Any chance it’s been going on longer than the 4 weeks he’s just been away? Previous trips? Working late? Having an affair with a colleague?

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 05/07/2018 07:00

How on earth did she get your number. She must have had access to your dh’s Phone. Most people would keep it on them in a night club.

I’m sorry you are going through this op. I hope there is a reasonable explanation

C0untDucku1a · 05/07/2018 07:01

Worst case senario is he had a ons sho turned bunny boiler

Those pesty unhinged women. Sleeping with innocent husbands. Hmm

Id say worst case senario is more likely, since he works away, he regulalrly has one night stands.

Vitalogy · 05/07/2018 07:01

She only needed a name and an inkling if where he was fro. Job etc for her to be able to Facebook stalk him and then cause havoc. Is this enough to get his wife's phone number?

QueenoftheNights · 05/07/2018 07:03

called my husband once. He said he did go out with colleagues and meet a group of girls

You called him? So you've not yet seen him face to face to talk about it?

.
Met a group of girls is not admitting anything. It could be a few drinks and a bit of banter in a pub /club.
But how she got your name and number is weird. Unless she is loopy and your neighbour or someone and not a woman he has ever met.

I think your focus ought to be on who can find you online on Instagram- have you an unusual name, how could you be found (without someone talking to your DH), or is your Facebook profile public (or his?) so that anyone can find you?

IF she lost his child it's clearly not a ONS so we'd need to know if he goes away often, to the same place, could build up a relationship with someone at those trips etc.

What do you think?

QueenoftheNights · 05/07/2018 07:05

@Vitalogy . Is this enough to get his wife's phone number?

Does she have her phone number?

lalascribbles · 05/07/2018 07:07

OP has said she sent messages via messenger and Instagram. I'm assuming she means fb messenger so phone number not required. If she's found him on fb, she's easily going to find his wife.

MrsMozart · 05/07/2018 07:08

She found you on FB, rather than got your mobile number? All she'd need for that is your name and location (as I understand it) and that would easily come out in conversation.

I wouldn't be packing anyone's bags just yet lass.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 05/07/2018 07:11

I’m so sorry op

Bizarretortoise · 05/07/2018 07:12

The OW has messaged via messenger (Facebook) and Instagram SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE OP’s TELEPHONE NUMBER. It really doesn’t take much to track someone down on social media.
Looks like DH has admitted to meeting this woman with colleagues, but nothing more. It could be that he turned her down (she sounds unhinged whether it’s all true or not), it could be theres a bit of truth to it. Either way, you can’t know until you sit down and talk with him. In the meantime, OP, you and you DH should block her so she can’t message you anymore.
Sending hugs. x

SoapOnARoap · 05/07/2018 07:14

She sounds like a devious troublemaker. Bloke her, she sounds unhinged

Vitalogy · 05/07/2018 07:14

Does she have her phone number? This is it, I'm not sure how Instagram worked you see. I get it now, as PP have said via Facebook messenger. I've got regular Facebook but not the messenger, they're hounding me for my phone number though.

HyacinthBuffet · 05/07/2018 07:15

Wow. Are people just not reading the OP or are they just so eager to twist information to support their assumptions?

mumpatrol · 05/07/2018 07:19

Are you ok op? ThanksBrew

Cricrichan · 05/07/2018 07:26

Hope you're ok op