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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should i pursue this man?

285 replies

Auldspinster · 02/07/2018 12:43

I had the major fanny gallops for a colleague who has recently left.

I never acted on it largely because we were colleagues but obviously that doesn’t apply now.

Would it be a terrible idea to private message him on facebook and say, ‘look, I fancied the pants off you when we worked together, now we don’t, do you want to do something about it? If not, delete this message and pretend it never happened.’?
We’re both in our 40s, not sure of his marital status – he didn’t have a wedding ring but wore a non weddingy ring on his right hand and never mentioned a significant other. I felt very strong chemistry when he was around but am well aware it could have been totally one sided. I figure I’ll likely never see him again I thought in for a penny, in for a pound.

Am I being startlingly naïve or should I go for it?

OP posts:
expatka · 04/07/2018 20:20

Place marking! Smile you sound brilliant OP, and I think your message was great. Hope he reads it soon!

bitofabelly · 04/07/2018 20:52

Good on you OP..been a while since I had the fanny gallops..so I'm a wee bit jealous!!! You sound so confident..love that!

pippety · 04/07/2018 21:00

OP, I wish more people were so refreshingly direct Smile Fingers crossed for you!

checkingforballoons · 04/07/2018 21:43

Crying at fanny gallops here!
Good luck OP!

Katgurl · 04/07/2018 21:58

The suspense is killing me. You are my hero OP.

Toptheginup · 04/07/2018 22:34

Well done for having the courage to go for what you want. Fingers crossed for you

NClikecrazy · 04/07/2018 22:41

Can you tell whether he has read the message? Argh. (overinvested too)

Auldspinster · 04/07/2018 22:44

Not read yet.

OP posts:
PigEyedHorseFrightener · 04/07/2018 22:48

I have never watched a thread more avidly.

Jonbb · 04/07/2018 22:51

I messaged an old friend through fb and she took 2 and a half years to respond. Fingers crossed for you Wink

Merryoldgoat · 04/07/2018 23:05

A) OP - I love you.

B) the anticipation is making me feel physically sick.

C) thank you for bringing this thread into our lives.

sugarnotsweetener · 04/07/2018 23:24

When I had my baby a few people messaged me to congratulate me and they went unread for 18m, I didn’t have messenger so not sure how the invite to messenger thing would have shown on my Facebook but all their messages were sat in a junk/other folder as we weren’t “friends”

Worth a thought OP, it’s happened to others upthread too, he might not even have the message yet if he’s the same.

gonnabreakmyrustycage · 04/07/2018 23:34

I really want him to answer and this to be a great romance! He might get his highlights dyed back!?

SuperSuperSuper · 04/07/2018 23:52

I'm a pretty avid Facebook user but I've missed messages. Do not assume he's choosing not to open it.

Auldspinster · 05/07/2018 06:45

One of other colleagues who knows I fancy him occasionally bumps into him at the supermarket so I might ask him to tell him to check his messages.

Did I mention he drives a sports car?Shock

OP posts:
Dhalandchips · 05/07/2018 06:52

Go Horny Rhino! You sound like my kinda gal!!

FuckPants · 05/07/2018 07:28

Horny rhino Grin

Good luck OP!

Cricrichan · 05/07/2018 07:31

Ok can't you get his mobile number?

Auldspinster · 05/07/2018 07:33

Beyond hacking into HR I don't see how i could.

OP posts:
farine · 05/07/2018 08:05

Do you know where he works now? You could always work out his email address for that place and send an annotated version of your message that way.

Trying to decide if that's a bit stalker-like though.

Probably is, and could be seen as a bit desperate which you definitely are not.

Coughy · 05/07/2018 08:08

Stalking for a fuck Shock please let it be. Im curious too but fuck dont get more creepy please. If this was a man asking!!

Auldspinster · 05/07/2018 08:15

I'm not going to do anything else, no idea where he works now.

I'm not in the slightest bit desperate, going to see my lovely fwb tonight and have others i can contact if i so desired (i dont').

Just wanted to put it out there to him now we aren't colleagues on the off-chance he feels similarly. If my colleague happens to see him at the supermarket again, i'll be ok if he mentions it but otherwise i'll leave well alone. His name isn't John Smith but it's common enough here for him to have many, many namesakes.

OP posts:
WasFatNowThin · 05/07/2018 08:49

He's a fool if he doesn't get back to you!

Ohyesiam · 05/07/2018 08:54

I like you opGrin

ShatnersWig · 05/07/2018 08:59

He's a fool if he doesn't get back to you!

Why? He might be married, engaged, living with someone, dating someone. Remember we don't actually know that little titbit of information. Or maybe he just doesn't do casual sex? Doesn't mean he's a fool.