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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should i pursue this man?

285 replies

Auldspinster · 02/07/2018 12:43

I had the major fanny gallops for a colleague who has recently left.

I never acted on it largely because we were colleagues but obviously that doesn’t apply now.

Would it be a terrible idea to private message him on facebook and say, ‘look, I fancied the pants off you when we worked together, now we don’t, do you want to do something about it? If not, delete this message and pretend it never happened.’?
We’re both in our 40s, not sure of his marital status – he didn’t have a wedding ring but wore a non weddingy ring on his right hand and never mentioned a significant other. I felt very strong chemistry when he was around but am well aware it could have been totally one sided. I figure I’ll likely never see him again I thought in for a penny, in for a pound.

Am I being startlingly naïve or should I go for it?

OP posts:
TheMonkeyMummy · 05/07/2018 09:00

@ShatnersWig
I once gave my number to a guy on the train that had given me fanny gallops for months.

And he called me to explain that he had a girlfriend. He was so lovely about it, and I felt better that he had not left me hanging.

(And changed my commuter journey)

Auldspinster · 05/07/2018 09:33

The ball is very much in his court. I'm certainly not going to be weeping into my pillow if he doesn't respond.

OP posts:
gettingstherehopefully · 05/07/2018 09:41

You are as refreshing as a lemon sherbet Auld! Smile I'm proud of you!

Auldspinster · 05/07/2018 09:53

Sods law dictates that i'll run into him with his supermodel wife now!

OP posts:
NurseButtercup · 05/07/2018 09:56

I feel very very jealous, I haven't seen anybody that's given me the 'major fanny gallops' for a loooonng time.

I hope he replies and you have some uncomplicated fun.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 05/07/2018 09:58

Meh if you do it's another one chalked up to experience! Nothing ventured nothing gained. For all those saying "he might be married" - so what? She doesn't intend to pursue him if he is, so where's the damage? If we all worked on the assumption that every man over 20 was married and so didn't ask them out no one would ever get anywhere.

Katgurl · 05/07/2018 13:17

I ran this scenario past my DP. His reaction based on fictional circumstances:

  1. he's single and interested - BOOM
  2. he's single but not interested - very flattered and delighted with himself
  3. we are together so not taking any further - still flattered and delighted with himself. I didn't get a straight answer when I asked would he tell me about it though, LOL.

He thinks you sound epic btw. I'm pretty sure if you do run into him and supermodel wife you won't give a f* so no harm done.

TemptressofWaikiki · 05/07/2018 13:28

I admire your confidence and taking a chance. There is a small chance that he actually read the message but set it to ‘unread’.

Auldspinster · 05/07/2018 13:54

Thanks everyone, my head is growing larger by the minute!

OP posts:
ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 05/07/2018 16:04

Unlurking to say I can't wait for an update once he's seen the message 😂 I absolutely love your confidence! As a larger lady myself I wish I had just an ounce of yours! #bootylicious

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 05/07/2018 21:20

Any word?

Auldspinster · 06/07/2018 07:36

Not so far.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 06/07/2018 07:52

Do you know that he actively uses fb or messenger?

Borderterrierpuppy · 06/07/2018 08:03

Brilliant op! Hope he gets back to you, wish I had had an ounce of your directness when I was single :)

Auldspinster · 06/07/2018 08:21

I have no idea if he actively uses Facebook or Messenger.

OP posts:
Ittakestwo · 06/07/2018 09:06

Love your confidence Auld.

Auldspinster · 06/07/2018 10:10

Confidence was hard won and only recently gained!

Been a mess of neurosis for a large portion of my life. Its been freeing to reach a point where i no longer give a toss about what other think about me!

OP posts:
Ittakestwo · 06/07/2018 10:49

I’m on that path auld, mid 40’s single and just rebuilding mine so your thread has been an inspiration thank you

Auldspinster · 06/07/2018 11:17

Ittakestwo i'm touched!

OP posts:
PussGirl · 06/07/2018 11:31

Ha ha just caught up with this thread!

The direct approach is the one I tend to use - mostly works well for me & fortunately I'm not easily embarrassed when it doesn't Grin

Finger crossed Smile

PussGirl · 06/07/2018 11:31

  • Fingers.

Not sure how to cross just the one finger Blush

Churrolicious · 06/07/2018 11:49

Yay for the horny rhino approach (I'm totally using that again). It netted me a husband in the end (we were FWB for about six months before anything more conventional happened) and I think it's a great way to be.

Good for you for being open and unashamed about what you want. Even if he doesn't read it now maybe you'll get bonus rhino when he randomly logs into Facebook in six months' time!

HalfDutchGirl · 06/07/2018 17:38

Churrolicious Bonus rhino!!! You've made my day!!

Auld you're my hero too! You're an inspiration and even if he never sees the message good for you for sending it!

Blahdeblah123 · 06/07/2018 22:45

I wish I had your confidence.....would love to do this.

RubaDubMum89 · 07/07/2018 22:21

Has he messaged back yet OP?