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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should i pursue this man?

285 replies

Auldspinster · 02/07/2018 12:43

I had the major fanny gallops for a colleague who has recently left.

I never acted on it largely because we were colleagues but obviously that doesn’t apply now.

Would it be a terrible idea to private message him on facebook and say, ‘look, I fancied the pants off you when we worked together, now we don’t, do you want to do something about it? If not, delete this message and pretend it never happened.’?
We’re both in our 40s, not sure of his marital status – he didn’t have a wedding ring but wore a non weddingy ring on his right hand and never mentioned a significant other. I felt very strong chemistry when he was around but am well aware it could have been totally one sided. I figure I’ll likely never see him again I thought in for a penny, in for a pound.

Am I being startlingly naïve or should I go for it?

OP posts:
Auldspinster · 04/07/2018 07:51

I said if he was interested in something uncomplicated to contact me not demanding that he come round and service me!

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 04/07/2018 07:55

I hope he isn't just an occasional Facebook user I very rarely go on Facebook but I usually get email notifications if someone Facebook messages me. Whether you have to activate this I'm not sure.

LoisEinhorn · 04/07/2018 09:53

Good luck! I wish I had half your body confidence Grin

Polska03 · 04/07/2018 10:42

Op, has the message been read yet?

Auldspinster · 04/07/2018 11:21

I've not been on Facebook , i'm at work and can't have my phone on my desk (but can MN between calls).

OP posts:
Auldspinster · 04/07/2018 11:23

I wish I had my body confidence when i had a good body!

I've not had kids but everything has still headed south - I'd like my 43 year old brain in my 17 year old body!

OP posts:
chitofftheshovel · 04/07/2018 11:29

I've done similar before, why not. As others have said you can namby pamby about and waste a lot of time when all you really want is a good shag. We're all human, females have needs too and there is nothing wrong with asking for what you want.
I'm trying to think of a pun about not beating about the bush but...

eyycarumba · 04/07/2018 11:44

Shamelessly place marking. Fingers and flaps crossed for you, hen

Auldspinster · 04/07/2018 12:12

Unread so far.

OP posts:
Userfroggypants · 04/07/2018 12:18

This is very exciting.

WasFatNowThin · 04/07/2018 15:37

I'm addicted to my "refresh" button here!

LinkyPlease · 04/07/2018 16:47

If you're not Facebook friends then depending on his settings it might sit unread in his others folder or something??

GinUnicorn · 04/07/2018 17:13

I’m over invested in the outcome.

TolpuddleFarterOATB · 04/07/2018 17:47

Really hope you get a reply soon OP.

All women need to channel their inner auldspinster.

daisyboooo · 04/07/2018 18:13

I say go in like a horny rhino balls deep & tell him you fancy him & ask him out : )

Auldspinster · 04/07/2018 18:30

I thought about that LinkyPlease so added him on messenger in case it went into the message gulag.

OP posts:
Auldspinster · 04/07/2018 18:31

I'm glad I got it out there and it's out of my hands now.

OP posts:
NClikecrazy · 04/07/2018 18:39

I think there is something to be said for straight talking with men. No harm done in this case, and possibly a lot to gain!

UtterlyConfused111 · 04/07/2018 18:46

I’m overly invested in this too..,
Shamelessly place marking too...
Good luck auldspinster - you sound great

WeirdScenesInsideTheGoldmine · 04/07/2018 18:49

Hmmm I totally admire your balls op!! I am also known for my direct approach, I think men love the confidence. In fact I know they fuckin do.

Hope you get yer lumber doll!!

dkfkfmf · 04/07/2018 19:01

Hope he replies soon Auld!

Kittykat93 · 04/07/2018 19:34

Just came on this after work hoping for an update to say he'd replied ! There's still time

Rememory · 04/07/2018 20:01

No news yet?

SpiritedLondon · 04/07/2018 20:07

I definitely think there’s a difference in a woman sending this to a man rather than the other way around. Men are still expected to do lots of asking out of women and still have to put up with rejection or the fear of rejection. Women on the other hand are still likely to be labelled as slutty so may well take offence at such a direct approach. I think a lot of men would be bloody delighted to receive a message like that. If nothing else it lets them know that someone in the world finds them desirable and who doesn’t want that? What does it matter if he’s single or not ? ( and how does one find out if the FB settings are private for example). If he is married / attached he just has to say “ That’s very kind but I cant - but I’m very flattered “. Good luck - I hope you hear soon but I must warn you I once sent a man a private message on FB and he replied about 2 years later. ( he was a bit inept and didn’t notice it)

Tumon · 04/07/2018 20:11

I bet that email is going to make his year!
Meanwhile I’m just trying desperately to get the phrase fanny gallops into a real life conversation Grin

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