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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband throwing me out immediately

136 replies

Helpme2018 · 02/07/2018 08:22

We’ve been arguing all weekend and he’s emptied all my drawers and told me to get out. I tried to call my boss but he just spent the whole call screaming at me, I couldn’t hear her. He threw my phone on the floor in an attempt to break it because he couldn’t access it.

He’s taken my children to his mum and dads. I have no one. His parents say I don’t give him attention, I work more than full time hours!

I don’t mean to drip feed but it’s been a decade of hideous cheating (it would blow your mind) and I’m still recovering from discovering more women including one from school, one from a swingers website and a prostitute.

I’d love to say I’m a troll but it’s only the tip of the iceberg. I’ve been ground down so much I hate myself and who I have become. I feel like a fucking shadow of myself.

I don’t know where to go in the immediate.

I have money - all the money, as it happens

OP posts:

LuMarie · 02/07/2018 08:24

Go to a hotel, call a lawyer.

Original poster

Helpme2018 · 02/07/2018 08:26

I think I am going to head to a hotel. I wouldn’t know where to start with lawyers.

OP posts:

Hadalifeonce · 02/07/2018 08:26

I am so sorry you are in this situation. I do not know what the legalities of him taking the children, I think you do need to get professional advice asap. I would not leave the house, if you do you will probably never get back in.
Someone with experience will come along soon, I'm sure.

thereareflowersinmygarden · 02/07/2018 08:27

Ring the police. This is abuse.

Hadalifeonce · 02/07/2018 08:28

Speak to a solicitor, and tell them what you have said on here, they are normal people with a skill you need. Don't be afraid to talk to one, they will want to help you.

TurnipCake · 02/07/2018 08:30

OP, please ring 101, he has taken your children and tried to break your phone. Your first priority is your safety

Alfwood · 02/07/2018 08:30

Agree with pp ring the police.

Moominfan · 02/07/2018 08:30

What I love about mumsnet is that there is some genuinely sincere and great advise given. I don't have much to offer other than, this is a blessing in disguise. I know there will be other posters that will come along with more practical advise xx

Singlenotsingle · 02/07/2018 08:31

OMG what a nightmare! I'm so glad to hear you've got £. Hopefully its in an account in your sole name. If the property is in joint names (rented or owned) you are entitled to live there, and I'm sure the police would assist you in gaining re-entry. Have you not got parents for moral support?

Sisterlove · 02/07/2018 08:32

You need the police and a lawyer. He can't throw you out of the house. You have rights being married.

Are you in the UK?

notapizzaeater · 02/07/2018 08:36

How old are the children ? You need legal advice fast.

Westiegirl3 · 02/07/2018 08:36

If the house is in both names stay put, call 101 if you are feeling threatened
Get yourself a good lawyer and leave this Bastard asap

KreigersClones · 02/07/2018 08:37

Call the police

AJPTaylor · 02/07/2018 08:37

hotel
call police. you are worried for his mental health and safety of children
call work..let them know you wont be in
call a solicitor get immediate appt
they will give you proper advice

gillybeanz · 02/07/2018 08:38

call the police, they have all day to get your children back, rather than waiting until later.
Then call Women's aid , this is abuse and you need to report it asap.
If your name is registered to the property he can't throw you out.

ReanimatedSGB · 02/07/2018 08:40

Definitely call the police. You need to get the DC back and quite possibly an emergency court order to keep this prick out of the house. You do not need his permission or co-operation to end the marriage, and you can sort things out so he sees the children but has no access to you.

Bluntness100 · 02/07/2018 08:41

I know it's not the point of the thread but why were you calling your boss?

Look up local family solicitors and get an immediate appt. don't leave the family home. Whose name is it in?

ResistanceIsNecessary · 02/07/2018 08:42

First of all, call the Police. If you are married then you have a right to inhabit the home regardless of whether it's in joint names or not. Marriage means that the house is a marital asset. Plus you need to get his verbal abuse and threats on record.

Secondly, if you don't feel safe then find somewhere to go to - a hotel or similar. Make sure you have access to funds and make sure that he cannot drain all of your savings - if your money is in joint accounts then move some across into an account that only you can access. Take important documents (birth certs, marriage cert, passports - for you and the kids) with you.

Thirdly, you need to find a shit hot lawyer (SHL). If you are happy to post your approximate location (to the nearest big town) then there are plenty of MNers on here who can give recommendations based on their own experience. The SHL is very important, because you need to sort out access to the children ASAP - and if his family believe him over you then you won't be able to rely on them talking some sense into them.

LuMarie · 02/07/2018 08:42

Call the police if you're not sure how to get to a lawyer first.

It's true he can't throw you out, but for safety and as you have access to money, I'd say get your important things (passports, documents, with certificates, your bank cards), a bag for yourself.

If you are concerned about him stopping you from doing this or coming home before you cab leave, call the police and they'll come over.

Also good to let the police know he's taken the children without your permission and against your will, then has acted as he has with you. The police will also be able to give you advice on finding a lawyer. They make take action against him themselves, or at least will note what has happened (domestic disturbance and you've had to flee/call for help).

WanderingWavelet · 02/07/2018 08:44

It sounds like you blame yourself. DO. NOT.

He is a cheating abusive arse. Keep repeating that. Part of his abuse of you is that he's made you believe you are to blame.

You.Are.Not.To.Blame.

Look up "coercive control" - it's illegal now, and you can report your husband's violence as abuse.

Good luck

thereareflowersinmygarden · 02/07/2018 08:47

You pay the lawyer to tell you where to start.

eggncress · 02/07/2018 08:47

Agree with others. Unless your safety is compromised don’t leave the house.
Call the police
Call Women’s Aid
See a lawyer
ASAP

Bibesia · 02/07/2018 08:49

Contact Women's Aid, they should be able to give you the names of lawyers with the right experience. Contact them immediately before you take any decisions. Don't leave the house unless you are actually in danger.

eggncress · 02/07/2018 08:49

Women’s Aid will give you names of abuse savvy lawyers although they can’t make recommendations.

Maelstrop · 02/07/2018 08:50

If you're on the ddeds, you cna tell him to sod off trying ot make you move out. You have the legal right to stay and if you're married, then all to the good. Does he not work? Is he the primary carer for the dc?

Definitely phone the police re safety of the dc, he sounds unhinged!

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