Husband throwing me out immediately

[Helpme2018]

We’ve been arguing all weekend and he’s emptied all my drawers and told me to get out. I tried to call my boss but he just spent the whole call screaming at me, I couldn’t hear her. He threw my phone on the floor in an attempt to break it because he couldn’t access it.

He’s taken my children to his mum and dads. I have no one. His parents say I don’t give him attention, I work more than full time hours!

I don’t mean to drip feed but it’s been a decade of hideous cheating (it would blow your mind) and I’m still recovering from discovering more women including one from school, one from a swingers website and a prostitute.

I’d love to say I’m a troll but it’s only the tip of the iceberg. I’ve been ground down so much I hate myself and who I have become. I feel like a fucking shadow of myself.

I don’t know where to go in the immediate.

I have money - all the money, as it happens

My long game will have been almost 2 years.

I’ve never been good at anything Helpme2018- I’ve never shone like others so nobody is more shocked than me to hear that what the WA lady said means I am doing something right and you will too.

If I can do this with zero career in the balance then you my lovely will WALK it. Well done, I’m so proud of you.

Allow yourself some headspace daily (at the same time each day and visualise something lovely that you will be doing) just replay a nice scene every day it will help and I promise it punctures the toxicity somehow.

Plan, save, plan and save.
Leave.

Coats

The hardest thing will be that he showers me with affection. How am I supposed to tolerate that :(

The woman at WA said most women walk in there thinking they don’t belong in that room, I’m already past that stage and KNOW what is happening is wrong, I just can’t get past the leaving stage

If you can you could go and ask the police for advice, tell them about the hug and the phone smashing and ask how you should handle it, there will then be a record and you can build up.

He’s back now and has sat telling me his behaviour is a result of what I say to him?!

Of course it is. I shouldn’t wind him up. I should stay quiet and listen to his shit.

Help Please make sure you’re being very careful with your phone / laptop / however you’re posting on Mumsnet so there’s no way he can see what you’re posting. Also if you get email alerts for thread updates, make sure they’re not anywhere he’ll see them.

Thinking of you.

Jesus OP.. sending you strength and good wishes

He’s back now and has sat telling me his behaviour is a result of what I say to him?!

Yeah, because he’s a gaslighting motherfucker.

Oh god, at least he's not showering you with affection, his behaviour making you certain that your making the right decision.

Im glad I posted now. I don’t feel like I’m alone in thinking he is that way.

I’ve been biting my tongue tonight. He has tried to hug me on a number of occasions and I’ve just had to let him do it. He told me to smile or he would tickle me(?) it is well known I don’t like that. I smirked and he began to go tickle me, I got up and my elbow involuntary whacked him in the eye.
Oh but he was never going to, he was pretending to. Then it changed to “I was just moving my head” and started nursing his poor eye like he was a victim.

The same behaviour happens sexually too. He might put his hand somewhere and then claim it was an accident/didn’t know I was touching there. He clearly does but he goes out to make sure I am the wrong for thinking he’d ever do such a thing, and I have to be the apologetic one.

It’s all rather grim but no one ever see this. It’s all behind closed doors

If it helps treat his behaviour as bingo, and mentally tick off his tactics as he deploys them, rather than emotionally engaging with them. It will give you a bit of distance and make it a bit easier to bear while you get things in order.

Sending you extra strength.

Ugh, foul man. If you can grit your teeth and treat him with calm contempt and indifference while you get your plans in place, then just move your stuff out when you are ready. Remember he is worthless and unimportant - unless he gets aggressive again, in which case report it to the police. If the situation becomes unsafe, you can get the police to come and remove him and (even though it's his parents' property) you might be able to get at least a temporary court order to keep him out of the house.