Husband throwing me out immediately

[Helpme2018]

We’ve been arguing all weekend and he’s emptied all my drawers and told me to get out. I tried to call my boss but he just spent the whole call screaming at me, I couldn’t hear her. He threw my phone on the floor in an attempt to break it because he couldn’t access it.

He’s taken my children to his mum and dads. I have no one. His parents say I don’t give him attention, I work more than full time hours!

I don’t mean to drip feed but it’s been a decade of hideous cheating (it would blow your mind) and I’m still recovering from discovering more women including one from school, one from a swingers website and a prostitute.

I’d love to say I’m a troll but it’s only the tip of the iceberg. I’ve been ground down so much I hate myself and who I have become. I feel like a fucking shadow of myself.

I don’t know where to go in the immediate.

I have money - all the money, as it happens

You're sounding stronger already OP, you've got this, really. Let us know how you get on at WA and yes to confiding in/leaning on your boss too, she sounds great. You're not alone, there's (sadly) lots of posters who've been in similar situations on here, we will support you

Once he realises you mean it this time he will ramp up the abuse so be prepared for it.
Take paperwork/passports/anything precious that he will purposely ruin or bin.

I’ve taken a suitcase of stuff with me in case I don’t get back in.

Take your boss up on her offer of help, Real life support is precious.
You may need to play the long game, getting the children home, then separating, each with their share of child responsibility.

Thank you

I have two jobs, both supportive bosses. I don’t want to lose either, one is a salary and one is a hobby. That’s my safe space :(

HelpMe

You had your panic wobble this morning- that has passed now put your woner-woman pants on an pull them up tight.

Your boss is on your side. Prioritise a home, childcare- see a lawyer you can do this.

Your H sounds like mine, you can choose the burden and the weight of staying one more day (which will get worse) or you can choose today to be Day One.

You did what you had to at the time- that time is done. Panic mode means you start to catastrophise that’s not a bad thing to start off with- that shit-memories Rolodex is whirring like crazy informing all of your plan A,Bs and Cs.

Then you move on and adrenaline will be your friend as will the amazing women on MN who will support you.

Good luck - you have all the tools you need to forge a happy life

I neglected to say if id had your morning this morning- I would’ve immediately taken all essential paperwork and valuables immediately and gotten myself a safety deposit box.

Banks have these services available.

Coats I have posted in your thread a few times under a different name and you have no idea what it means to me to have you here.

I’m outside the women’s aid I don’t even know what they can do, but it feels like I’m so something so....

And I’ve bought cigarettes, I haven’t smoked in ages :(

All the money we have is in my personal account. It’s always been this way and agreed because he used to fritter away everything. I transfer him a sum
Of money each month - this isn’t a control thing but we agreed this is how I have so much savings from when we had nothing but debt.

He has nothing but his own wage and the money I give him right now so in terms of money he actively can’t get at it at this moment in time

That is one huge advantage - that he can't leave you penniless.

Do you pay his parents rent?
As soon as you are out, get any bills etc that are in your name changed so you cant be chased for payments.
Get your mail re-directed too so he can't get it.

Put down the cigarettes young lady!

You have a cheerleading support team here, you don't need that:)

Let us know how you are

Maybe you could negotiate hours with your boss to be more children friendly or do flexible hours.

Would that work?

Put the fags down! Don't give yourself another hurdle (giving up again) and don't go thinking they'll help. They won't, they'll kill you eventually. Fags are not your friend.

Hope WA are giving good advice.

Glad Coats is here, you won't go far wrong if you listen to her OP. All we need now is @MrsMozart (her posts are like being wrapped in a snuggly blanket ) and you'll have everything you need to get through this. Step away from the fags, MN is better for stress management

Just here to add to the support network I hope it's going well at WA

His parents are waving his flag because it's easier/better for them that he's not their problem. He'll be scrounging off them if not and they won't be able to bury their heads in the sand. I'll wager that's why they bought him the house.

I hope you get help from WA. Stay strong. Would your boss help with a police report? That's your golden ticket out of there with your kids.

Doing constructive things stops you from being or feeling helpless. Starting smoking again won't make you feel better. It's a downer. Let us know what Women's Aid advise.

Hoping you're currently getting excellent advice from Women's Aid.

Agree about the need for a safety deposit box for birth certificates, passports etc. Hope for the best where he's concerned, but prepare for the worst.

Women’s Aid went perhaps exactly as I thought it would
They infact suggested doing what Coats is doing.
They agreed I’m in quite an unfair position but probably in the best position to leave too. She said sometimes it’s hard to take that leap of faith. There’s no doubt he will make life hard for me. This is why women in my situations just retract and put up.

She suggested playing the long game basically.

I’ve cried to much,my head was bursting , I just got back to the house and fell asleep.

She gave me some hope with working though but if I private rent now those options would need DSS eventually and I haven’t see a single property willing to take that

OP, sometimes if you ask to speak to the LL in person, even if done through an agency, you can get lucky.
My friend has all sorts of benefits and DLA, everything she looked at said no dss.
She finally found a LL who would talk to her despite also advertising no dss.
Turned out LL was a gp and knew all about friends condition. Friend has lived there for about 8 years now.

Ive just got a viewing for a flat which I can easily go view without him knowing . We’ll see how that goes

If I got the place I’d have to be sneaky, I’ve spent a lot of money on a training course I’d be devastated to miss next month (there’s no way he’d let me go, he wouldn’t take the kids out of spite) but maybe I can work on staying sweet til then

Hey @helpme2018

I know it’s early days but there are a fat of options out there for DCs that will enable you to remain FT.

I’m thinking you can afford an after school childminder OR as they are 7 and 9 is there an after school club?

For DD1, I have seen many SEN/ASD minders/nannies/after school helps on childcare.co.uk

There are also several options across London, in particular SW London.

FWIW your relationship sounds terrible, wearing and distressing and I am glad you are making positive steps. The wise women of MN who are living it or have lived it are a wellspring of info.

The best of luck and please don’t look back

OP stay strong W