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Original poster

Can I Stop DDs mum moving away

234 replies

PapaMeerkat · 30/06/2018 22:29

I am a father to DD who is 6.
I was never in a proper relationship with her mum and our relationship has been very up and down over the years. It was ok just after DD was born but then whenever I do/say something her mum doesn't like then she stops contact for a few weeks till I threaten to take her back to court and then we go back to normal again.

I am currently married and expecting a baby via a surrogate, and DD stays with us EOweekend and 3 evenings a week. I also pick her up and drop her off at an after school activity 1 day a week and I have her half the school holidays. I also take her any extra time her mum needs me to have her. Her mum is also married and DD has StepSisters.

When I picked up DD from school yesterday she was acting quiet at first I thought it was just the heat/tiredness but as the evening went on she was clingy and kept crying for no real reason. But when I tried to chat to her about it she would refuse to speak and sometimes she would start crying again. She took ages to settle to bed and then in the middle of the night she came crying into our bed and she took ages so settle which is something she hasn't done since she was a toddler.

Today she was exactly the same clingy and crying. After dinner I just sat with her and cuddled her for ages and reassured her that she could talk to me and eventually she blurted out that they are all moving to the other side of the country in the school holidays. That she wasn't supposed to know but her Ssisters told her and so she asked her mum who confirmed it but made her promise that she wouldn't tell me because I would be upset and it would make everyone cross. DD was then hysterical saying that she didn't want to go that she will miss me and DP and she will never see the new baby once they are born and she doesn't want to leave her grandparents etc and she got so upset she made herself sick so I calmed her down as best I could and I told her I would talk to her mum about it but that if they do move I will always be there for her and we will come and visit but she was still upset saying that she wants to live with us.

So once DD was calmed down I messaged her mum and she eventually confirmed that they are moving as her DP will have better work opportunities. She said that they have already made most of the arrangements and I will just have to visit when I can (It will would be roughly an 8 hour car ride there so we won't be able to pop over and visit her for the weekend).

I am devastated and I am trying to work out if there is someway I can stop this happening, for me and for DD. So I'm hoping someone might be able to help me because I don't know what to do next but I don't want to lose my DD. But then I don't know if legally I can stop them moving with her either.

OP posts:
Itoldyouiwasgeeky · 24/07/2018 08:18

Good news op, but it sounds like you’ve got your not counting your chickens, which is good,

Be prepared for more games not just with you but with your daughter. I have a feeling she’ll be making her feel guilty for wanting to stay with you.

arranfan · 24/07/2018 08:40

Just to second all of the PP who say that this needs to be formalised and in writing. There can not be an opportunity to present a fait accompli by which the Ex flits to Scotland with DD.

Do you have a timescale by which you expect to have heard from her solicitor?

Devilishpyjamas · 24/07/2018 08:43

I’d worry about a midnight flit.

When are you seeing your solicitor again?

Notabee · 24/07/2018 08:44

Given the urgency of the situation, is it possible the school could notify you immediately if her mum went to collect her early for any reason..

Could you take some holiday now to have your dd stay with you so her mum can't just disappear with her?
I'm keeping everything crossed for you OP.

French2019 · 24/07/2018 09:00

No advice but good luck, OP. You sound like a great dad.

RandomMess · 24/07/2018 09:13

Most telling thing from mediation is that they were agreeable until you wanted it made legal Sad

User183737 · 24/07/2018 09:44

Cantankerous
Sorry i didnt realise. Id feel the same if it were a man (less so, though). But, i think the mum is wrong to go that far.
Op i wish you luck.

Homebird8 · 24/07/2018 10:07

Most telling thing from mediation is that they were agreeable until you wanted it made legal

Absolutely RandomMess

PeterPiperPickedSeaShells · 24/07/2018 10:19

Can your solicitor advise about a Prohibited Steps Order? Could this stop your ex moving away until this issue is resolved?

Doyoumind · 24/07/2018 10:26

Maybe RTFT Peter.

SuitedandBooted · 24/07/2018 10:29

I presume that your DD finished term last week.

Given that they have a house lined up in Scotland, and the Scottish schools start term around 16 August, I would be worried about them just leaving ASAP.

What's happening with their current home? If it's rented, I would check with local letting agents, and see if it is on the market - pretend to be a prospective tenant. You may find out some info on moving dates etc.

shallichangemyname · 24/07/2018 10:40

If you want to do some reading up google internal relocation of a child. Second item down is a Family Law Journal article which runs through the law. There are other articles/papers you can read.
You need to apply for a prohibited steps orders d a residence order. The new case makes it a tad harder for mothers to move internally (ie within the jurisdiction) than it was before. Internal relocation includes Scotland even though it's a different legal system.

shallichangemyname · 24/07/2018 10:42

Please make sure you get a good solicitor. I am in Wales and the quality of some is appalling. I'm sorry to make such a generalisation if it offends anyone. Maybe go and see 2 or 3.

You can look up who is good in your area in 2 directories which are both online. Legal 500 or Chambers Legal Directory.

RandomMess · 24/07/2018 10:50

Time to crack on with applying for an emergency residency order as less than a month until she starts at her new school!

You know you will put DDs best interests at heart even if that does mean that she ultimately does move away with her Mum, you know you will consider all options Thanks

sayhellotothelittlefella · 24/07/2018 10:54

It sounds to me like she suggested you have full custody as a means of emotional blackmail. ie going to the absolute opposite extreme and saying you would be responsible for splitting up a mother and daughter in the hope that you capitulate. Hence the reason she got so angry when you wanted it to be formalised in the courts - she didn’t actually envisage you would agree. ( oh and by the way, clearly she completely missed the irony of blaming you for separating a child from their parent )

Honeyroar · 24/07/2018 11:43

I don't believe her at all re the full custody, but it's good that it was said in front of someone official. Time is of the essence, you need to legally stop her as soon as you can.

And never fall for the "most" of the holidays line - it turns into "well we've booked a holiday for two weeks, then her grandma wants her for a week, so you can have her the rest.."

naebotherpal · 24/07/2018 12:20

Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face, if she does intend to give you full custody.

Keep/print this thread. Just so you have a note of absolutely everything in years to come if your DD starts asking. E.g the lying about the bed wetting, the mum offering the DD to you.

Doyoumind · 24/07/2018 12:28

Honey unfortunately nothing said in mediation could be used in court so she can say anything she wants there. It means nothing.

bethy15 · 24/07/2018 13:14

I'm glad to hear it went as well as it could, although I do agree with PP scepticism that she may not mean this, and may be trying to say what she thinks you want to hear, all the while intending to flee with your little girl.

Make sure you see your lawyer and everything is put in order for you to have full custody.

By her actions, I didn't feel as if she had your daughters best interests at heart, but if she is sincere and she's just handed her over for an easy get away with her partner, she really is something else!

As always, all the best for you both.

magoria · 24/07/2018 15:04

She could leave tomorrow. Mediation actually does nothing. You need to take the steps to stop this ASAP.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 24/07/2018 16:35

I hope you have taken the legal steps to stop this. All the best

SandyY2K · 24/07/2018 16:47

If you backtrack on something agreed in mediation it doesn't paint you in a positive light.

Regardless of that...proceed legally. She knows she was wrong trying to whisk DD away and this is why she's asked you to stop with the courts.

Custody battles can get very nasty and bring out the worse in people, so please protect yourself every which way.

combatbarbie · 24/07/2018 16:57

The Scottish juridatiction is different, however my friend who is in divorce stage was in England and moved back her family town in Scotland, the judge ordered her to move back immediately, don't know what the "if you don't move back" was but she did within 2 weeks so the system will work.

DD sounds like she would be better settled with you but you need it legally, don't go on hearsay.

Notthatwomanagain · 24/07/2018 17:30

So who is telling your DD about this new outcome? Because her mothers rack recorddoes not suggest this will be done sensitively and your poor DD could be very damaged by this

Get legal terms done ASAP and speak to your dd now

GummyGoddess · 24/07/2018 18:48

Do you know the address of where they are moving to?