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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I Stop DDs mum moving away

234 replies

PapaMeerkat · 30/06/2018 22:29

I am a father to DD who is 6.
I was never in a proper relationship with her mum and our relationship has been very up and down over the years. It was ok just after DD was born but then whenever I do/say something her mum doesn't like then she stops contact for a few weeks till I threaten to take her back to court and then we go back to normal again.

I am currently married and expecting a baby via a surrogate, and DD stays with us EOweekend and 3 evenings a week. I also pick her up and drop her off at an after school activity 1 day a week and I have her half the school holidays. I also take her any extra time her mum needs me to have her. Her mum is also married and DD has StepSisters.

When I picked up DD from school yesterday she was acting quiet at first I thought it was just the heat/tiredness but as the evening went on she was clingy and kept crying for no real reason. But when I tried to chat to her about it she would refuse to speak and sometimes she would start crying again. She took ages to settle to bed and then in the middle of the night she came crying into our bed and she took ages so settle which is something she hasn't done since she was a toddler.

Today she was exactly the same clingy and crying. After dinner I just sat with her and cuddled her for ages and reassured her that she could talk to me and eventually she blurted out that they are all moving to the other side of the country in the school holidays. That she wasn't supposed to know but her Ssisters told her and so she asked her mum who confirmed it but made her promise that she wouldn't tell me because I would be upset and it would make everyone cross. DD was then hysterical saying that she didn't want to go that she will miss me and DP and she will never see the new baby once they are born and she doesn't want to leave her grandparents etc and she got so upset she made herself sick so I calmed her down as best I could and I told her I would talk to her mum about it but that if they do move I will always be there for her and we will come and visit but she was still upset saying that she wants to live with us.

So once DD was calmed down I messaged her mum and she eventually confirmed that they are moving as her DP will have better work opportunities. She said that they have already made most of the arrangements and I will just have to visit when I can (It will would be roughly an 8 hour car ride there so we won't be able to pop over and visit her for the weekend).

I am devastated and I am trying to work out if there is someway I can stop this happening, for me and for DD. So I'm hoping someone might be able to help me because I don't know what to do next but I don't want to lose my DD. But then I don't know if legally I can stop them moving with her either.

OP posts:
needtimealone · 23/07/2018 05:11

Wow your poor little girl, that's so sad. Please let us know how you get on

Booie09 · 23/07/2018 05:30

Good luck.....if that was my daughter I just couldn't go it yo her.

gingergenius · 23/07/2018 07:22

Just read tft and my heart breaks for you and your dd. I do hope you come to a good resolution. Poor little mite

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 23/07/2018 07:27

Glad to have your update. Crossing my fingers for you, PapaMeerkat.

kernowsailor · 23/07/2018 07:40

Oh OP what an awful situation for you and your lovely DD to be in. I really hope you get a resolution soon as you sound like such a lovely father.

WonkyWay · 23/07/2018 08:08

What an awful situation. Good luck OP

Homebird8 · 23/07/2018 08:10

It’s a dreadful situation PapaMeerkat. My heart goes out to your daughter who is going through a truly horrible time. I think you are making the right decision to go with the PSO. You are putting your DD first.

We have never been in your situation but we have had one which is worth reflecting on. For a long while we lived in the Midlands and DH worked in Edinburgh. It wasn’t ideal but he did a weekly commute (6 hours each way) and came home to me and the DCs at the weekend.

If it were really about work that is what your DD’s stepfather could do. And it needn’t be so far away either. It’s not about work. It’s about writing you out of your DD’s life. If they go they would make it harder and harder for you to remain in contact. Your DD deserves more.

paintitgrey · 23/07/2018 08:15

Hi OP

I just wanted to say - in case you weren't aware - that Scottish schools start their new term very soon. Usually the 15th August. We break up a lot earlier than English/Welsh schools. Do you have an idea of when they actually plan to move? I just wanted to make you aware that it could be imminent x

Nicpem1982 · 23/07/2018 08:26

What an awful situation. Good luck op

RandomMess · 23/07/2018 09:08

Stay calm and don't agree to her moving away, she can live with you, her step Dad can commute. I wouldn't trust them to not back out of any cost or travel arrangements even if court ordered.

They've shown you on numerous occasions that they don't respect even the court order!

slovenlys · 23/07/2018 09:20

Good luck OP. Stay calm and strong. You're the only one fighting your daughters corner right now. Please let us know how it goes

IggyAce · 23/07/2018 09:44

This is an awful situation. DD mum and step dad are selfish and don't care what's best for your DD, please keep fighting.

Doyoumind · 23/07/2018 09:46

Mediation can be used as a delaying tactic and it's not legally binding. The fact they delayed it to me screams of delaying tactics, especially now they have had legal advice. I'm sure you're aware of this OP. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all if you didn't go the full legal route.

Notthatwomanagain · 23/07/2018 10:00

Pls go for residency
This little girl needs a stable home with a parent who puts her first

When is your new baby due? I do hope that doesn’t go against you

WowLookAtYou · 23/07/2018 10:29

Why would a new baby go against him?

CrabbityRabbit · 23/07/2018 10:31

How awful on thier part. Your poor DD.

SandyY2K · 23/07/2018 12:01

@PapaMeerkat

If they don't attend mediation this time, I'd speak to your lawyer about it...because they could be playing games.

They didn't expect you to stand up to them and their shocked.

You keep fighting for your DD. She needs you more than ever.

NLBM · 23/07/2018 13:10

Fingers crossed for you and your girl.

bethy15 · 23/07/2018 14:31

I hope everything can be settled. Your poor daughter, only you and your partner are looking out for her best interests, poor little mite wetting the bed and the mother not only denies it, but in private yells at her, which will make it so much worse.

I hope you get full custody, this woman doesn't deserve her daughter. The only good thing in all of this is how lucky she is to have a father like you. Not everybody is as lucky to have one parent like you, she's got you and I'm sure she at least feels secure with that. Bless her.

HeebieJeebies456 · 23/07/2018 16:37

You can't trust them one bit, make sure you get that PSO asap.
They're probably using mediation as a delaying tactic so you don't pursue it

idontknowwhattosay · 23/07/2018 17:07

i hope today went well for you. The whole situation is horrible.

CatsCatsCats11 · 23/07/2018 17:10

Hope today went well OP

Thedutchwife · 23/07/2018 17:47

Go for full custody

Churrolicious · 23/07/2018 17:51

Really hope today went ok.

CantankerousCamel · 23/07/2018 18:01

My goodness I so rarely want a child to be separated from its mother but in this case I hope for exactly that.

I’m glad the solicitors are involved. Fingers crossed

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