Can I Stop DDs mum moving away

[PapaMeerkat]

I am a father to DD who is 6.
I was never in a proper relationship with her mum and our relationship has been very up and down over the years. It was ok just after DD was born but then whenever I do/say something her mum doesn't like then she stops contact for a few weeks till I threaten to take her back to court and then we go back to normal again.

I am currently married and expecting a baby via a surrogate, and DD stays with us EOweekend and 3 evenings a week. I also pick her up and drop her off at an after school activity 1 day a week and I have her half the school holidays. I also take her any extra time her mum needs me to have her. Her mum is also married and DD has StepSisters.

When I picked up DD from school yesterday she was acting quiet at first I thought it was just the heat/tiredness but as the evening went on she was clingy and kept crying for no real reason. But when I tried to chat to her about it she would refuse to speak and sometimes she would start crying again. She took ages to settle to bed and then in the middle of the night she came crying into our bed and she took ages so settle which is something she hasn't done since she was a toddler.

Today she was exactly the same clingy and crying. After dinner I just sat with her and cuddled her for ages and reassured her that she could talk to me and eventually she blurted out that they are all moving to the other side of the country in the school holidays. That she wasn't supposed to know but her Ssisters told her and so she asked her mum who confirmed it but made her promise that she wouldn't tell me because I would be upset and it would make everyone cross. DD was then hysterical saying that she didn't want to go that she will miss me and DP and she will never see the new baby once they are born and she doesn't want to leave her grandparents etc and she got so upset she made herself sick so I calmed her down as best I could and I told her I would talk to her mum about it but that if they do move I will always be there for her and we will come and visit but she was still upset saying that she wants to live with us.

So once DD was calmed down I messaged her mum and she eventually confirmed that they are moving as her DP will have better work opportunities. She said that they have already made most of the arrangements and I will just have to visit when I can (It will would be roughly an 8 hour car ride there so we won't be able to pop over and visit her for the weekend).

I am devastated and I am trying to work out if there is someway I can stop this happening, for me and for DD. So I'm hoping someone might be able to help me because I don't know what to do next but I don't want to lose my DD. But then I don't know if legally I can stop them moving with her either.

The fuck you do have to just get over it this is your child that they are proposing to move to the other side of the country and remove from you in breach of a court order. I see you have contacted your solicitor I'm glad I really hope they can help you and quickly

Fight as hard as you can for her!!! Seems her mums partner only has his own interests in mind and your dd is an after thought.

It's heartbreaking your poor dd. I hope the courts stop this shit show in its tracks.

Don't wait for the solicitor to read your email, ring them today. You need to start the legal steps asap.

No more Mr nice guy, you need some hard lawyering and a PSO immediately. It's obvious that she was going to probably move without even telling you, leaving you no options at all. Shut down this move immediately and stop all contact with her except via a solicitor (except for child related stuff, is pickups/drop-off). Record and document everything. Contact schools, LEAs etc...and start petition for full custody ASAP.

What do you want the outcome to be op? As I said upthread, I am a grandparent carer on the other side of a situation like this and I would give anything for my gs to have a caring, involved, sane and decent dad like you. I just do not get this one; how will your ex cope when you are not so readily available to provide childcare? I think he (partner) is driving this so he can be the alpha male, cutting your ex and daughter off from their support network. Very worrying situation.

I don't have any advice but I just want to pass on my best wishes to you. I wish my dcs dad was the same as you. He left and moved 120 miles away. Didn't bother him in the slightest and it still doesn't.

Dh's daughter (my step daughter) moved away from us 2 years ago. The mother failed to inform dh until 2 weeks before the move until everything was set in stone. She refuses to play any part in drop offs/collections and dh has to do it all which means sometimes in really difficult circumstances she can't come due to her living so far away. We just can't get to her.

You sound like one devoted father and I really wish you and your dd the best,

Keep us updated with what happens - this has really played on my heart strings for you - but more your dd if I'm honest and what she's feeling and going through. Keep fighting for her x

I wonder if your Ex is in an abusive relationship. Anyway that's not a priority for you.

Don't let them do this to you and your DD. Whoever mentioned the OPs partner possibly being a man is irrelevant.

I wouldn’t go down the legal route of preventing a move. It may antagonise and make it more difficult for you to see your daughter.

Maintain the healthy communication with her mother.

Consider that you may not be able to pop over frequently anymore, but that you will have longer access during school holidays, for example weeks at a time especially during school summer hols.

Also, it’s often cheaper and obviously cuts several hours off travel time if you fly between regional airports. A big effort, but worth it for a child. Perhaps your ex partner or her DP would even agree to pick you up from the airport.

Your partner’s DP better job prospects will also mean perhaps your child will enjoy better financial stability which is not as important, but helps.

My ex partner stopped travelling 180 miles to visit his kids the day I stopped paying for his fuel and accommodation costs. Your daughter will remember the effort you made travelling to see her one day. Then your relationship with her will flourish into her adulthood.

You sound like a wonderful Dad. As a child I experienced a similar situation, and although I settled eventually, it was heartbreaking for me at the time. I hope that your ex does not go through with this. If the worst does happen, i know it's cold comfort now, but when she's older your DD will fully appreciate the efforts that you go to to maintain contact.

GreenProvence

Ignore posters who are telling you to not prevent a move. It's a selfish POV...with little thought for you and DD.

Don't let them bully you....or try and intimidate you into anything.

What a horrible man the step father is...thinking you should "Get over It... would he get over his DDs being taken 8 hours away?

Wow! Your ex's dp has residency of HIS kids but can't see what a hypocrite he's being!

I moved to Scotland away from where my ex was living.

The difference for us was he was erratic and unreliable on contact even when we lived near him, I moved to be near family and have support. He was in army and could have been moved any number of places with work at any time anyhow.

I bent over backwards for him to see dd in holidays as much as possible, he couldn't even book leave in time!

I'm saying all this cos in my dds case it was a good thing I was in a very different jurisdiction.

There was nothing he could do to make us move out of Scotland as he'd need to reside in Scotland to take me to court - but in your case that's a major problem!

You absolutely need to get this resolved before your ex establishes your dd as resident in Scotland.

You need to seriously consider with your partner if you want to go for full residency of your dd and if yes - go for it!

Your ex and her dp are way out of line, it sounds like this was months in planning and they were most calculating in not saying a word! Most likely to make it harder for you to do something about it.

Well you do have time so use it.

If you can try and draw them into sending a written version of what they said, about dd needing only one 'home' etc because most family court judges will not be impressed at them trying to force you out the picture altogether!

So sorry you & dd going through s this. No need for it.

" DD will be happier in the long term if she just has one home and his DCs want to move "

It doesn't have to be so far though does it-or that theirs should be the "one home"

And who is he to decide what is best for his step daughter?

She has two parents for that!

You need to listen to your daughter and she is begging you to stop this. Stop trying to play nice it won't be beneficial for you or your daughter in the long term. You need to see a family solicitor asap and get an emergency court order stopping them from moving in the interim until it can be heard properly. Please do thia before she can move, scottish laws are different and it will be so much harder maybe impossible once they are living there. Think of your daughter crying and get on the case now you sound like a good dad and she needs you to fight for her.

*“I wouldn’t go down the legal route of preventing a move. It may antagonise and make it more difficult for you to see your daughter.

Maintain the healthy communication with her mother.

Consider that you may not be able to pop over frequently anymore, but that you will have longer access during school holidays, for example weeks at a time especially during school summer hols”*

What a complete crock of and it’s I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t offer up to a mother, nor advice you’d follow yourself.

OP has pretty much 50:50 right now. He couldn’t get close to the same quality of contact even if he had every single school half term and holiday - and that wouldn’t happen. Even if the court ordered it, his exW has a history of disregarding CAOs. She doesn’t need “antagonising” to make contact difficult.

How have you got on with the PSO, OP?

The way they've been so sneaky...it's clear they want you out of her life and I wouldn't trust that they'll allow you to see her in Scotland.

The calculated planning tells you everything. Fight for your DD. She needs you.

Have you gotten onto the lawyer/court yet OP? You really need to be onto this. It sounds to me like your DD will be best living with you permanently, not her Mum.

Amazing how many people tell him not to fight this. I wouldn't be ok only seeing my children in the school holidays.

changedname3456 I followed that advice myself, yes.

GreenProvence well, without knowing the circumstances that led you to make the decision for yourself, I’d be out of order calling you an idiot for it.

Giving OP that advice with the background he’s given on the thread? It’s idiotic.

Thank you for all your advice.
I have seen a lawyer and he thought I had a very good case and we are filing for a PSO.

I also had a meeting with the school and they assured me that they don't know anything about DD moving and it hasn't been brought up to them.

To answer some of your questions yes I am gay. DDs mum has always had a problem with it and over the years its one of the main reasons she has stopped me seeing DD. However I thought that recently they had become more accepting as they didn't make a fuss when we told them about the baby whereas usually they stop contact.
I'm wondering now if they had this move planned all along and thats why they didn't kick off because they knew they had plans to move anyway.

I picked up DD today from school, the teacher said DD has been very unsettled crying over minor incidents and not playing with the other children like she used to. I explained to her teacher some of what has been going on and she is keeping an eye on her.
DD was very upset while she was here and she didn't want to go home again. She keeps saying she wants to live with us and even made us a list with reasons why she should stay here. It breaks my heart to see her like this she is such a clever sensitive girl anyway whatever happens is going to really hurt her.

This is heartbreaking to read! you sound like such a good dad, no wonder it's affecting your dd so badly. I sincerely hope you manage to sort something.

Keep fighting to see her. Sounds like they just planned to tell the school at the end of term, or at the beginning of the new school year.

Keep a record of your conversations with your Ex and her H. Don't be pushed out of her life by them.

I'm so sorry for your situation OP, it must be awful for you and DD having to deal with all of this and with such short notice too.
I'm sorry I really can't offer much advice on a legal basis, but it seems like you have all that being sorted now anyway.
I do want to advise that you discuss the move over the phone or face to face as little as possible with DD's mum or her partner, and try to keep it all to text, messenger etc. This way you have all evidence of any discussions between you, just in case it can help your case in anyway.

Good luck with everything for you and DD, you sound like a wonderful father and your child would certainly be losing out by not having you as big a part of her life anymore.

Glad you are in a good position legally. Would you and dp consider taking full residency of your dd? While not ideal if ex & her partner insist on this move and your dd wants to live with you both then I think its something you should consider.

Horrible position to be in, your poor dd must be so stressed out! As well as you and your partner.

Bloody selfish of your ex & her partner to do all this.

Your being gay is completely irrelevant. I suspected it was possible but it has no bearing on this, you're clearly a good, involved and loving dad.

I really hope that your DD is ok xxx