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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He made me eat paper

509 replies

Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 03:02

I’m stuck in my situation
I know I can’t get out but it helps to write

Tonight after 3 days non stop verbal abuse or complete silence towards me
My husband found some pictures I drew of how I felt ( sad faces ect )

That day - he called his parents to our table
He said I had to explain myself and the images

I said it’s just how I feel , I draw sad things when I’m sad

He called the kids to watch and He said You have two options

Eat your drawings now or I will devorse you and take it all

I said no I won’t ?!? Why would you even suggest such things

After arguing about this for a while and refusing , his mum started pleading with me to eat the paper

After sometime he held me against the wall and shoved it all in my mouth then pushed me in the floor in front of our family

I can’t belive I was made to eat paper I’m so upset this has happened to me . And they saw

Has anyone ever heard of this before ?

OP posts:
MakeMineALarge1 · 28/06/2018 08:09

OP this is truly the most horrific thing I have read, my heart aches for you, however I am genuinely frightened for you.

Others on here have far more practical advise and I will leave it to them to offer that. I just wanted to say please keep you and your children safe, please seek help, today.

PigEyedHorseFrightener · 28/06/2018 08:11

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Ohmydayslove · 28/06/2018 08:11

It is your most dangerous time wen you decide to leave if he finds out so if you are so scared of him I would honestly now right now dial 999 and get the police. They will protect you.

HisBetterHalf · 28/06/2018 08:12

Please seek help. Help is available.
I cant believe his family allowed this to happen, whether they speak the language or not is no excuse to stand by and allow him to do this to you

SugarIsAmazing · 28/06/2018 08:14

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Tinkobell · 28/06/2018 08:18

You have to leave OP. The DH is unhinged. Everyone is so worried what next?

couchparsnip · 28/06/2018 08:19

Please don't stay and don't let on that you are going either. Just make arrangements quickly and go without telling him. Then get the police involved - this was assault.

lasttimeround · 28/06/2018 08:19

If you are from the UK and he isn't are you worried he'll lose his immigration leave if you split? Would that have reoercussions on your extended family?
Theres ways round some of that. Let me know if i can help. This is abuse.

Lefroy · 28/06/2018 08:19

What he did was abusive.

If he divorces you, you don't have nothing, you have your life and freedom and that is priceless. Make steps to leave him now as the abuse is only going to escalate.

I don't know your situation so I couldn't advise on a plan to leave him but I'm sure others can, could you speak to Women's Aid or other similar charities?

Snowysky20009 · 28/06/2018 08:23

OP are you ok let us know you are ok

LoveInTokyo · 28/06/2018 08:27

OP, I'm so sorry to read this.

As others have said, please tell us roughly where you are so people can point you in the direction of people and services who can help you.

You do not have to stay in this situation.

If your MIL told you to eat the paper then it strongly suggests that she has suffered similar abuse at the hands of her husband and that your husband grew up witnessing it and believes that this is normal. It isn't.

Please break the cycle and get your children out of this toxic and dangerous situation.

TSSDNCOP · 28/06/2018 08:27

He’s made you eat paper in front of witnesses.

Witnesses that were too scared to help you or too young and should never see such abuse.

What will he make you eat next or what abuse will he mete before anyone helps you?

You’ll need to help yourself here OP.

LoveInTokyo · 28/06/2018 08:29

Oh, and I don't think this is the reason why you feel unable to leave, but just thought someone should point it out:

"Eat your drawings now or I will devorse you and take it all"

If you're in the UK, he can't actually do this. That's just not how our laws work.

If you're not in the UK then please tell us where you are.

Loonoon · 28/06/2018 08:31

Get secret advice ASAP and take the steps you need to enable you and your DC to leave this abuser safely.

Mix56 · 28/06/2018 08:35

& this, sadly is the reality until the end, it won't stop. This is the way he will be for the rest of your life. Can you think about that ?

You must take your children & leave, , it may be hard, but women do it everyday to save themselves & their children.

Fist step, find children's birth certificates & passports. take them & hide them out of the house , leave at your work place or give to a family member or friend.
Change your password on phone, cloud, log out of "find my phone", log out of any shared social media.
Privacy is important.

Ohmydayslove · 28/06/2018 08:39

Passports excellent idea and both certificates so you have them love

Does he leave the house to work? Are your children in school as School will help you.

Again op can you clarify are you a uk citizen living here in the uk. It really needs to be clarified so posters can help you xxx

ShatnersWig · 28/06/2018 08:42

This is what the OP wrote six months ago:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3114040-Is-this-ok

OP you really need to listen to what people have told you on this thread and others. You MUST leave and you MUST do so. If you can't do it for you, then at least do it for your children.

Racecardriver · 28/06/2018 08:43

You need to leave immediately with your children. If he dies this to you want is stopping him from doing it to them? What is stopping him from doing something worse? Call womens aid. Report him to the police. Never look back.

MiniTheMinx · 28/06/2018 08:43

This is probably the most disturbing thing I've ever read on MN.

His behaviour is calculated, premeditated and psychopathic.

It can only get worse. As he humiliates and breaks you further reducing your humanity to him, he will do worse because he will come to despise you. He already thinks of you as less than him, eventually he will see you as subhuman, it's a process. 5 million jews are evidence of how this dynamic plays out.

Do you love him?

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/06/2018 08:45

I am helping my friend through her divorce.

I have been asking for help on here with certain aspects of the divorce. I have never gone into detail some of the abuse she has suffered but it made my blood run cold when I saw what you wrote in your op and subsequent update.

You can leave. He isn't going to take everything. Your children need only see their father on supervised visits if you think he is a flight risk.

My friend looking back knows he only married her for a passport. (He still hasn't a passport).

She is probably 18 years on from where you are now.

She has life changing injuries that mean she is in constant pain and will never hold down a job again.
All down to his actions.
She can't prove anything because it was either an accident or he was careful to leave no marks.

Once the DC were born the abuse ramped up and we think he was hoping that she would leave him. In the terms of his Indefinite Leave To Remain if he divorced her he would have been deported.

So he screamed, shouted and much much worse at her every single day for 20 years. But she didn't leave. She had nowhere to go. It was only because a neighbour called the police last year because it was getting worse and they came and arrested him and with a concerted effort from her friends she got an injunction out on him has the divorce gone ahead.

It is over a year since he has left.

My friend is so sad that she let things go on. Like you she thought it would get better that he still loved her but is beside herself with grief about all the time she has wasted as she knows now he never loved her he was only after a passport and in his pursuit of that little maroon book she ended up crippled and in constant pain and 20 years of her life has been taken and her children whilst they don't like their father they treat their mother like shit as they learned that behaviour from their fathers treatment of their mother

Run now whilst you can.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 28/06/2018 08:54

Op whatever country you are currently residing in, Google womens hostel, womens shelter, hostel for women and children fleeing domestic abuse etc...and call them.and they will help you arrange your escape, they will take you somewhere safe where he won't find you and give you shelter and food and help you get your life on track...do not stay with him, if his mother asked you to eat paper it's probably only because she is probably abused too and your husband learned it watching his father ...you don't want your kids continuing the cycle do.you?...

Also if you do escape, then change your names, I mean first and last names...for example if he is looking for "Mary smith" then he isn't going to ever find and track you down as "sue Jones"

Lovemyhubby · 28/06/2018 09:22

Do you have any family or friends that can help you?

Ignoring your sad feelings and punishing you for feeling that way by forcing you to eat paper infront of others is not love. Your husband does not love you. If he did there would be no verbal abuse.

Please don’t stay with a man who does not love you, who does not care for your feelings and happiness. That life is a living hell.

You are lovable. You are worthy of love. You are not the problem, your husband is. It wouldn’t matter who the woman was, your husband would treat them just as badly.

Men who are abusive cannot be saved or change. They need lots of therapy.

You deserve a happy life. You can leave your husband. Do it for your happiness and that of your kids.

Ohmydayslove · 28/06/2018 09:24

I have read your previous thread. He threatened to kill you. Get out now op. Really get your kids and get out.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 28/06/2018 09:25

I'll be surprised if the OP comes back. Sometimes it's too overwhelming to do anything.

TuTru · 28/06/2018 09:28

That’s absolutely disgusting. What a terrible human he is. You need to get out, even if you don’t want to or think you can’t. Get away, take the kids. He is an abusive bullying bastard!!