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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He made me eat paper

509 replies

Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 03:02

I’m stuck in my situation
I know I can’t get out but it helps to write

Tonight after 3 days non stop verbal abuse or complete silence towards me
My husband found some pictures I drew of how I felt ( sad faces ect )

That day - he called his parents to our table
He said I had to explain myself and the images

I said it’s just how I feel , I draw sad things when I’m sad

He called the kids to watch and He said You have two options

Eat your drawings now or I will devorse you and take it all

I said no I won’t ?!? Why would you even suggest such things

After arguing about this for a while and refusing , his mum started pleading with me to eat the paper

After sometime he held me against the wall and shoved it all in my mouth then pushed me in the floor in front of our family

I can’t belive I was made to eat paper I’m so upset this has happened to me . And they saw

Has anyone ever heard of this before ?

OP posts:
gingergenius · 28/06/2018 06:03

One day you will end up dead at the hands of this man OP. I'm sorry if that sounds brutal but you MUST try to find a way to leave.

sparklepops123 · 28/06/2018 06:05

You absolutely can leave or seek help you just don’t realise it at this moment. Reach out to women’s aid even if it is to talk for now. He’s not going to get any nicer. The sooner you leave the better

DinkyDaisy · 28/06/2018 06:06

Where can you get support outside the family?
You do need help. Your children will see this as the norm. This is not ok...
You need help. Please get it for the sake of yourself and your children.

Cherrysherbet · 28/06/2018 06:06

I'm so sorry is happened to you op. This is truly shocking. This man is an abusive bully, and you must be brave and find a way to leave. You and your children deserve better than this.

MistressDeeCee · 28/06/2018 06:06

Why can't you leave? Does he own you?

AllCleverAndThat · 28/06/2018 06:07

Op, say the country you are in so we can give you advice.

Laws are different depending on your country so we don’t want to tell you the wrong thing.

speakout · 28/06/2018 06:14

Where do you live OP?

GertrudeCB · 28/06/2018 06:18

He is an abuser and it will get worse. Keep posting for support. It's not your fault.

PoppyJ1 · 28/06/2018 06:21

OP, please tell us more about your situation to help us understand.

I know you've been asked if you're in Britain, but sometimes people are in Britain and still unable to access help. You speak good English but say his parents don't so this suggests there is a language/cultural/distance issue here. Are you perhaps in Britain but a long way from your own family and friends? Or are you British but travelled elsewhere? Are you perhaps part of a culture that frowns on divorce and makes it harder for women to get out of abusive relationships?

Jenasaurus · 28/06/2018 06:28

im pretty certain you could report him to the police as this is definitely assault. Recent new laws protect you from this type of abuse, there were witnesses too although not sure the parents would confirm what they saw but depending on the age of your DC they also witnessed it. Whatever you decide you must leave, sooner rather than later, it will escalate. You DH discovered you were depressed when he found your drawings and instead of helping you he punished you, this reflects on him and not you. It sounds like he grew up in an abusive dynamic as a child and is continuing the pattern, please take your DC and get to a safe place.

Jenasaurus · 28/06/2018 06:33

Do you have anyone you can get help from, a member of your family, friend, colleague you can trust that will help you escape? If not a person in authority, talk to your Doctor, Police, Social Services you need to get out and you need to get out now. His threat of divorce, does he think you will be worse off without him, as I don't see how that can be the case with the abuse he is subjecting you and your DC too. (he is abusing and assaulting their mother in front of them, that is also abusing them and they will suffer emotional and psychological damage) I am happy for you to message me your location and I will try and find some help for you.

Ansumpasty · 28/06/2018 06:40

That was very hard to read, op. I hope you manage to find a way to free yourself from that man and his family. I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to remember that YOU and your happiness are important and nobody deserves to live with a man like that.

OneNameToRuleThemAll · 28/06/2018 06:43

This man isn't simply an abuser, he sounds like an atypical narcissistic sadist and therefore extremely dangerous. Please try and leave.

OneNameToRuleThemAll · 28/06/2018 06:44

Typical. Not atypical.

listsandbudgets · 28/06/2018 06:45

0808 2000 247

if you are in UK please call womens aid on above number. Its a 24 hour number. You need help and you need to get out if you can. Nibody should habe to live like this

sandgrown · 28/06/2018 06:48

This is abuse. Please contact Women's Aid or Karma Nirvana if they are more appropriate to your situation. Good Luck.

FriendlyOcelot · 28/06/2018 06:51

Op please for the love of all that is sacred take your kids and get the hell out of this marriage. How dare he treat you like that! No one deserves this.

GrimSisters · 28/06/2018 06:57

That was awful to read OP. Are you able to plan and fund a flight back to your home country for you and your children? Do you have any support back home? If so, I'm afraid I'd say stuff the Hague conventions (is the country you're in/your home country a signatory?) and get out of there.

Blondielongie · 28/06/2018 07:00

Are you in the UK?

You need to call the police, do you take the kids to school? Can you call from the school? When you are away from the house,?

Original poster
Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 07:01

I am from the U.K.
He is not originally and family are visiting

I have tried to get advice before many times
I think by the time they actually get back to me he and the situation calms down - and I think maybe I imagined how bad it was or if it was my fault . Or Prehaps I deserve what he does . It’s good sometimes to be reminded about what happens even when things are good

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 28/06/2018 07:02

Your dc witnessed this?

Op get you and them away from this abuser ASAP

barbsbarbs · 28/06/2018 07:03

national domestic helpline number 24-hour National Domestic Violence
Freephone Helpline

0808 2000 247

NerrSnerr · 28/06/2018 07:04

You have to be strong and leave with your children to protect all of you. Who will protect them if he kills you? What happens if he does the same (or worse) to them?

Your children are growing up in an abusive household, it's your job to protect them.

Cheby · 28/06/2018 07:05

Call women’s Aid, go to a refuge today with your children.

lasttimeround · 28/06/2018 07:08

This is abuse. Its also disturbling that hes focused on humiliating you rather than hurting you. Nasty.
Get out. Espevially as hes d9ing this in front of his mother. Ie no shame, totally normalised.