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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He made me eat paper

509 replies

Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 03:02

I’m stuck in my situation
I know I can’t get out but it helps to write

Tonight after 3 days non stop verbal abuse or complete silence towards me
My husband found some pictures I drew of how I felt ( sad faces ect )

That day - he called his parents to our table
He said I had to explain myself and the images

I said it’s just how I feel , I draw sad things when I’m sad

He called the kids to watch and He said You have two options

Eat your drawings now or I will devorse you and take it all

I said no I won’t ?!? Why would you even suggest such things

After arguing about this for a while and refusing , his mum started pleading with me to eat the paper

After sometime he held me against the wall and shoved it all in my mouth then pushed me in the floor in front of our family

I can’t belive I was made to eat paper I’m so upset this has happened to me . And they saw

Has anyone ever heard of this before ?

OP posts:
barbsbarbs · 28/06/2018 07:08

NerrSnerr I agree with you, however she needs empowering not blaming.
Cantspellbutimmagic well done for telling people, this is the first step, but you do not have to live with this. there is real help out there.

Veterinari · 28/06/2018 07:08

OP please call women’s Aid. What you’ve experienced is not normal. It is abuse and your children are witnessing it. If you have a son do you want him to grow up seeing women as a toy to control and abuse? If you have a daughter would you want her to experience what you are now? No one that loves you would treat you like this. It has NEVER ok to treat someone like this - you do NOT deserve it and there is no provocation that makes your husband’s Behaviour acceptable. Please phone women’s aid.

PickAChew · 28/06/2018 07:08

Nobody deserves abuse like that.

sparklepops123 · 28/06/2018 07:09

What would you do if he did it to one of your children ?

AllCleverAndThat · 28/06/2018 07:09

Read this book OP - it’s called ‘why does he do that’. You’re not imagining it and it’s not your fault.
The whole book is in the link as a pdf.unityandstruggle.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

ThatsWotSheSaid · 28/06/2018 07:10

You need to leave OP. This is physical and emotional abuse. Please find the strength to get out if not for you then for your children, they will be damaged for the rest of their lives because of this.

MakeMineATwin2 · 28/06/2018 07:10

This is very sad! Op you need to get out of this relationship immediately!

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 28/06/2018 07:14

Op where are your family? Do they know about this? Can you call them for help? Or a friend?

This is awful, wrong on every level, and it's definitely him, not you. You need to eat help, either from people you know or from women's aid as advised above. Please keep talking to us here. There are lots of amazing women who have gone through abuse and come out the other side who can really help you.

Keep talking to us.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 28/06/2018 07:14

*get help!! Bloody phone so sorry!

Pratchet · 28/06/2018 07:14

When he is being 'decent' to you, he is actually continuing the abuse. It's part of the abuse. I hope you are able to remember this.

Also please know that it will be very dangerous for you if he finds out you have spoken/posted about this may be considering taking action.

Hide your phone. Make plans. Record his abuse. Get away from him. Leave no clue where you have gone.

MattBerrysHair · 28/06/2018 07:15

I guarantee that it's always definitely worse than you remember and that you minimise what is happening to you. Nobody EVER deserves that kind of abuse and humiliation, and your dc will be learning terrible things from witnessing it. If you can, Op, start formulating an escape plan. By the way, what he does to you is illegal.

barbsbarbs · 28/06/2018 07:15

domestic abuse doesnt need to be physical, it can be emotional, verbal, gaslighting and mental, these are often the worst types of abuse and extremely damaging to yourself and the children. Refuge is not for everyone, but it is now a criminal offence for the above types of abuse, seek advice from the police and CAB. I know its extremely difficult to act as many survivors of domestic abuse feel powerless and often low self esteem, but act for your kids if anything else, I bet your an amazing mother, so Please Seek advice today, make this the first step, small steps lead to a thousand miles...

PamsterWheel · 28/06/2018 07:16

DISGUSTING. LEAVE NOW.

flumpybear · 28/06/2018 07:16

Find the strength to kick him out! Get the locks changed and call the police non emergency fir advice
Good luck

AgathaF · 28/06/2018 07:19

This is sickening. You, and quite possibly your children, are in physical danger from him. You and your children are already suffering psychologically from him. You need to get some help. He cannot divorce you and take everything. UK law doesn't work like that. You need to get help and find out your rights.

Starlight345 · 28/06/2018 07:19

There is no reason you can’t leave . My ex ran up debts so felt I was financially trapped . Funny thing I actually managed better with out him .

Do phone women’s aid .

Guavaf1sh · 28/06/2018 07:20

You have to leave - and leave quickly. It may seem like you can’t but you have to and will feel so much better for it

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 28/06/2018 07:21

If you don’t care enough about yourself (and I don’t blame you if you have been subjected to this for years), fine but at least think about your children, you are raising kids who will turn into abusers or victims as witnessing this normalises the abuse and violence.

Please don’t use any brain space to convince yourself you can’t leave or is better to stay put.

Use it instead to carefully plan and prepare your exit.

What he is doing is horrific, He is dangerous, you cannot leave it for a year or two, younbeed to act now as the longer you leave it, the more difficult it will be.

user1457017537 · 28/06/2018 07:22

Leave his sorry ass and abusive family. He is probably using you and your children. Do you have acces to money. Does he work or have a business

Lndnmummy · 28/06/2018 07:23

Hey OP, this is so hard but you have to leave. You can’t make this better and things will not change. He is very very dangerous and you need help.

thegreylady · 28/06/2018 07:25

Please contact Women’s Aid then take your children, any relevant personal papers and go asap. You should also report the abuse, for abuse it is, to the police. This life to which you are subjecting your children and yourself is not worth suffering another day.

Ohmydayslove · 28/06/2018 07:27

I think you should dial 999 now and get the police there and explain everything. They will help you and see you and your children to a safe place.

Do it now op this man is dangerous to you and your children.

LagunaBubbles · 28/06/2018 07:32

can’t go into much detail about why but I can’t leave

You can't write such a horrific story of what he did to you and nor expect people to tell you to leave. This won't end well. He will destroy you and your children if you stay, I am hugely sympathetic to your situation as I've been there but I suspect now this thread will fill up with everyone telling you to leave and you saying you can't. You can.

Granolabear · 28/06/2018 07:32

Well if he pushes you against a wall and forces paper into your mouth that sounds pretty physical to me.

That is truly awful and calculated to be humiliating and demeaning as it can be. This is VERY damaging for your children to see and the situation has GOT to change and you CAN make it change.

You deserve better than this, your children need a better life than this.

Listen to the amazing women on this page who will talk you through every step you need to escape and be free. Get your children out. He can’t divorce you and take it all.

You need to change this, you have one life, i promise you it can be so much better than this.

Flowers for you.