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Original poster

DP moving in and debts. Am i being unfair?

311 replies

Humbugington · 04/06/2018 11:02

Been with my partner about 12 months, we were planning on him moving in before the end of the year (september october time).

We have had a few small discussions recently about finances, how it would work etc. Everytime we do he tells me about a littlw bit more debt he "thought i knew about"

He pays £600 a month on his car by the time hes paid finance and insurance etc. (Its a stupid pride and joy car that can apparently only have the best parts and shell fuel etc.)
He also has a £3000 credit card debt and pays his mum back £200 a month for a £20000 loan for solicitors when things with his ex broke down (he has a 3 yr old son)
His phone is also on a £60 month contract.

This month after all his bills were paid he had £100 left to buy food and petrol Hmm

I am a single mum to a 18 month old, i work part time and get UC. I work really hard to stay out of debt. I have none and would like to keep it that way.

So i said maube we should put off him moving in for a bit until he gets his debts in better order. He said he can pay his debts off quicker though if he moves in because he wont be paying rent and stuff and then we can start saving for a.mortgage sooner etc. He also says he got the debt before he got with me and there is nothing he can do contracts hes tied into to (i suggested he sell his car and get a cheap run around)

I kind of see his point but i still feel like its just dragging me into all his debt which feels messy and makes me uncomfortable. AIBU to want him to clear his debt a bit first?

OP posts:
catintheworld · 04/06/2018 12:26

don't do it. He sounds like a man child. Find yourself someone who lives within their means and if they can't afford stuff, either take on extra work so they can or live more cheaply.

You will lose your benefits if he means in with you and be significantly worse off. He sounds like he doesn't have an adult head on his shoulders yet. Is he very young?

catintheworld · 04/06/2018 12:27

*moves

StaplesCorner · 04/06/2018 12:27

You owe it to your daughter not to do this. What would you say to her if she outlined the same scenario to you in 20 years time?

You can still see him if you want to, but the best way for him to help get his debts sorted out is for him to sell the car. You know it, he knows it. I bet his Mum can't wait for him to go and freeload off someone else - like you.

Dhalandchips · 04/06/2018 12:27

Oh god,, this was me 13 years ago. All I can say is just don't.... For your sanity and health and the relationship with your children/friends/family. Just don't.

GladAllOver · 04/06/2018 12:27

I was about to say what Three has just said.

Do you want debt chasers and bailiffs knocking on your door?

Do you want credit reference agencies putting a black mark against your address?

Just don't do this. He will bring you down.

SpandexTutu · 04/06/2018 12:29

One of the benefits of moving in is that you both get to share costs and save money. You should have to work 2 more days per week to cover what it will cost you.
Why does he think he can live rent free?
Why does he think you will pay for everything?
What planet is he on?!

expatinscotland · 04/06/2018 12:31

He prioritises a car and phone over paying for his kid! You shouldn't be giving him the time of day. FFS. He thinks he's entitled to this and he'll do anything to maintain that for him because he's No. 1.

pigmcpigface · 04/06/2018 12:32

I would say he could move in, rent-free, on three conditions

  1. He stops spending money on ridiculous shit while he's in debt. That means the pride-and-joy car has to go, to be replaced by something much much cheaper.
  2. He discloses ALL the debt he's paying off
  3. He agrees to stick to a strict budgeting plan. £500 from the car each month can go on to clearing the credit card (6 months) and paying back his mum (28 payments of £700 once the CC has gone).

If any of these conditions make him hesitate, he's not a keeper.

RabbitsAreTasty · 04/06/2018 12:32

Hell no.

AnyFucker · 04/06/2018 12:32

This guy's cock must be studded with diamonds...

expatinscotland · 04/06/2018 12:33

I'd not let him move in because once he gets his feet under your table it will be very hard to get them out.

0ccamsRazor · 04/06/2018 12:33

After reading these replies, what do you think you should do Op?

How do you feel about this issue?

How do you see yourself moving forward here?

RabbitsAreTasty · 04/06/2018 12:35

No way would I take responsibility for telling him how to manage his debt like pig.

If he's too selfish or dumb to lose the bling to pay back his own mother then he's too selfish or dumb to be with me.

I wonder how much of his debt the poor ex has been left with.

wagil · 04/06/2018 12:36

You should both benefit financially by living together. If he benefits at your expense then you really need to rethink him moving in. Are you slightly subsidising him already? providing meals and such like?

GladAllOver · 04/06/2018 12:36

As for being "tied with contracts", he voluntarily tied himself with them while he had a £20,000 debt. How responsible is that?
As pp has said, his mother must be desperate to pass him off to someone else.

wagil · 04/06/2018 12:37

AF....ouch!

lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 04/06/2018 12:38

OP you have been warned. You would need to be an absolute mug to fall for this. He can't wait to get into your rent free, make his own position better and buy more boys toys whilst yours get worse. He sounds like he is a spoilt child, not partner material.

TheGlaikitRambler · 04/06/2018 12:39

If he only has £100 left per month, is that all he is giving you towards rent/bills/food? Shock

StaplesCorner · 04/06/2018 12:40

Glaikit I think that's all he has for himself, as in his spending money - not what he intends giving the OP!! I should imagine that's £0 Hmm

cakecakecheese · 04/06/2018 12:41

Hmm moving in with you instead of properly taking steps to sort out his finances isn't really someone you should be letting move in with you. My ex husband had debts when we moved in together but he listened to my advice of getting rid of his boy racer car and taking on my Mum's unsexy but cheap to run car, getting a debt management plan, stopping expensive habits like takeaway coffee etc. Your partner should be doing similar to prove to you he's someone you can set up home with, the fact that he's been dripfeeding you his financial situation isn't good.

bubbles108 · 04/06/2018 12:42

Absolutely no. Do not get involved until he's debt free

TolchockLovelyInTheLitso · 04/06/2018 12:43

I'm still wondering how on earth anyone can pay £60 a month on a phone. The only explanations are:
~ he uses so much data he's on it all the time and you'll never get to talk to him/spend any time with him when he's not staring at his phone anyway
or
~ he's too stupid to find a decent deal.
Either way it's unattractive.

GladAllOver · 04/06/2018 12:45

Absolutely no. Do not get involved until he's debt free
He never will be debt free. His whole life has been built on borrowing and debts. He doesn't know how to be any different.

TheMaddHugger · 04/06/2018 12:46

nope Nope NOPE NOPE

daisychain01 · 04/06/2018 12:48

Please, please DONT let him move in, with conditions.

He will never abide by the conditions, you'll just be a soft touch!!!

Hills this way >>>>>>>>>> 👟 👟

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