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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband and prostitute

539 replies

MrsGaslighted · 03/06/2018 02:06

I've been with my perfect husband 25 years. Really wish I'd seen mumsnet 8 months ago, before I saw the text on his phone arranging an appointment with a hooker, and had not shown my hand. I confronted him straight away and was told he was never going to go through with it. I now know about 'the script'
I have done a hell of a lot of digging since but he has outright denied everything. I have so much circumstantial evidence but can't prove a bloody thing and I think I am going mad!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsGaslighted · 29/06/2018 23:35

These tablets are taking effect thank fuck.

OP posts:
NoFucksImAQueen · 29/06/2018 23:36

I'm so sorry op

CardinalCat · 29/06/2018 23:36

I am so sorry for your discovery and the pain that comes with it, but on the other hand, you are vindicated- he was doing what you thought (knew) he was up to, and he has lied and lied to you. You can now take control because the gaslighting is over. He no longer controls this. I am so sorry. Lean on your friend tonight- we are all here for you tonight, tomorrow, and beyond.

moose234 · 29/06/2018 23:37

I'm sorry OP, that's awful! Stay strong

Mywonderfulstar · 29/06/2018 23:37

Yes with prostitutes. It’s been difficult to get my head round it

Original poster
MrsGaslighted · 29/06/2018 23:39

Thank you all. I'm feeling pretty spaced out now. Back in the morning. Thanks again x

OP posts:
allymcbeal1 · 29/06/2018 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MrsGaslighted · 29/06/2018 23:48

My wonderful star.
I don't think I will reply tonight as I'm on the verge of passing out! But how did you find out and what did you do? It's really helping me to know other people have been through this. I need to be strong. God these tablets are strong. I'm going to sleep now

OP posts:
CaledonianQueen · 29/06/2018 23:51

I am so, so sorry Mrs G! Your husband is a f*ing b**tard and does not deserve you!! Have you checked on your dd? Will she be worried that you haven’t come home? Can your friend let her know where you are

It is cruel that you have been gradually hoping he was actually telling the truth only for you to be confronted with the awful cruel truth!

You must have been living a tormented existence since you found that text! You have proof now, you can allow yourself to end your marriage. This is his fault and you deserve to live a life where you can trust your partner, where you are not constantly wondering if your husband is contacting prostitutes! You deserve to be loved, respected and cherished!

You are still young, you can make a new life for you and your kids.

Just concentrate on each step for now though, it sounds like you have a good friend!

Sommelierrrr · 30/06/2018 00:22

Thinking of you OP. You WILL get through this and live a life free of his lies and addictions. Please focus on taking care of yourself Flowers

Shumpalumpa · 30/06/2018 02:56

So sorry to hear this, OP. Hope he leaves tomorrow.

StrawberryLaces0 · 30/06/2018 05:45

Can't believe how predictable he was....you were right to keep tabs because he went and did it anyway!! Yes, you need to say marriage is over and he should leave. You gave a chance and he did it anyway so you have all the ammunition you need. He threw in 25 years and the family life, not you.
It's incredibly hard I know....but with support you will come through this. Doesn't feel like it now, but in a years time you'll look back and know you got through it 👊🏼 x

loveyoutothemoon · 30/06/2018 09:08

Sorry to hear this. Your main priority is getting back to your daughter and then you need to kick him out. Then over time you can decide if you want to forgive him. I wouldn't. Flowers

Original poster
MrsGaslighted · 30/06/2018 09:12

Thank you everyone. I am feeling angry now.
He sent me a long rambling email, which basically said he's glad I caught him. He can't believe he has done this to me. He has a sex addiction and wants to get help for that and the drinking. He needs my help and he knows we can get through it. And begged me not to give up on him.

I sent one back saying you can pack your bags and fuck off. You have until tomorrow evening to tell your side of the family, or I will. I don't want to hear from you again unless it concerns the kids or the house.

I'm not feeling as strong as my reply suggests. I know I need to start telling everyone to make it all real. Not looking forward to this at all.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 30/06/2018 09:15

I know you don’t feel strong but you’re doing brilliantly.

Hang on in there.

Flowers
loveyoutothemoon · 30/06/2018 09:17

Well done! It's really hard but you need to stick to your guns and him to allow you space. I think the sex addition comment is rubbish. He'll be gutted you found out.

stevesmithsmum · 30/06/2018 09:17

Well done OP. Sex addiction my arse! He can get off the terps and stay away from hookers on his own. You deseve better.

Sommelierrrr · 30/06/2018 09:19

Youre doing amazingly op. He needs to go, give you head space and let you recover from the shock. Then you can see what you think. Keep strong. Remember you didnt cause it, you can't change it and you cant control it. You are an amazing woman and we are ALL here for you xxx

Original poster
MrsGaslighted · 30/06/2018 09:24

I've just cried at those comments! Thank you so much x

OP posts:
SheSellSeaShells · 30/06/2018 09:32

what an utter cunty fuck he is. You are so much better - he's put you at so much risk too!! You will get through this Flowers

TatianaLarina · 30/06/2018 09:36

I am truly truly sorry OP. Having seen a woman go through this - my heart goes out to you - it It was horrendous.

I’m actually surprised that he was so stupid to go and visit her now, I thought he would lie low for a while.

Mywonderfulstar · 30/06/2018 09:38

Hi, in December 2016 I found condoms in his gym bag. He lied and denied for months until I discovered ( by rather devious methods) that he’d had multiple affairs and also been with prostitutes.
I was utterly heartbroken. Eventually, when I got my head together, I left him in 2017. I went through a terrible time, I can’t deny, but 18 months on I’m a lot happier

StrawberryLaces0 · 30/06/2018 09:38

Bless you. We are all here for you and yes telling people will make it real and then you will get the support you need from your friend and family.
Bollocks to the sex addiction. There are sadly plenty of married men out there who secretly cheat because they get away with it. He's been caught and trying to save himself. I'm sorry but he hasn't respected you. Stay strong. Don't crumble even though you feel it inside x

julesmumoftwins · 30/06/2018 09:41

What an idiot he is! Sex addiction??? He had a wonderful wife at home who he should have cherished and cared for then, maybe, his sex addiction (!!!) would have not manifested itself - I don’t believe a word of what he’s said 😡

Yes, get him to leave then take your time deciding what to do next.

It’s really ok to be on your own with your kids, in fact it’s quite liberating!!

Good luck and big hugs xx

Mywonderfulstar · 30/06/2018 09:43

Yes, indeed, bollocks to sex addiction, these men are just entitled cheats. Leave a Cheater again a life byChump Lady was my bible for months.

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