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Original poster

Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 01/06/2018 19:43

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil1 · 19/06/2018 11:59

Tom I agree, big no there.

Naynayba · 19/06/2018 12:31

aw i feel sad for the guy with the wife with the disease and his wife. must be such a sad situation, to not be able to provide your partners needs etc....not necessarily one id want to wade into the middle of, but yeah...

After 10yrs supporting my husband against my will Hmm I'd quite love a guy to pat me on the knee and say he'll provide for me even though i can pay my own way Blush Grin

Tbf to RYANTS he gave me a rest for like, 24hrs which was just what I needed and I was a bit glum when he got back in touch and he did such a good, sweet job of cheering me up :) However, he is def wayyy too far away for it to even be a consideration and although he said he was 'up for' kids i rather think he was only thinking of making me pregnant coz he lives with his parents and earns bugger all so I dunno how he imagines he'll pay for them if I give up work Hmm nevermind eh he's fun to chat to Grin

dogzdinner · 19/06/2018 12:47

Tom bimey that's a strange one! I wonder if it is even true, or just a variation of the lies told by married men wanting to have an affair?

I can't even get anyone to reply to my messages, never mind get a date.

I'd like to have someone who I just comfortably slot together with. I'm not bothered about fireworks, romance, exciting adventures. Desperately missing physical contact too, I don't just mean in a sexual way. I don't think it is good for mental wellbeing to go without it.

TomHardysBitontheside · 19/06/2018 13:09

dogz it's definitely true as we are friends on FB and I've done my research!!

I'd just love a companion, for want of a better word. I really miss the physical side of things, but I miss having someone to share things with. I have a great social circle, but it's not quite the same. I just want to find someone who can really bring out the best in me. I'm not sure I'll find that on OLD.

dogzdinner · 19/06/2018 13:38

Fair enough (and apologies for my typos, obviously that was meant to be 'blimey'!)

I don't even have a great social circle due to my marriage and divorce. It's not quite as difficult as OLD, but it's not easy to make new friends.

Ideally I would like to meet someone in real life, through a mutual interest or a friend of a friend, get to know them and then start dating - the old-fashioned way. OLD seems to be too much about playing games.

ThirdTimeUnlucky · 19/06/2018 13:48

I've been lurking a while. A question to dogz and Tom in particular but anyone else feel free - I get what you are saying about wanting a companion, missing physical contact, sharing stuff etc and wanting your own space, but do you think you'd ever want to live with someone again?
I thought that was what I wanted too and my two dates kinda fit into that scheme of things but I keep finding myself thinking longer term.
Both guys want exclusivity and I agreed but obviously I'm not being fair on either of them. I don't know how to decide on who or what I want!!! I've even written up a list of pro's and con's for both but the best I can come up with is to splice them.

TomHardysBitontheside · 19/06/2018 13:58

third right now, no, I don't think I could live with someone. That said, if or when I meet the right person, I suspect my opinion will change.

It sounds like you have a really difficult decision to make. Can't you just say no to exclusivity a little while longer to give you time to make a decision? Have you spent long periods of time with them? Maybe a weekend away? I always find that's a good indicator to see how you get on.

dogzdinner · 19/06/2018 14:01

Good question! I've been single for 2 years after a very long marriage and have 2 late teen DS who live with me. I can't imagine living with someone else with my DS, but maybe once they have left home.

But I would want exclusivity and I would only date 1 person at a time.

Vistaverde · 19/06/2018 14:24

Third Its a question I struggle with as well. It has just been me and my son for the four the last 5 years and I like it the way it is. I cannot imagine having a guy live with us. Maybe if I met the right person my views would change.

Once my son has left home though I think my views would change significantly. I could then imagine it getting a bit lonely by myself and a stronger desire for companionship.

I've just had a guy tell me on Tinder that my profile makes me sound normal. I think I will take that as a compliment.

LiteraryDevil1 · 19/06/2018 14:26

@ThirdTimeUnlucky I've been essentially on my own, bar a long distance, medium distance, and fwb relationships for over 5 years. I'm not sure I could live with anyone again. I like our family unit. And did you read my bit about pubes on the bathroom floor Confused I liked the medium distance best. Best of both worlds.

HalfDutchGirl · 19/06/2018 14:30

Dogz "I can't even get anyone to reply to my messages, never mind get a date" you and me both!!

Seems to me OLD just shifts and changes so much in the space of days, this time last week I had four on the go and life was good now I'm down to two who are keen and I'm not so much - big sigh!

Not sure I could live with anyone again, but until I meet 'the one' I can't answer for sure.

The World Cup is just slowing everything down - well that's what I'm blaming it on anyway!!

Kinunir · 19/06/2018 14:37

The World Cup is just slowing everything down - well that's what I'm blaming it on anyway!!

Same here - can't believe how many women are more into football than replying to my messages! Grin

MargoLovebutter · 19/06/2018 14:51

HalfDutch I find the same. There will be some weird surge in interest that I cannot account for & then it all dies away again.

My DC are nearly grown up and in two years it will most likely just be me rattling around at home for most of the time, so I can see myself living with someone else again. Although if they snore like the last one did, they may not live for very long!!!!! Grin

ValMc1 · 19/06/2018 15:14

I'm finding OLD much busier this week - and several messages from men first! I even had to check my profile to make sure I hadn't put I need a decent mooseburger on there after a few red wines! I've lowered my age limit as the men I've met around my age are just too old - the younger ones seem much more like me.

I have lived on my own now for 3 years, and would find it very hard to have someone move in with me - both my children have families of their own. My last relationship was perfect as far as seeing one another, he lived about 45 minutes away and came to me once or twice a week and I went to him on Saturdays. We also went away on holiday 4 or 5 times a year so it really was the best of both worlds. Just need to find someone like that who I actually get on with!!!

ThirdTimeUnlucky · 19/06/2018 16:10

Val - that sounds ideal. committed enough to go on holidays. I agree with Margo with the snoring being a deal breaker! I like cuddling up to someone in bed but wish I could kick them out after half an hour, lol. Literary, Vista, dogz, Tom and Dutch - think I need to be like you and slow things down in my mind. Am 50 and suppose I'm thinking about where I'll be in 10 yrs time - talk about over-thinking! Grin.
I've been seeing MrWow over 3 mths and then MrSolid re-appears from last yr. I agreed to see him when I was feeling really down about my Dad dying. Think I will just see how it goes with both. Maybe neither are right for me. Confused.

Lovemusic33 · 19/06/2018 16:26

It been busy for me today. Been stuck at home most the day so been online way too much. I now have too many irons on top of the ones I already had 😄 is it possible to have too many? How to you prioritise? I need some kind of spread sheet or chart.

Mr Mountain has just messaged me, thought he had vanished after our date on Sunday, wasn’t too bothered so didn’t message him when I got home.

Hopefully meeting Mr Rebound (2nd time) on Thursday night.

Going to a VW festival/meet thing at the weekend and meeting up with a few other singles but will have the dd’s With me.

New irons are...

Mr Forward, seems really sweet but I kind of got speeding to him as I felt sorry for him, not sure if I really want to meet him, he has just sent me his phone number. I don’t think he drives so probably a no go.

Mr Glasses, seems nice but has a young dd.

Mr VW, as the name suggests he’s into VW’s like me but he’s not very atractive, he seems friendly but not much else going for him.

There’s are several others but I haven’t had time to talk to them, my heads too muddled with the others and I know I haven’t got much spare time to meet these people.

dogzdinner · 19/06/2018 16:29

Third I'm close to 50 and try not to think too far ahead as I then manage to convince myself I'll never have another relationship.

I have only ever had 1 relationship (although a very long one) and he turned out to be a complete bastard. So I tend to feel that men just aren't attracted to me

HalfDutchGirl · 19/06/2018 16:32

Does anyone else find numbers 2 and 3 of the dating thread rules really hard to keep to?!!

Third - Im in my 50s and never in a million years think I'd be OLD - thought my 13 relationship that ended in September was forever (bastard cheating so and so!). It's all talk with me - I don't follow my own advice!!

Lovemusic - WOW - you need that spreadsheet!! How did you manage to suddenly get all of them lined up?!! Tell me your secret! Grin

Lovemusic33 · 19/06/2018 16:37

Half to be fair none of them are really doing it for me, my list we probably soon shrink. I think it’s just the fact I have just re joined POF after a break so people think I’m new 🤣🤣

Kinunir · 19/06/2018 16:37

Being much closer to 50 than 40 certainly worries me. I reckon I've got a couple of years more with the kids living here and then... what are the chances of meeting someone decent online really like?

Lovemusic33 · 19/06/2018 16:38

And yes, rules 2 and 3 are the hardest, I think it’s hard to grow a thick skin, I have been ghoasted, lovebombed, stood up and used and I still haven’t got a thick skin.

MargoLovebutter · 19/06/2018 16:45

Noooooooooooooooo, being closer to 50 is ace!!!!!!! It has to be, because I'm nearly there too.

I really want to try and do more stuff where I meet people in real life though. I'm thinking about learning to play golf, but I'm not really sure how to start & I work full time, so I don't know if that will work. I'm trying to think of evening classes that interest me. The DC don't need me at home in the evenings like they used to, so I have the freedom BUT I don't know what the hell to do, that isn't bloody pilates!!!!!!

Kinunir · 19/06/2018 16:49

I know how you feel there Margo - golf is an old passion of mine but it's a bit niche so who to play with? Evening classes are interesting but I'm not going to meet anyone there as not many women are into tech or ancient history.

Damn my friends for all moving to Yorkshire last year! Sad

Milomonster · 19/06/2018 17:19

Hi everyone can I jump on? I’ve recently started to navigate the world of OLD following a 15 year marriage which ended recently. Got chatting to a guy recently who seemed really lovely - we were messaging for hours. He invited me to a nice event in 4 weeks time. But he’s gone quiet since Saturday - chances are he’s changed his mind right? Trying not to feel gutted. He has sole custody of two young kids and works from home and so his life is quite full on. This is all very very new to me....

ValMc1 · 19/06/2018 17:23

The 50s are great - no childcare responsibilities, financially secure and knowing who you are and not giving a damn what anybody else thinks about you - secure in yourself - yes OLD dating can work - I've had 2 LT relationships from it and my daughter met her husband on line - she always had a fair few admirers but no-one who took her fancy so tried it and it worked. I've always been positive about it but am starting to wonder if my time has passed - I'll soon be 61! I've yet to chat with any 60 year old who has any spark really - just got a match on Bumble - his age - 60 but his profile says he's not really - very fit - dare I?