Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Literary I have had the opposite, two first dates where men say something along the lines of being financially secure and will pay anything I need, as they want to "look after me". Last time this was said as he was patting my knee and my back hurt from leaning away. It's like prostitution dressed-up as dating. I ran quickly on both those dates. I'm not rich, but I can pay my own bills and wouldn't like to owe anyone favours!

Ive had the "I want to take care of you and will help you" blokes too. They don't like that I can look after myself!

Kin that's a good point of saying about potential dates being solvent on a profile. My profiles always say something along the lines of "I enjoy my work" and no comments on need a 'shining knight' as a way to say I'm solvent, but I could say it more clearly no sugar daddies please

It's a tricky subject to broach Choc as many men (of my age and older I guess) were brought up at a time when they were expected to be the sole provider and some haven't 'evolved' out of that mindset.

I must admit that as a man I have been guilty of being 'too generous' in the past, albeit without an agenda behind that.

Nowadays, however, I find many women are far more interested in my finances than me which I find sad. I know it's only the subset I've interacted with and not all women of course, but still feel the need to make it clear that I'm not just a walking wallet.

I suspect many women have experienced the opposite as well.

Are any of the sites better than others? There's nothing remotely decent on POF I think you've all summarised the 'talent' out there perfectly. I'm 30 if it makes any difference (oh and definitely financially solvent )

Yes I have tried many sites, I think it depends where you live, I find POF and Tinder have the most traffic, I am rural so it’s hard to find anyone near by, sites such as match and eharmony just don’t have anyone near by for me and they cost money. I like Tinder but haven’t re installed it yet as I’m scared I will come across Mr Tinder (who I split with last week) 🤣

Don't swipe on him when he comes up Love and remember that you are young, free and single and how you live your life is none of his business.

I'm not in a massive city so when I looked briefly on paid sites there didn't seem to be anybody near enough to me to make it workable. I'm also paranoid that someone from work (public not colleagues) would find me on tinder

yes I am a couple years younger than you and I have only used Tinder! As long as you know what you are looking for and can spot red flags its good! I have been dating a guy I met on Tinder for almost 6 months. I am still lurking here as the support is still great!

YesYABU, you may find things are better once the World Cup is over. There has been a definite downturn in activity on the two sites I'm using at the moment since that started.

So there's a man here fitting a smart metre today. He's seems nice. Obviously doesn't live local. Thought I would see if he's on POF by looking at the 'people near by' bit on the app. What's the chances of him actually being single and being on POF? He's on there, pretty sure it's him, I'm in a area where you don't see many ethnic/mixed race so I'm 99% sure it's him. He lives in my nearest city which is a hour away. Would you say anything to him? He's obviously going to see that I looked at his profile 😐

Oh, dilema Love, you see, I'd like to think I'd be able to pull off a light-hearted, slightly jokey comment about online dating that would make me look relaxed and chilled about it all and we'd have a bit a laugh & if there was mutual attraction it might lead to a date and if there wasn't, we'd just have an enjoyable interaction & it would all be fine and he'd get in his van & toddle off.

However, in real life, I'd probably spill coffee on him and get flustered and say something so cringeworthy, I'd want the new smart metre to burst into flames & take me with it!!!!

Being a bit of a geek I'd probably go with a light-hearted comment about smart metres and privacy and say 'how embarrassing it would be if the metre knew you'd just checked him out on POF'.

And then wink.

Kin I like your style.
He’s spent most of his time on his phone talking since he’s been here, he doesn’t seem very chatty or fun so I think I will leave it 🤣🤣 maybe when he stops for a break he might spot that I have checked him out in POF.

Margo the sites are so quiet! I went back to OKC yesterday, sent loads of messages and only a handful of replies.

I was telling my friend about Mr Doctor, and she said he friend is a Dr and said most male doctors are players. So that actually made me feel much better.

I was talking to someone a few weeks ago and ended it as he has a complex home life. We got on well though and we're now friends on SM. Part of me is thinking maybe I should just meet him to see how it goes. He actually seems normal and we've got loads in common. The home life but put me off, but maybe I need to be a bit more broad minded?

TomHardysBit what was it that was so complex about the other guy's home life that put you off?

I think my home life would put people off too but having been with someone who had a 50/50 arrangement with his ex then I wouldn't want anyone who was that involved with their ex again. Not if it causes them stress. If it works well then maybe...

so Ive been invited out to coffee with someone I have been chatting to for a little while. Im going to go as its only coffee, see what happens...

MrNorway has been in contact but not arranged any further dates which Im a little perturbed about. Its so hard not to contact him, but I sent a text this morning - as usual - and had no reply, so Im not messaging him again. He needs to work a bit harder before he gets anything else from me.

Not going to lie, its not easy. I like him but I need to remember the rules!

I stay away from anyone with a complicated home life, like literary I can’t be doing with someone who’s still really involved with their ex, one guy I was talking to a while ago would go round his ex’s a couple times a week to cook her and their adult kids dinner which just seemed odd. Would rather date someone who has a simple life

@Lovemusic33 that's someone who is still emotionally married and not normal at all!

love and margo His partner has a degenerative condition. He lives at home with her and their child. They can't be intimate at all and have agreed he can have a relationship with someone else. Personally I thought he was being very unfair on her and should just go. She deserves better. But I realise not everyone's lives are black and white. None of it sat well with me at all, but despite that he's really easy to get on with.

I think I'm maybe on the rebound from two bad dates last week. He is genuinely nice and friendly. I can see from his SM posts he's pretty much living a single life. But I think it's maybe just too complex for me.

Tom I would keep away however tempting it may be, I think you would end up getting hurt.

Yes, that would be too much for me to handle too Tom.

Oh god Tom no no no! That's a whole world of potential hassle and complication there. He's already in a relationship so he's really just looking for sex as he can't get that at home isn't he? How would any other 'relationship' actually go anywhere long-term if he'll be living with/caring for his partner for the rest of their lives? If that is even actually the case. And there's a child involved... Not one single bit of that scenario would sit right with me at all.

vet, margo and love thanks so much for the sense check! Everything you have said is what I'd been thinking before and why I turned him down. I knew it couldn't go anywhere.

I realise I'm just despondent after two crappy dates, and he was nice. But it's not enough and I deserve so much better.