Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Thankyou all for confirming my thoughts (you're all helpful!). He asked if I was free to meet 'in a few weeks' which left me a bit

lostlily 7 weeks sounds a bit soon to me

Hmm that's what I'm thinking .....
I do really like him, I have said that I think he is a bit infatuated and should slow down. He just said ' I know how it must look like that but only I know how I feel and it's okay for you to not say it back if it's not how you feel'
I'm just going to go with the flow because he is way too nice to get rid of.... But my love bombing radar is on big time

I used to fall in love pretty quickly. I think 7 weeks is fine especially if you are seeing each other as often as you are. Love just gets deeper over time but has to start somewhere. I've read that men do fall in love faster than women. Just take your time and see how things develop but if there's other things making you wary then have a good look at things and listen to your gut.

literary
I have no alarm bells apart from how quickly it's all happened.
I have no reason to mistrust him, he lives nearby and I have stayed over at his place several times, I have his iPad password because I've been looking at my emails and properties to buy on it.... He leaves his key for me to go in after work if I get to his before him.
He has been very open and lovely and I can see that I could easily fall in love with him.... I'm just a bit bitter and sceptical from my past 🤔

Lostlily What's your gut feeling about him? Generally I think that lets us know if there is something off.

I've read that men do fall in love lust faster than women.

I've corrected that for you Literary

Oh my goodness, so much going on, so many posts!

I'm making painfully slow progress at the moment. I have a few chats ongoing but trying to move them to an actual real life date is so slow!!!!

Lostlily I recently finished my relationship with a man who told me he was falling in love with me after 3 dates & he love bombed the hell out of me, so I wouldn't notice his dysfunctionality. I should have picked up on it sooner as it turned out to be one of many red flags. Sigh! I console myself with the fact it only took me 4 months as opposed to 7 years in the last relationship and 11 in the one before that.

FWIW, I don't see how you can possibly truly love someone after a few dates or instantly. I think that the people who tell you they fell in love instantly or very quickly, just got really lucky, as you CANNOT know someone properly to determine if they are worthy of your love after a few dates.

Lost illy at the end of the days it's semantics for me.

I can feel very strongly and in love with someone quickly. I have very high emotional intelligence and score highly on empath tests. But this does not mean I love them. For me love is long term, dependendant and catastrophic if it ends. Being in love is defo love but different. Lighter. More energy. Torture. But you know that if it ended you would be ok in a relatively short amount of time.

Kin I think your right. More often it’s lust rather than love. Mr Tinder said he was falling in love with me, it was bullshit, he just liked the idea of being in a relationship with someone who would normally be out of his league (not being big headed). I think it’s hard to fall in love so quick with someone your barely know, we find out things about each other months, even years after meeting. It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of lust and mistake it for love.

Lost go with your gut, if it was me I would be wary about anyone having access to my email and passwords even if I had been with them for a year. But don’t take relationship advice from me as obviously I’m not having much luck with it all 🤣 Just be extra careful xx

thank you for the advicd everyone, i messaged him and he replied being really lovely, and still wants to meet up/be friends but said its also fine if i dont want to is he desperate? or lovely? hes very good looking and outgoing, so i dont see him lacking in female attention. hmm.

lostlily with my ex i sort of knew after a few weeks that i could love him, in time. we didnt actually say it till 5 months in, and stayed together 5 years.

i think telling someone after a few weeks/months though is maybe a bit full on though. i wouldnt want to hear that from someone so soon! margo after 3 dates that would send me running!

some people do feel things more strongly than others, i do. its hard not to get swept up in it. i dont think 7 weeks is too short a time though! how many times have you met up in that timeframe?

I think we are all different when it comes to love and other feelings, as already evidenced in this thread, and that's great because us humans are interesting because we are not all the same.

There is no textbook answer to how long it should take to fall in love but if any red flags are going to be waved, it's if those feelings surface too quickly or too late for the recipient.

As ever, trust your gut and be aware of lovebombing and non-commitment, as appropriate, remembering also that these scenarios are not unique to either sex.

I think 'love' can easily be 'said', but not so easily shown. I would take any declarations of love early on with a pinch of salt, and judge instead on whether they prioritised me, remembered me, looked after me if i was ill and all the other signs that show they love you (whatever they may be for them/you).

STBExDH reckoned he fell in love with me on sight. He didn't say it though, he waited for me to say it first 3mo later after many dates, a holiday together and near constant contact! I didn't like him at first when we met but came round quickly after getting to know him and him showing me how deeply he cared. Although after 9yrs our marriage bombed there was still a heck of a lot of love there if you ask me so I do still see it as a legit example .

Well thank you all for your replies 👍
I think we must have had roughly 6 or 7 dates before anything physical happened and altogether I've seen him 3 or 4 times a week for the last 7 weeks although we were chatting on and off for two months before that ( he went away with work) and I went away for two weeks holiday.
We met once before I went and started dating when I got back.
I have absolutely no red flags outside of this 'being swept off my feet' business

that sounds fairly normal to me any indication of how he feels?

But what does love actually mean? There are lots of different types of love - the love you feel for your parents, siblings, children and friends is different to the love you feel for your partner I think. I know the love I have felt for my partners have been different from one another depending on what stage of my life I have been at, and what stage they are at. To me, love means that they fulfill most of what I am looking for in a relationship, and I fulfill most of what they are looking for. At this stage of my life, I am looking for very different things to what I was looking for when I was looking to start a family, for instance. I have loved all of my significant others very much, and would have done anything for them except put up with crap!!!!

I think love is 2 minutes of squelching noises in the back of a car, right?

Oooooooh, good question Val.

For me love means that I am better with the person than without them and the same for them with me. We bring out the best in each other and can deal with the less good bits. It means being there for someone else and that they are there for you, not just the good bits but the shit bits that really apply pressure.

However, I will caveat all of that by saying I have remarkably little experience of love with anyone other than my own children, so I'm probably not best placed to comment! Not that I've let that stop me of course!!!!!

Kin That long? lol

I've always believed in setting myself challenging targets Val

Kin surely it takes longer than that to clean kid barf out of the back of the car?! [wink[

I thought the dampness on my back seat was something else Margo... think I need a full valet

I love my car - it gets me from A to B and gives me no trouble but I love red wine more - it gets me into trouble and makes my legs useless!!! There are so many aspects to this love word!!!

Kin don't lower the tone of this thread now you are back - you will be on the naughty step! again!

It's always my fault isn't it?! This is worse than being in a relationship!

In all seriousness now, I thought Margo's answer was good - love for a partner should be about enhancing someone else life and having your own enhanced by them. And dealing with the bad stuff together.