Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@VetOnCall What's wrong with his back? Mine is in chronic spasm but I refuse to let it stop me doing anything. I take some decent analgesia and crack on. No choice really in my day to day stuff but maybe he's really restricted by it?

Yeah it's definitely limited (limiting!) dates, both in terms of length and options of things to do. It's unfortunate timing for sure. He's mentioned a few future things but I dunno... I'm not really getting much passion if you know what I mean, and I don't know if that's because he's feeling a bit shit in general or if it's just not going to happen. I know how I'd feel if it was me with the same problem so can give the benefit of the doubt for the time being. He's not bullshitting me or being disingenuous, I'm pretty clear-headed about it all so can give it a bit more time.

Literary he had a really severe attack of sciatica - so strictly speaking it's not his back but easier to say that than he's got a sore arse It came on a couple of weeks after we first met in February/March. He has a very high-flying and stressful job and had to take 5 weeks off which was really stressful, and he ended up in hospital for a couple of days last month. He's definitely getting better, he's on all sorts of drugs and doing physio etc. - but it's slow. He hasn't had it before so doesn't know where it came from - obviously he's also worried that it'll keep coming back.

Vet I think if he says meaningful things and kisses passionately I could wait, as like you say there is a genuine reason. If conversation feels a bit flat, I would personally be put off.

Mr Cute, who I dated for a month, kept telling me that he was sorry he didn't put enough effort in, that he could be better if only x and y weren't happening, but after talking kept being 'meh' in general. He's probably promising the same effort to someone else now and not delivering

Choc yeah the conversation is great, he really is lovely and we get on really well, so will see how it goes!

Wow loas of updates tonight. I'm on my broken screen phone so can try type much.

Just got back from 5 hour date with let's call him mr surprise. Ive been talking to him for a while. Another surfer. Might've mentioned him before but I said I already like his face but wasn't sure if id fancy him. Nice date including sushi so always a winner for me. Mild chemistry, almost wanted him to kiss me but he's a bit shy. Chatty, funny and well a bit of a suprise. I like him but I usually need strong chemistry to be excited about it. He's cool though.

Vet exciting, he sounds like keeper!

Pudding Mr Surprise sounds nice, without first date nerves I bet next time things will get more interesting.

i’ve been lurking and reading everyday but havent felt up to posting, but im feeling a bit more positive tonight

vet i feel for MrDM, both my exes had herniated discs/sciatica and it really does ruin day-to-day life. i will say (selfishly) that it started to get on my nerves, the constant complaining - but that was probably because they werent actively doing anything about it (eg physio, ortho)

i need some advice guys ive just been doing my own thing and not even talking to any guys romantically for the past two months. however one guy has been on my mind quite alot. we met on tinder and he was lovely, loads in common and cute, but i ghosted him we’d never met so i thought it was ok at the time, but im feeling reeeeally bad now, i want to message and apologize, is that a bad idea? i had alot going on and a talking to a stranger seemed like a huge effort. i dont even think hes in the same country as me anymore, but i feel i owe him an explanation

No message, darn :( Could be any explanation but I find it hard to believe someone could be sooooo busy they can't drop a really quick note? Must be losing interest. I was actively trying not to bombard/pester and get that first real meeting in first this time, damn our busy schedules!!

I'll leave it til later in the week if I don't hear and check whether we're still on for the meet n greet at the weekend! If he's still up for that interest may be rekindled upon actually meeting me! if not, I can take the rejection better knowing its from a real meet rather than just messages lol

esk - as this guy wasnt like, some abusive ex, I cant see the harm in trying, whats the worst that can happen? he swears at you, rants at you, or ignores you. If you feel you can cope with this, then fine.

literary My advice is definitely listen to your gut before a date. Neither of mine went well this week and yet I'd had doubts about both of them. I now wish I'd not bothered with either. I'm feeling very battered and bruised this morning. Even if you know it was never going to work it's still a crush to your self esteem, especially when they've been so charming. So that's charmers off my list!!

esk I'd say just send him a message to say hello. What have you got to lose?

naynay sorry you didn't get any messages. Their loss.

pudding your date sounds very promising!

vet are you going to stick with Mr DM though? If you get on so well, he might be worth waiting for.

As others have said esk, you have nothing to lose in messaging him but be prepared - if someone had ghosted me I wouldn't give them the time of day after that.

Anyone who uses matching type sites/apps - is it normal to match with someone and for them to then ignore your messages? I've only been on it for a few days, so they must be actively using the app.

It's totally normal dogz - people have all sorts of motivations for using those apps and not all are looking to chat or meet. Some may be busy, others may be chatting to other people and can't or won't juggle multiple conversations at the same time (but will keep on swiping).

But stick with it; a few days is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I'm intrigued - why would you go on the app if you're not going to chat/meet?

I've now run out of people to swipe!

Boredom, loneliness, ego boost, stalking... I'm sure others can add to that list!

So.... The big question!
So in an ideal world, you meet someone amazing on OLD or maybe even in RL (shock horror)
How long is long enough to feel 'love' for someone?

What is too soon/ red flag .... For someone to say they are in love with you ??

Morning all, long term lurker but have a couple of (probably obvious) questions if you don't mind
I signed up briefly to a site, decided it perhaps wasn't for me, but have kept in contact with one person. It's been over 6 weeks of lengthy emails, moving onto very brief texts only in the last few days. We've not met. I'm being ridiculous aren't I?
From reading your descriptions of dates, how do you know you're not meeting up with a previous date of someone else? Or is this the point? That what's not for you may be suited for someone else?
I think the reason I didn't think I liked OLD was it seems a bit strange to me to serially date different people, or trial different people. Is this a case of needing to be thicker skinned and more realistic on my part?

yesYABU
It's can feel like serial dating but you only meet up with people that you get along with via a chat, I do also believe in sooner the better because you can get on with someone via messages but in real life not connect at all.... Or they do not look anything like their photos quite often...

Regards the one you have been chatting to..... If you haven't set a date up after 6 weeks I'd say hint/ask for a meet up or move on

@esk1mo nothing wrong with contacting him if you feel awful to apologise but I wouldn't want to date him if he seemed eager to get back in touch. To me that would show he's a bit desperate if he's ok with someone who ghosted him. I'd read it as him having low self esteem.

@YesYABU that's a long time to be chatting without going on a date. I'd have thought he'd be going on dates with others in that time. No one is on OLD for a pen pal. Have you asked him to meet up? Although it sounds like he's losing interest if the texts are quite short now

YesYABU - From my very limited experience, I would say meet him asap or stop contact. People can come across very differently online than in real life and it can be very disappointing!

lostlily - I know people who met their future DHs and they were in love within a couple of weeks. However, if someone is saying they love you that quickly and you don't feel the same, then maybe they just fall in love very easily.

Good morning all, I am rejoining the thread. I think I need you guys to help keep my sanity.

For those of you who remember Mr SA. Well, I had a fun 6 weeks with him before he ghosted me. In hindsight the signs were there that he was a bit of a player but hey ho you live and learn and it's a mistake I intend not to make again.

Having recently had 3 mediocre first dates I had what I thought was a great first date on Saturday with both of us making it clear that we wanted to see the other one again. As he asked me to keep in touch I messaged him yesterday to thank him and haven't heard further from him. It frustrates with me with online dating as to how rude people can be. A polite thanks but no thanks shouldn't be too much to expect.

Onwards and upwards this morning.

Lost I have had several men tell me they love me after a few dates, this now rings huge alarm bells with me as these men turned out to be love bombers and weirdos (and one abusive). For me I wouldn’t want to hear someone tell me they love me for at least a few months.

dogzdinner
Hmm.... I am feeling a lot for him, he is perfect in many ways and I can't get enough of him, BUT isn't that just that initial buzz and honeymoon thing?? We are in our 40's so surely we should be able to tell the difference by now lol
It's been just 7 weeks..... But we see each other quite a lot. Not every day but say two days in a row and then not for a couple of days. He says he is 'smitten' and is in love with me 🤔