Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Wheely your nanna was right. We all have weaknesses and better to share and be vulnerable than judge others!

One of my biggest weaknesses is that I think I'm able to be patient and that will "fix" men with issues. In reality I just get stuck in dead-end relationships for longer than I should do. I have dated men with addictions, OCD issues, smokers...I will not wait for change, next time it will be a no from the start.

I need to find out more about Mr Blue. He seems kind, but really physically shy it could get frustrating as I like kissing early on

oooh, missed the handbags at dawn moment! :)
Hope everyone is enjoying the lovely sunshine.
Vet I'm so pleased MrDM seems to be working out well, you could be the success story of the thread.
Val fingers crossed yours goes well too, nice that you have a vague connection beforehand (was the brother a nice person? Hopefully that's an indication he is too?)
I'm still in a shall we shan't we odd relationship with Mr Local, I don't know if it will work long term but its working now so I'm not overthinking it.
Missing Covers sarky comments :)

Does anyone chat to matches who contact you first out of politeness even if you're thinking "no way" for whatever reason that might be? Or are you quite ruthless? Thanks but no thanks message or just ignore?

I'm nice so I usually send a thanks but no thanks unless they REALLY havent made any effort whatsoever.

exciting news! no contact with youngshy for a few days as we have arranged our non-date meeting and I didnt see the point in pestering until then, i was wondering if he was perhaps just not that bothered and getting doubt but he's messaged me off his own bat tonight so obvs still keen :)

I'm nice too so do usually reply. Not keen on the pre-written questions eHarmony give you. If I contact first with a message then it's a personal one composed by me that comments and asks about aspects of their profile. Today I had a message (after a smile) that just went straight in with "just come back from you should definitely go, it's an experience of a lifetime." I was a bit but at least he's read my profile and that bit is right near the end I think. Unfortunately he's not attractive to me as has big jowls, looks about 4 stone overweight and lists his main passion as his career. Lives too far away too. He's made an effort though so I feel obliged to chat a little.

@LiteraryDevil1 Usually if I think no from their bio then no I don't bother with the chat. I'm not all about looks but there are things such as the way they may write - I'm not wanting someone who says something like 'hey babe, wow you luk well sexy in ur picz' - I know that type of guy is not for me.

Ignoring his brother is/was small, fat and gay -- really nice neighbour to have. I've no idea how tall mr no name - that is the only thing that is bothering me - I'm not into men shorter than me but haven't asked as I'm looking foreword to meeting him - his texting has been miles ahead of all the others I've had so far .

I did see the spat this morning - very unusual for this thread as people seem genuinely supportive of each other - no-one has all the answers to this strange planet of OLD - otherwise we wouldn't be here .

Meow yes I think you can tell a lot from how and what they write. It boils down to that quality we both love: effort

Case in point is MrJowls. He has asked sweet FA about me. He's told me I should go somewhere (somewhere that's on my bucket list), told me again I should go, told me I won't regret it, stayed a few things about his trip there (all one liners) and then answered about what he does. I had to ask to get him off the subject of my bucket list destination! Zzzzzz

I'm not that nice! I don't reply to 99% of messages that I get on POF. Even prior to meeting Mr DiamondMine it was the same. I've only ever replied if I think they might be a prospective date, and that's really not many at all. I usually get at least a couple of messages every day on POF and I just don't have the time or inclination to engage with all of them. A significant proportion of them blatantly haven't read my profile anyway and the messages are of the 'Hi gorgeous how ru?' variety. I had one the other day from a bloke with a profile photo of him holding a baby and the headline 'nothing to loose'. The message said (verbatim) 'Alright your up late, must of met a decent fella hows you' ... Where would I even begin with that?! I have a line in my profile saying that if you don't know the difference between your and you're then we're not meant to be... and that also goes for loose/lose and of/have

I reply to more messages on Tinder and would obviously send the first message on Bumble if they seemed like a good prospect, but it's different when you've already matched with someone.

Maybe I should add something about grammar....
MrJowls is boring. Can't hold a conversation, all just one liners stating things.

Like @VetOnCall I don't rely to 99% of messages either and for the same reasons. I've been OLD for years and have only ever been on one date from there. Surprisingly had more success from Tinder and Bumble but then that's probably because I've already 'selected' them too.

Butterflies that's because you're doing it all wrong but seriously I'm on eharmony and rarely get any messages. Some sites obviously have far more members. Think it depends where you live too.

I've been lurking for a while.

I'm impressed you all manage to have a reasonable amount of matches.
I am somewhat struggling to even find people.

A guy from real life I know has just lost his last chance with me so that's my only prospective date out the window.

I've had two first dates since September last year and I'm reluctant to pay for some of the sites. But I am getting to the point where I am seriously lonely.

I'm also starting to need that human contact but am concerned that anything casual could leave me feeling worse so am still avoiding that. Not sure for how much longer as I seem to attract a lot of men on after sex.

I only respond to messages from men I’m interested in seeing if there’s anything there. I used to respond if they’d done a particularly thoughtful message, even if I wasn’t interested but now I don’t even do that. I don’t have the time and it starts a conversation that I’m not really interested in having.

Hi Pinkpixie I got some great advice way back on one of this threads predecessors about writing a good profile and that made a big difference for me. It may not be that but it’s worth a thought. What sites are you on?

How soon is too soon to be out of a relationship? New guy I’m talking to said he’s been single since Feb. To me that’s a bit too soon for him to want anything substantial - although I’m not sure if that was a long term thing or a short fling. Also saying that I’ve technically not been single that long but what I had wasn’t even official (although I guess I wanted it to be.)
I’ll try and be detective.

I don’t respond to 100% of messages on POF 😂 I have never found such a creepy site in my life! Tinder and Bumble are the way to go!

Meow we've both been single for a similar amount of time so if we are ready then they can be too. It depends why the relationship broke down and what they've learnt from that I suppose. Some people just bounce from one relationship to another without learning anything from their experiences. Those are the ones to avoid but difficult to sniff them out without interrogating them. Your radar is good though so I'm sure you'll know soon enough if they are ready to date.

Hi everyone, feeling a bit deflated!
Found a guy on the dreaded tinder and he actually seemed normal, nice and chatty. Conversation flowed easily. He didn't reply for quite a few days so I unmatched him.
He found me on Facebook and we started talking again. He has a daughter who he sees alot and seems like a nice family type guy. We text throughout the day. Turns out I kind of know his sister too.
Anyway I suggested we meet up when we are free and his reply was yea sounds good. I then said you'll have to let me know when you're free. His reply was in sure we can sort something. Being really vague. Now he's ignored my text. I just feel like why go through all the effort of finding me on Facebook to not make an effort to meet up. He seems really keen and not so much now.
What should I do? Should I just not mention meeting up again?

He's a fucktard. He's shown you twice now that he's flaky and vague and can't be arsed. Move on

devil haha! Yes! I just don't get why you'd put in effort to find me on social media. He only knew my first name. His excuse for taking so long was his phone weren't working and he never saw my last message

meow I think it depends on the relationship. If he's only just separated from his wife of 16 years in February, then yes, definitely too soon. If he's out of his last relationship of under a year, then that's probably going to be ok. As Literary says, it will also depend on why the relationship broke up too.

berries have a look at the rules at the top of the thread. They cover pretty much everything you've mentioned! None of it is real until it actually happens in real life! If he is flakey online, then that doesn't bode well for real life - in my opinion anyway.

I think the 'how long beeen single' thing depends on the previous relationship. If it was a long marriage with kids, then Feb is too soon. It was just a few months and not even living together, then it's fine.

I installed bumble, but don't raelly understand it! I've swiped right on a few people, do I need to wait and see if they do the same for me and then I can message them? Do I need to pay to be able to do that?

Hi to the newcomers!

MrJowls has been single just over a year. His wife left him for someone else. He's just told me that and I'm guessing that's still quite raw from the fact he told me about his wife rather than just saying how long he'd been single.

Oh dear god I'm laughing now! He's just told me in addition to his wife leaving him for someone else that he was married for 20 years, had 5 kids, yeah it hurt a lot but he was over it now! Yeah right!!

Thanks guys, yes that's the thing he has 2 kids so I'm wondering if he's newly out of a marriage or something. I'll have to investigate.

So the guy I'm meant to be going on a date with Saturday is soooooo OTT. He's suggested about 10 different dates to do in one day - mini golf, cinema, lunch, a waffle house, a museum, now he has just messaged to say would I like to go to a gig in the evening! Argh he is TOO much. He's been really consistent with messaging (maybe even too much) and I'm just wondering if I should sack it off altogether. The main reason is when I suggest something he then doesn't even seem to be taking my point across and starts wanting to do something else. I never normally do food/cinema on a first date either and he wants to do both of them. Hmmm.