Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Noooooo!!!!! Enough!!! Do nothing please don't text him. You are a confident woman with options.

If he doesn't reply to your text - deflating.

Wait it out for now.

I'd wait it out. If he doesnt text, you have your answer and maintain dignity. My guess is he has a LTR of some kind and has scuttled back to that hole and in a few days/weeks you'll get a text out of the blue saying 'hey babe' like nothing ever happened

I most certainly won't be messaging him. He can f right off I think I just got a bit of a shock because he was still messaging me last night...Anyway. moving on swiftly... the messages I can deal with (or lack of) it was the unmatching that shocked me. Thanks ladies, I knew I would get some good advice here.

I've a feeling some men unmatch on tinder after meeting is you can't tell if they are still using app when their location changes.

Anyone else get great satisfaction (tinged with disappointment) at blocking/unmatching/whatever your site calls it when you decide your match is a twat because they are sat there active on the site and haven't replied to your message even though they were the ones to initiate chatting? I do. I've got one now. The one who smiled at me on Friday, I smiled back then nothing. Sent him some "site" questions on Sunday I think it was and he replied to all but one immediately but then didn't reply to my hi message sent at the same time. Nothing since yet online. Makes me think they have lots of matches on the go and I can't be arsed.

Ive been away all weekend and have had loads to catch up on! Sounds like a mixed bag of things and a few newbies on here, which is fab.

I've got all sorts going on right now!

Mr Doctor appears to be genuine. I cooled off a bit at the end of last week and he noticed and upped his game. Date set for the weekend and last night he called me and we chatted for a while which was lovely.

Mr American - we didn't do coffee last week in the end but message every day. We get on really well, and might meet for a drink later. I'm going out near his so he might pop in. He's a bit of party animal though, which I'm not. That bothers me.

Mr Academic got in touch again (his weekly breadcrumbing!) and wants to see me. Not too bothered about him now, but I did reply.

Mr Grunge - he's new, only chatting a couple of days but loads in common.

Mr Scandi - numbers exchanged and trying to arrange coffee, but not easy as he has his kids every weekend.

Out of interest, how does anyone deal with multiple dating? I wouldn't tell any of them I'm seeing others, but I don't know how I'll fit them all in!! I'm just trying to keep my options open a bit.

Literary I think texting too long on sites can get confusing. I give my number out early to the few I chat to, then judge effort on Whats App as you can see online time more easily and can block if you change your mind.

Tom if you aren't intimate and exclusive imagine they are seeing multiples too. Unless they are clearly giving you a high level of contact and talk about the long term, which could also be a lie as could be love bombing...it's so complicated!!

I'm trying your way Xiola of not initiating contact, but be very enthusiastic when Mr Blue contacts me. It's making him very interested. Not convinced with his recent messages though that he is interested in me, or just the idea of a GF. He is either very soppy or getting slightly carried away. I'll see on date later, but I'm a practical person, not used to soppy men and can't act girlie

Literary it is frustrating when you can see them online but they don't reply, especially mid-conversation. I have this at the moment, but I can see the guy is active on Facebook - but not replying to my text. I know there could be a load of reasons why he is active on FB but still annoys me.

Chocmalllows - I always worry about giving out number too soon.

Xiola - You talk so much sense, I've been nodding at all your posts and need to approach in the same way!

So after losing the manchild boyfriend, I've had a tentative look on the apps. So far, I've been asked if I'm a big girl as I don't have any full length pics. Nor does the man who asked the question!

I've had a Doctor who is so amazed by my profile, he had to read it several times and then recover - facepalm, catfish alert!

Someone I dated last year saw me on there and has messaged - he seems to have conveniently sent me photos of his scars from self harm - totally glossed over like it never happened.

Maybe I need a proper long break or some different options like speed dating?!

Conveniently forgotten he'd sent me those pics - that meant to say

Good to hear some positive stories - TomHardysBit. I'm actually enjoying OLD at the moment. I've re-positioned it in my mind, as an activity to do when I have down time, rather than a full on quest for my future soul mate!

I have a few decent chats ongoing:

Mr TV - 10 years older but quite funny & good chats
Mr Engineer - seems nice but possibly a bit dull for me
Mr IT - I'm the least sure about him
Mr Eire - could be hot stuff, may live too far away

Mr Eire is keen to chat, so I'm bracing myself for phoning him, trying to overcome my lack of enthusiasm for telephone chats. If Xiola is around I'd be up for hearing what your key questions are for your chats?

Just reporting in incase anyone is interested in my ghosting experience yesterday. Got a message late last night saying he had crashed out. Assume this was to acknowledge that he hasn't been in touch. I didn't answer. He has been active online today but no messages to me. My gut says he's a wanker....the night before, he was sending me pictures of his family! Obviously not right in the head.

Enough101, our guts are rarely wrong. If you are not comfortable with his messages and how he is behaving towards you online or in real life, then move on.

Ugh enough! Bin him off! Guys are usually right.

Oh Yes, he is binned off......He just doesn't know that! I need to toughen up. So new to it all, I am sure this won't be the last time this happens.

Enough101, read the rules at the top of the thread. Read them every time you post on this thread until you know them off by heart only partially joking they are invaluable.

Margo that is exactly my approach! I'm seeing it as fun and an activity. I'm not bothered if I hear from them or not. That's why I'm finding it easy to chat to a few. They're all quite different, which is good for me. Then I can see who stands out. If they're talking to/seeing others, that's fine with me. Mr American seems the keenest so far. And we're on for drinks later.

Tom Since uploading Tinder at the weekend I've managed to get incredibly confused with all of the messages! My friend suggested I start a spreadsheet!

Last night was insane I ended up messaging three at the same time on Whattsapp - terrified I'd end up sending the wrong thing to the wrong guy as, like others have said, they can see I'm on line and would wonder why I wasn't replying (not that I should really worry about that I suppose!).

Got even more confusing when I got a call out the blue from a number I didn't recognise and it was a guy - I had no clue who he was and then the penny dropped that it was the guy who's fixing my patio!! Boy I felt stupid, thank heavens I didn't say anything awful!!

I keep reading the rules Margo I'm trying to make them my mantra!

Halfdutch that is brilliant! I love the spreadsheet idea. I have two whose names are very similar and I get very confused on WhatsApp!

tom haha it does get confusing sometimes. One of my first Tinder dates had almost exactly the same name - I mean same first name and very very similiar last name! - as my most recent ex. It was a bit odd hearing him say it when getting to the restaurant.

Yay HalfDutch, sounds fun. I think that is the best way, to just relax and have fun with it. When I was young I used to love flirting and meeting new people and somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that (not to mention being very out of practice) and started approaching it with a really heavy touch. That doesn't mean I'm dropping my standards but it just feels less weighed down with expectations - if that makes sense.

Well my family have just told me I'll never find a man because I have misophonia Good job I've basically given up anyway.

Right, Mr Eire is a strike off the list. He sounded so upbeat & cheery on his profile, but he moaned on the phone about online dating & then revealed he doesn't have a car, which given the distance between us geographically is never going to work!

I'm starting to think a phone chat is probably more useful than I thought, as I now won't waste any time having a coffee with him.

I'm glad some of my hard won experience nonsense ramblings are helpful :)

I realised the common denominator in all of my interactions was me. I needed to sort my approach out. Trying to change men is a waste of time.

What you want to know Margot????