Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Lurking here .... dated a man who was 50, 3 older children and one who was 3. Basically fell for a women in her 20's she fell pregnant, even though he had made it clear he didnt want anymore children. But he was a successful businessman and his ego got the better of him.

My daughters are 17 and 19, raised them on my own. I did try to accommodate a young child again, but ultimately we both had very different lives, although we were similar ages.

I've heard the same thing from many men my age, ( 40's), but they are flattered by young women taking an interest in them!!

I've come off all sites at the moment. Really can't be arsed.. Lots of ....the weather's hot, just like you ... comments!!!

A friend suggested I should take up golf instead!!! Lots of single men at a golf club apparently?!

Xiola loving your earlier posts - you are an inspiration!

I’ve been messaging one guy on and off since January, not met him yet, he’s a bit of a distance away and I have to admit him having a 6 year old is a bit of a turn off (my two are in their early 20s).

Went out last night and of the six of us one had met her husband on her second date with someone on POF, the other had messaged her guy for year before they met on POF and she’s been with him 5 years now - so there is hope out there!

Tinder is proving interesting! But proving a distraction from Mr Holiday who I am trying hard not to build up any hopes for.

Any tips on how to stop obsessing over someone before you even meet them?? (Amy Young did a great YouTube on Friday about it but I’m still finding it difficult to hold myself back!)

oh lordy, despite having a couple of dates with MrJ and liking him. I started talking to a couple of other guys. (Dont know why, but I feel a little guilty)

1 we will call MrGolf who is nice, but does play golf A LOT. Not sure but we get on well so far.

2 we will call MrNorway he has had me laughing LOTS and called me this morning on facetime which I dont usually do, but I did with him and we had a really good chat and he has asked me out. Think I am meeting him on Tuesday. He just seems more on my wave length, his kids are grown, even has a couple of grandchildren, married young - he is 48 so older than me but young (ish) at heart. Im really looking forward to meeting him actually.

molly the reason that I dont really want to date someone with really young kids is that mine are nearly 19 and 15, so I dont want to do the whole young 'uns again. Although MrJ has 2 at 8 and 10...

Molly i reckon mid thirties onwards and the biological clock seems to start ticking for men! All the guys i've dated/messaged since splitting from stbxdh have had kids firmly on the radar!

I'm receiving pof notifications, but ignoring as don't want to do the early chat bit again. All my eggs are in Mr Blue's basket. They won't crack if it doesn't go anywhere as I feel as though I now have grown a thicker skin. Maybe it's just the sunny days making things seem better!

Molly although I don't personally want to be a step-mum to young DCs, for women with younger DC it is probably more easy to integrate a man into your life. My DCs would not see a new man as a dad figure, I think. So I may have the issue that they disagree with my choice!

Fingers crossed for Mr Blue, Choc

HalfDutch - you have to remember it is not actually a real person you are obsessing over, before you've met them, it is the idea of them. You don't know them, so you've created a persona around them that you think is amazing & fabulous & worth obsessing over. The real them probably eats their own toenails, dribbles wee on the seat of the loo, licks the middle out of biscuits etc. Those are the things I force myself to think about if I start creating fantasy scenarios & thinking that someone is my "dream" man when I haven't actually met them!

licks the middle out of biscuits, I'll have to remember that Margo if I ever start getting obsessed about someone

Which is unlikely - my Match subscription ran out, so I deleted my account. I've deleted Tinder and Bumble. POF is hidden but I've deleted the app so I won't be tempted to look.

I'm having a break until at least September. There's a couple of social things I've started to get involved in. I can't do them on a regular basis just yet but hopefully it'll be enough to start making new friends.
Good luck to all who are still wading through the OLD pond. I'm sure I'll be back later in the year.

Can I get the verdict on Tinder please? My best friend said to me - you know it's just a site for shagging, right?

I have heard differently from other friends who have met long term partners.

I mean I know whatever app you use you'll have people looking for hookups but there must be people on there looking for a relationship/dating too?

Vixen I think ALL the sites have their share of men who are just after a shag.
I've had loads on PoF, they have 'looking for a relationship' as their status but in actual fact it should say 'looking for some sex talk and a quick shag'
Just take it slowly and with a pinch of salt on all the sites.

I think that may be a good point about integrating kids-hope so anyway! And tbh I'm not sure I'm done with having kids (in an ideal world obvs) so if their biological clocks are ticking then all for the good. As long as they don't assume that I don't want anymore it's all such a mind game isn't it?! But it's why I like OkCupid, you can answer those sorts of questions on your profile so people have a fairer idea of what you're about (if they actually bother to read them of course!)

Tell you what, OLD is doing marvels for my geography. Just wish I wasn't quite so near London as a distance of (seemingly) only a few kilometres can take up to two hours to battle across town! Not worth the bother!

Im not doing mindgames, im eing up front about what i want - i have maybe 10yrs of fertility left then many to be a spinster so it's on!

On that note, date arranged with charming chatty tomorrow.....

I'm fed up of reading profiles that say they like meals out and fun but also like cosy nights in cuddling on the sofa. It's as though they think this is what all women are wanting so they all write it. I'm far more likely to respond to someone who says something a little different.

Yes! There are so many with that wording - do you think they've copied and pasted it from some guide to online dating? Maybe an old guide, given the regular references to dvds 😆

literary I see that on profiles all the time. It gets an eye roll from me whenever I see it as it's the exact same wording every single time.

My pet hate is 'I like all the usual things'

Yes, the whole cuddles on the sofa doing all the usual things is soooooooo dull! If that’s the best that they can do, I can’t be bothered to chat with them!

I've had loads of tinder dates - no shag only issues whatsoever!

My pet hate on profiles is 'just ask'. No...give me the highlights so I can work out if it's worth asking more!

Hi ladies. New to the thread and OLD. Just have to write how much of a complete dickhead I am feeling right now. Met a guy on tinder last week. Messaging all week and meeting up at the weekend. Met at weekend, nice time, bit awkward as expected being new to it all. More messages after the date and he wanted to meet again asap. Anyway, no message today and have been unmatched on tinder. Not sure how to feel about it.

Maybe he's just unmatched now you've had dates? Not texting all day is odd if he always does but have you text him?

Enough his ex got back in contact, or he decided his work is about to get manic, or he remembered he has this weird disease he doesnt like to talk about, or he didn't feel that you have much in common or he just couldn't see the real brilliant you and it's his loss.

I have felt rubbish so many times through OLD, it gets easier and there can be fun and meaningful moments too. Why waste time with someone who doesn't think you're special?

Yeah or like Literary said, you could just try a quick message as maybe a blip. I jump to conclusions quickly

I jump to conclusion far too easily too! What does your gut say?

Runs you should pop back in here regularly and if you change your mind it's a good place to vent / moan / enjoy OLD. Be interesting to hear if social groups are a better way forward too. Good luck