Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@meowimacat I really want to know who it is!!!

evening all! Had a lovely day with MrJ. That man has moves!

harry . I am also recently (separated 1 year now) out of a marriage of 20 years. OLD wasnt a thing when I met my stbxh in 90s... now its the way forward.

I am on Plenty of Fish and Ive had mixed success. Lots of players, people who want sex and then some decent guys. Some who float my boat, others who dont.

My friend says try think of it like when you are on a night out; in a pub/club... you chat to lots of different people on a night out, so why should OLD be any different? And the first date or meet up is just the same as chatting in a pub - to see if you click and want to see them again.

Ive had coffee with a few guys - some I liked but didnt fancy and we chat now as friends (some, not all), even had a second date with one of them and within 5 minutes of drinks/dinner I knew he wasnt the one for me. At.All!

Date organised with Mrcomputer. I'll believe it when I see it.
Not convinced

Jax - I love the nightclub analogy - it is so true....... and a great way of looking at it.

I am feeling a bit shit and crap tonight. My FWB has called me today and his ex is sniffing around again? Already broken his heart twice before and she has crept out the woodwork to come and stir everything up again....... just got to step back now and watch it all happen.

I mean, I've got my head about me on this one...... we have a great time together and we both know what it is but there is still a little part of me that feels a bit sad about it? Is this normal?

Totally thinking of taking a break from OLD too. Desperate to meet someone who doesn't just want to have sex 🤦👻🙈

Had a good date today who I met on Tinder only 2 days ago (got chatting in the evening, then he phoned me yesterday). Really think it's the way to go, to meet someone in the flesh ASAP if possible. Had a really fun day, will definitely see him again next week, and it took my mind off Mr Scared/Emotionally Screwed Up for a few hours. (Though have been exchanging saucy messages with him on and off all week. Again. )

My rearranged date tonight went really well. He was polite, interested and interesting, no red flags. I came home expecting weird messages or no message, but he messaged if a normal and friendly way.

After the odd dates I have had recently I'm a million miles from the smitten bench, not even going to name this iron yet, and expecting some sort of oddness to come across soon. We are going to try to meet on Monday or Tuesday, depends on childcare.

He seems very busy in June, but sounds like events with friends rather than drinking and pulling nights.

Two exes have contacted me asking for FWB. I didn't have this with them before and said when things ended I didn't want that. I guess they are contacting all their exes, but I would find it odd with someone I had hoped to have more with originally.

Bop stay away from Mr screwed up, block him and don't look back.

Great to hear Jax and Choc. Bop glad you had good day - cut loose from Mr Screwed up!

Binning Mrcomputer off. I just can't be chewed.

Is it just me or are they're so many immature guys who just want shags.

I might just stay single

Was bored last night and so unhid my Tinder profile and had a few swipes. Woke up this morning to a message: Hi anitt x

Argh! Why so dull?! And the kisses! Starting to hate them with a passion. My profile clearly states I like good conversation, I am already bored with this one...rolls eyes

I feel ya anitt! I NEED good convo, saying hi and a kiss gives me nothing to work with

I'm finding myself in a bit of a rut with men who obviously just want sex. Not slept with any of them but it's so off-putting when they suddenly churn out the sex chat and have no interest in anything else and you've not even met them. Recently been chatting to 2 irons, I've not mentioned anything sexual to them yet they both started with the sexual chat and I just can't be bothered with it all. I'd like to meet someone who actually wants to get to know me before all that. I've blocked them both this morning. Rant over.

Went up to London and out with my bestie last night and she made me download Tinder and took a photo to put on it! OMG - hysterical! I have no idea how it really works tbh but there are some incredibly funny pics on there!

Interestingly it seems there was a far better demographic of good looking guys up in her area than where I live!

I’ve had a few messages but am taking them all with a pinch of salt at the moment. Am so with you anitt on the ‘hi x’ message, for goodness sake give me something to reply to - how difficult is it for them to ask a simple question!

Am still messaging Mr Holiday and hoping at some point before he comes home he suggests a meet up.

Have a great Saturday everyone :)

Re the sex chat thing, agree it is annoying.

I usually ask how they are finding things on the site as one of my early questions in the back and forth before it's reached giving my number stage. They usually ask how I find it too as a question back to me and I say- how quite a few men have started with the sex chat and how off putting it is, just ruins their chances etc as far as I am concerned and i dont entertain any of that etc.
Sets the boundary early and they know the consequence if they start it. Doesn't stop them all, some then disappear etc but I would rather that than waste time on the sex starved losers.
Filters and screening. I have it down to a fine art now :)

I lasted a couple of days on POF and I've hidden my profile again.
10 messages - 6 hadn't read my profile because they were miles away, one said I was a snob, 2 said hi sexy. But the final straw was the message "omg you are fit as f**k, how do you do it at your age".
I think there was a compliment in there somewhere.

Completely agree with comments about the sex chat - so many do it. And the lack of decent conversation - how hard is it to ask a few questions and show a bit of interest.

Runs- I have a funny feeling the reason you aren't having much luck OLD is you are high class. Men will be afraid to approach you because they think you are out of their league and most likely are. I genuinely believe you would have so much success at singles events, you would have your pick and the men would be much better quality and more along the lines of what you are worth and looking for...

xiolablue I might try using your response to them. I'm usually pretty good at communicating my standards and one of them is that I don't like sexual chat until I'm dating at least. It's so off putting to randomly receive rubbish sexual messages from men that I don't really fancy much and barely know me.

Indeed.

I almost have a set script of the same questions at the start, in more of a relaxed friendly funny way than perhaps I implied above, that I always ask. Gets a lot established right from the get go and their responses are always telling.

I want to know how long they've been single, if they see their kids, what they do for work, hobbies, future goals. What they are looking for etc. Get the basics established whilst im on the site, rather than seeing if its stimulating conversation at that stage, as I've said before, I don't believe you can tell until you speak or meet for that. If they pass all the filters and screening, I'll accept a date. This is within a week to 10 days, 2 weeks max for all stages including the date to be completed. I've found this way that I get best results. I haven't been sent a cock photo in a long time, which is pleasing :)

Ps. In times past I would prioritise the stimulating conversation only to discover they were 2 months out of a 10 year relationship or whatever when out on the date. Meant all the stimulating conversation pre date was a total waste of time.

So I don't prioritise that initially anymore. Obviously they needed a good standard of writing and my ideal is when I ask about hobbies etc they say reading and museums, theatre, art, all my kind of stuff. But. That doesn't mean the basics are there if they have 2 kids under 5. I want to know answers to the things that establish if it's even worth a phone call.
I don't date men with young children. So is no good if they are funny and interesting, I don't want every other weekend to be spent visiting the zoo or any ex drama/court shenanigans.

I've done my time with young kids when my son was small and want someone in a similar phase of life to me. So I find out the basics first.

After a few relationships ended I realised that the red flags were always there at the beginning. Or there was something I knew was not compatible but thought it would be ok and could live with and tolerate.
When the relationships ended it was always due to the red flags and the issues identified right from the start that never went away and usually became less tolerable over time.

Someone wise once said to me, there is no such thing as love. It's what you can tolerate. I subscribe to this fully. Love is not a feeling it's an action and a choice to commit. No one is perfect but it's what you can tolerate and accept. If you bring your best self to a relationship it means that the intolerances are fewer with someone also bringing their best self. But it's finding those who have reached the stage of them being their best self and committed to continual growth and improvement. Mature and decent men ultimately. Harder to find but worth it when you do.

Haha! Xiola that made me laugh. I'm just very ordinary.
I met a friend today who had been on OLD about 6 months ago. We did a search on POF to see who we fancied. There was no one on there that we liked that I hadn't already messaged.
Many of them had messaged her months ago. She's 10 years younger than me and was getting messages from men in their late 40s early 50s. I'm 50 and those same men ignored me when I sent them a message.

wow the age thing is so depressing. I might change my mind when I get older but I wouldn't like being stuck with toyboys when 50+ because I like talking to my equals/peers IYSWIM, have never liked younger men. Yes OK more stamina/energy in bed blah blah oh how fun, but what about the rest of the time? Clearly this doesn't matter to the majority of men :(

maybe I should just give up and give some airtime to the 50/60yr olds that message me after all! Old Chatty looks very spritely at just 41 now think I'll propose tonight... (joke, lol)

Naynay some of us are over 41! still feel like I just turned 30

I'm ignoring pof and cancelled a date with a new bloke. I could say it was because of my recent good date, but it's because pof is awful, all of my messages say "hey u xxx" and it turns out that the other bloke I was chatting to has no time to date.

It's crazy he's on a dating app, with 3 kids, 2 jobs an ex that wants him to help with her additional DC too, which uses his free night. I think we could get a complete day every 3 weeks. He still wanted to meet 🤣

I know choc im not agebashing, ive dated someone 27yrs older in the past its relative! I'm 31 and said 38 was my limit on my profile so he's cheeky to have messaged. A 10yr gap isnt that much but the guy i mentioned upthread who lied and said he was 37 but was actually 40 was totally preoccupied with it and kept harping on and on about how awful being 40 was and his life was over, and then projecting that onto me saying i wasnt far behind - im fresh outta my 20s!? I thought i dont need aging before my time so i'll stick to 30s

Gawd I've had a couple of days off here and nothing good has happened to anyone it seems! OLD is shite. I had a smile on Friday from a lovely looking guy who's a year older than me so I smiled back. Then nothing from him until I messaged him last night with a few of the pre-made questions. He replied instantly but didn't bother with a reply to my actual message. I've on a mini holiday with family so hadn't been on the app. My subscription runs out in 13 days and I'm not renewing.
My profile has been viewed by about 8 people but only the one has contacted me. Maybe I put them off with knowing exactly what I'm after! But I'm not prepared to compromise on my basic standards.
I totally agree about men and ageing. Bald or severely receding is something I don't find attractive. If I knew them though it wouldn't be such a big thing. That's the problem with OLD - you are primarily basing attraction on physical appearance. Difficult not to though. I don't go for ripped guys as I'm not a gym attender although physically fit. I have some "mum of 3 kids and still breastfeeding" padding though. I read ripped as being vain.
Cake why on earth would anyone think you're a snob just from your profile? Or does your profile clearly show you have standards therefore they feel threatened as they can't possibly live up to them?? I'm a snob/have standards too

Literary perhaps it's because I say "I'm a snob and you need to live up to my high standards & expectations" .
Or more likely that I say grammar is important and you need to know the difference between "their" and "they're".

If someone looks at my profile and doesn't send a message, I never know if they're not interested or just unsure. If I like the look of them then I might send a message saying that I noticed they'd checked out my profile.

On Match you have to specify a age range and it's incredible how many man have an upper limit that is less than their age.