Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I'm sorry happy I put my profile back on POF. I've woken up this morning to three messages. One tells me I'm a snob, one says I'm sexy. The last one says hi.

*so happy

@Skyrabbit that's awful. Glad he's been removed.

I received a message via POF last night from someone I had two dates with about 3 years ago. The first date was great, the second was horrific. He said I should have gone on date 3 with him to save me from OLD. Replied a couple of times and then went out for dinner. By the time I logged back in I had about 16 messages ranging from abusive because I was ignoring him to begging for a third date. I mean WTF?! I did reply because I was cross and then got similar again he's now blocked!

Chatting to 2 others on Bumble but I don't think they'll move to date stage. Nice to chat after a drought!

Do you think it's the time of year...

a few of you have mentioned a drought or nothing much happening. Me too.

I get messages but none that I'd take seriously.

A couple of months ago there were loads of eligibles but they seem to have all gone to ground.

Do you think it's seasonal hahaha?

I'm loosing interest in Mrcomputer.

I don't mind texting but prefer to chat. We've spoken briefly before but his go to is texting. Not that if know what to say...I'm terribly shy. But texting only.....yawn

I need a grip and some sensible chat. I had three dates with MrTrain, there was just something about him - his soft manner or his voice that really got under my skin.

Anyway low and behold a Facebook check and he is in a long term live in relationship with someone. I call him out on it, he offers to come round and explain, then excuse / excuses inc mother nearly dying and then silence.

Now I know I'm better off etc but I can't stop thinking about him, checking his face book, and his partners. The real thing is we get the same train into work. We usually get on a different ends of the train but today on purpose I got on his end and he got on. I was half not expecting to see him due to him caring for his dying mother (hohoho). He didnot see me. But was literally sitting in front of me. So I stood up, and said good morning, that's it's not nice to disappear on people and he should treat people with more respect and then I moved carriages.

BUT I want to say more, to get him to explain, to apologise, to cause him grief. I've never experienced this. I need to stop. Help me let go with no closure.

Gina I'd leave it if I was you - I know it's frustrating but what do you want by calling him out again? Better to walk away with your head held high.

Val that's totally what I want to do but it's like I've got this unfinished business I need to close off. To have my say before.

It feels a bit obsessive, I've never experienced anything like it.

Gin- when a relationship or anything ends it's the end of a dream. It's not him you are really upset about. It's what you thought it could be. It's disappointing.

He has a partner already. It's not what you thought would happen. Tough to come to terms with but think, is it really him you are bothered about or the fact you have to start again?

Cake - knew it :)

I absolutely think it's seasonal - people are happy to be single in the Summer months.

Trust me, when Winter hits that'll be when all the guys will pop back up on OLD and want to cosy up with a woman on the dark nights and miserable cold days.

Bumble boy was meant to come over tonight but I've phased him out. Sort of feel bad for doing it, but I just went quiet since he got sexual and I think he realises I'm not interested. I'm so bad, I'd rather just phase out than explain my reasons. I hate confrontation. But I should really contact him and explain it's not working for me. If he messages later i'll be honest.

Mr Famous is being extremely keen. He's also a huge flirt, but I'm playing him at his own game at the moment which I find entertaining. However, he's got to wait a week for a date, and with the intensity he is messaging me right now (even too much for me) I'm just not sure we'll even get to a date. I may be bored/put off by all of this then. Funny how one guy flirting with me (Bumble boy) is a total turn off yet someone I actually fancy flirting with me is acceptable. I don't understand myself. Although clearly Mr Famous is not boyfriend material, so I need to be really careful. I'm not really after being messed about or a secret, again!

Hello - can I join and ask for advice? Have been lurking a while silently cheering you all on in your adventures. My sponging cocklodging tosser husband left a few months ago, but I had been emotionally over him for about 5 years before that. I am 50 and have two teenagers. At the risk of sounding immodest, I do look younger (as am a shortarse and dress in jeans and t-shirts). Also I have been married for over 20 years to the wrong man so have NO recent dating experience and think the world may have moved on since 1996! What do I do? Am not sure I am ready to date yet, and teenage DD would find it unsettling but am very curious about what may be out there (plus am frustrated!). The only men I know my age IRL are married, weird as hell, or divorced but dating 30 year olds. And men older than me look like bloody grandads. So ... can I ask a few questions?

1. what are the best sites for solvent, independent men who don't want to date 20 year olds? (am not a gold-digger, am financially independent, but have had years of being married to a workshy wanker and find it a total turn off)

2. given that I can get away with lying, should I give my age as 46 as from what I have read on here there are some fantastic ladies amongst you who find the big 50 causes issues?

3. is there any way I can register on a few sites just to have a nose around and see who is there in my area before I create a profile?

4. would any local women be able to spot me on there if not actually lesbians and looking for love with a local lady? Am negotiating divorce agreement and ex is quite childish so any reports from his hostile female relatives who I know do OLD that I was putting myself out there might cause some nastiness and I don't need that. Also, I do not want teens to know I am doing it! They think I am ancient and embarrassing and think my life is over and hobbies should be limited to watching Bake Off and crochet definitely not looking for hot men online

I would be so grateful for any starting tips! Thank you xxx

HarrysCode, I'm not far off 50 and have two teenagers. Here's my take on it all:

1. The rules at the top of the thread are so important, they should be tattooed onto our hands so we can't forget them!!!!

1. If you lie about anything, then expect to be found out and it not to make anyone happy. FWIW, I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't think she looks younger than her age - myself included!!!

1. There are no best sites, as far as I can tell. Lots of posters on here have used a wide variety of sites, with mixed results.

1. You can register on all of the sites without uploading a photo, so you can have a look around before anyone knows you are there. On some sites you can hide your profile too & just look around entirely anonymously.

1. There is ALWAYS a chance that you will be spotted by someone you know on a dating website, if your photo is up there. Unlikely that you will attract local lesbians, if you say you are looking for men & on most sites you can select which gender sees your profile BUT, you have to be prepared for someone you may know to see you.

Read the rules, read the rules, read the rules & post on here!

Xiolla. You are right. Although a small part of it is him the majority is situational.

I need to let go. Rise above and look forward.

Thanks for replying Margot Love your username BTW!

1. I solemnly swear to memorise the rules and abide by them when (if) the time comes for me to actually have a date

2. honestly, I do look about 12 !!! And I think most 50 year old men look about 70, sadly. Or maybe that is just where I live and work I am not entering this venture with great expectations (though I do believe there is a site called Toyboy Warehouse which amuses me greatly, though would be scared to venture on there!)

3. I always thought I was a Guardian Soulmate sort until I read terrible reviews of it - so maybe not. Perhaps the free ones would be a risk-free start?

4. ... and another good starting point for a nervous newbie would be somewhere I could look around entirely anonymously so if anyone can enlighten me???

5. Not afraid of local lesbians, terrified of spiteful local ex-in-laws who I know are on the OLD scene and will be expecting me to swear off men for life having rejected their darling brother or else pay a horrible price! So if anyone can let me know which sites allow me to choose which gender can see my profile that would be good.

Am not even sure I have the courage to do this and put myself out there - have shied away at the 'add your email' stage a few times!

Harrys - don't lie about your age, starting off on a lie is bad. I had a guy dock three years off his age and it made me think bad of him, not because he was 40 rather than 37 but because it took him so long to fess up (and it smacks of insecurity which isnt sexy...).

Gina - It's the SHITTEST thing ever, that kind of scenario :( I agree it's the evaporated potential which hurts the most.

...out of paranoia I just facebook stalked MrChatty - he exists, he doesn't appear to be married and seems super nice :) ...got to wait a bit longer for that catch ;)

HarrysCode I think some men can age less well than women.

I met up with some old uni friends recently and all the women still looked pretty much how I remembered them. Yes, they had a few wrinkles but they basically looked like slightly older versions of their younger selves. Most of them probably looked early 40s, even though we were all closer to 50. The same could not have been said of most of the blokes. I think baldness plays a part, plus they don't dye their hair, so a lot of them were either bald or grey and it has to be said that a paunch is also really ageing, which quite a few had developed too. However, that said, that doesn't stop them being lovely people, it just means that you may find physical attraction comes a bit more slowly.

Maybe that is just how I am finding it. I'm sure others will offer their thoughts.

Margo - Yes you are right there. My female friends all look pretty good. Their partners looked OK until about 5 years ago and seem to have cumulatively given up and slid into old age quite rapidly. My ex was older than me, so I have had years married to bald and a paunch and a horrible personality Would not go older again I don't think (hence pessimism as I expect men my age would go for younger)

I am ok with baldness if it is just shaved off and not someone trying to hide thinning patches in a desperate way! Actually quite like shaved hair and a beard

I go to the gym a lot so less keen on a paunch - I think my views of what normal people look like have been tampered with by all the iron men there!

I accept I will have to recalibrate my expectations somewhat. Mostly I just want fun, cheerful, uncomplicated after years of living with a misery!

Of course, I look like Sharon Stone and am an absolute fucking delight 100% of the time*

*yeah, sadly this is not strictly true!

I've found the men weirdly variable! Some are down as being 34 but I would quite honestly put them at no less than 44, and the other way round too - a couple have looked no older than maybe 30 at 38/40!

Am into beards and a bit of grey grizzling doesn't bother me, nor does a cuddly physique! I'd rather have cuddly than ripped tbh yes ok maybe I'm weird but at least it leaves all the ripped guys for everyone else .

Thanks for leaving me the ripped guys Naynayba I am also OK with grey hair ... actually I don't know what I want FFS. Have been married since before the invention of smartphones and wifi, when we met men in pubs and at work. I am ancient AND inexperienced!

tbh OLD wasnt even much of a thing when I was 'dating' (pre LTRs) circa 2003. A 19yr old friend is already on tinder; I've never even seen tinder.

Harryscode Hi - I'm similar age to you. I'm having trouble finding a decent site to use. And have noticed how so many men seem to suddenly age really badly after 45.

I went on POF last weekend - it is one of the worst websites I have ever been on, of any sort. So difficult to navigate, random things popping and not scrolling. Then it logged me out.
Tried to log back in - said my password was wrong
Asked it to email me to reset my password, never received the email
There doesn't appear to be any way to contact them either...

Match isn't too bad, but it doesn't actually match you with anyone. You have to spend a lot of time just searching through. If you don't join up straightaway they'll intice you in with a a special offer.

OkCupid is free but lots of creepy types.

Guardian Soulmates seems to have the most coherent and clean looking chaps, but there's not many people on it and I've been reluctant to subscribe as I don't know how many of them have subscribed and would actually see my messages.

dogzdinner I had to change all my internet settings at home to OLD, as there were default settings to prevent access to "adult themed" websites.

I also can't use the work wifi to OLD at all, as they are banned by our work firewalls.

So, initially, I thought all the OLD apps were shite & I couldn't understand why they wouldn't work & all kept logging me out etc, but once I got all my internet settings sorted out, it did get better.

There's a very interesting article online I think on the daily mail (Yes grim, I do appreciate) from.a few years ago that is all about older men being boring and their vivacious wives being the opposite. With the writer asking why this is the case...
One of the questions is around drops in testosterone as men age and the impact this has on their vivacity. As they are not being pushed by high levels of testosterone to spread their seed, it all slumps and they lose interest in sex and bothering in anything or go the other way and start chasing 20 yr olds.
My older friends in their 60s have not had much luck OLD and found the same issues as many of you have mentioned. They went the social events, traditional dating agencies and hobbies like ballroom/salsa dancing route as the men that attended those tend to be more spritely and active and desirable. Downside is as they are so few they are often highly sought after by all the women so they can be a bit hard to pin down. All my older friends are trim and take very good care of themselves so they had no issues.

It's more energy intensive and costly too though.

Did anyone see Matthew Hussey on This Morning today? He did a piece on love for the over 50's!

So Mr Famous has been non stop chatting with me and flirting - it's all been getting a bit much, especially the celeb name dropping like I even care about the celeb friends he has.

He just said 'so you're funny, you're hot, what's the catch?' and I said 'that I'm not just about hookups and messing about ;)'

I'm bored of him now.