Dating Thread 134 - 50 Swipes of Tinder

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Feedback on here what he tells you (I used to work in a hospital myself and almost went to med school too so will be able to tell you if he is full of shit or not. Can also think of some appropriately tricky questions to ask 😜

I'm a nurse and used to work in hospitals before going into general practice so yes tell us all and we'll tell you if bullshit.

Even better.. ...... I am already cooking up scenarios in my head now of what to ask 😂🤣

You lot are amazing. I've started by jokingly asking for a photo of his stethoscope, as he said he wears one round his neck.
I'll report back!

user that's terrible! But I am sure it's so common.

This guy used a fake name on OKC with a scarce profile. I replied as his messages were interesting. He soon told me his real name as he felt we had a connection. Then told me he was a doctor, but didn't tell many that. He works in a "London teaching hospital". I don't know his last name yet.

Tom I've also looked up a Doctor on the GMC registry. I had no doubt about him being a Doctor but I had my suspicion he'd lied about his age....

I took great pleasure in asking him how'd he'd become a member of the GMC at 17

Ugh Bumble boy is gross. Started being sexual about coming over to mine on Friday evening. He KNOWS I am not after some hookup, and he KNOWS I am disgusted by that type of thing. He also told me he's not like that, and so far he has been completely friendly and platonic which is why I trusted him. But what other way can you take him saying he will "make me happy" Friday night and "show me how" when he's over. Ughhhh makes me feel physically SICK. Obviously that is not happening. I have a date next Saturday (again, believe it when it happens) but I'm not blown away by the guys looks - not saying it's all about looks though for me. So will give it a shot if he's consistent through the next week.

@VetOnCall you're absolutely right, I don't know why I even agreed for him to come over at such a late time. To be honest I have just seen him as, and treated him as a friend so it's not seemed an issue. He also made it out to be very innocent, that we could catch up on a programme we both watch that he's missed this week due to working late hours. However as explained above, last night he showed me his true colours. Again, I was being naive and new to all of this. He's just yet another guy wanting to sleep with me. That's all I get from men. No effort at all. I've also been burned by a Mr Emotionally Unavailable and do not want to fall into another situation like that, right now sex is low priority for me.

@Kittyb123 I have met him a few times so I wasn't agreeing to a first date coming to mine. But see ,it's not happening. I don't know why I even agreed to it anyway, I wouldn't want anyone coming over to my house for a long while. It won't be happening, dont worry.

Spring what did he say to that?!

I am a little bit puzzled recently. I have broken all the rules with one man. I met him at a local pub after a couple of days of exchanging messages. We didn't even go in the pub, but chatted in the car park. He kissed me and asked to come back to my place. I never normally would do this with a man I hardly know, but after kissing him my hormones took over and I agreed. We went back, had sex and he left afterwards.

I thought that would be the last I'd see of him and wasn't too bothered, as I'd not had chance to get emotionally attached, but he has been messaging since, chatting and says he wants to see me again.

He is 20 years younger than me. I would ideally want a relationship and on paper he is all wrong for that, although says he has had relationships with women older than him before.

I don't know if I want a relationship with him, i do like him, but I'm just really confused. I never saw myself as a person who wanted a FWB arrangement as in the past I got attached to sexual partners too easily. Now I'm thinking maybe I do. But I don't know what he wants and I don't want to ask at this stage, just see what develops?

Tom- gotta be honest. Why are you devoting so much time to a man you know so little about and who hasn't progressed to meet you?

He might be genuine he might not but he is getting what he needs out of this at the moment. You are an ego boost and he doesn't need to do much to be getting all your attention. Your actions show you have minimal other options. Men aren't stupid.

Exchange messages. Hurdle 1 passed
Arrange phone call. Hurdle 2 passed.
Date.

All of this happens in a max 2 week time frame for me. No texting every day and spending hours of my time, what is the point? Why are you investing time in a man you know nothing about before you meet? I don't get this at all.

xiola we have been chatting since the weekend. I don't think I'm investing that much time in him, but I am puzzled a bit by his actions/words which is why I posted here. Trust me, I'm certainly not emotionally invested, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
You're right though, maybe he is getting the ego boost he needs. What would you suggest? Just back off? Only reply after a few hours?

When you build up something via electronic messaging for a long period of time before you meet, it raises expectations. It feeds the fantasy.

So when you do eventually meet, and they are either disappointing or they don't like you, it's much worse because you have invested so much time and energy in it. It's deflating. Then you think where did I go wrong, it felt so great etc.

A pp said they had been on 40 dates since September. This is the right approach. Get a date in the diary and meet them, if they pass the phone call screen, see them in the flesh. If they aren't asking you out after the call, back off. Don't keep replying and feeding something that isn't progressing. Send a smiley face back once a day or something. You are worth more than feeding someone's ego and being a text buddy.

The phone screen would have told me if he was a genuine doctor. If I had then met him this would have been confirmed by seeing him in the flesh. People lie all the time online because they can. Men lie about their height, their looks, their everything. Men want to impress. And there are scammers too.

If you approach every interaction with the thought is this the one you are setting yourself up for pain.

Thanks xiola that's really helpful, especially the bit about feeding his ego. The trouble is I reply to my friends quite quickly on WhatsApp so that's just me. But I guess he's getting my attention and likes that. I like the idea of a smiley face. It's nice, innocuous and nothing else.
The good thing is I'm away for 4 days from tomorrow and my friends and I have agreed a phone ban, except for anything urgent. So then I'll see just how keen he is...

Literary He just said "wow, you have been checking up on me...."
It was just for a FWB/hookup scenario cause we had mutual 'interests' but I didn't like the idea that he thought he was getting one over on me so I looked him up and called him out on it.

So funnily enough I just got asked out by someone famous through Instagram. I say famous loosely as he’s on tv sometimes (I don’t really watch tv so not seen him) and has lots of celeb friends, he’s hardly a big time celeb. He’s been messaging me on and off for a couple of weeks, nothing even exciting - he’s been abroad doing some charity thing. Just asked me if I wanted to meet over wine to chat about it all, I said yes and now got the lovely ‘your place or mine’ comment.

Ugh. I’m sorry Mr Famous I don’t care about your blue tick, thousands of followers or your celeb connections. I’m going to reply ‘I’m more of a meet in the middle type of girl. So if you’d like to do that some time, let me know’ lol. But I think that’ll be the last of that. He most likely DM’s lots of girls the same thing, which is hilarious really as his Instagram is full of him being such a charitable lovely guy. All his celeb friends singing his praises. I would like to be proved wrong by yet again this is looking like a hookup situation he wants right?

Just catching up. I'm sure there are some genuine people on OLD but you do have to wade through a lot of crap in the hope of finding them.

My flurry of activity on Bumble is over. I was left with 2. One I thought I was getting on well with but this morning he has unmatched me. The other I unmatched because it was such hard work getting a decent reply from him.

I only seem to be attracting the sex pests, slobs and "can't be arsed to send a decent message" at the mo. Haven't been asked for a date in months (unless you count the 3 that cancelled).

So I've taken myself off everything for now until I figure out what I'm doing wrong. Might start again after the summer hols. In the meantime I have a couple of social things that I could get involved in that seem to fit quite well with my life and work routine. One has the potential for meeting some fit hunky blokes

Cake- maybe you should stay on them? Rather than delete and come off entirely.

I know with bumble and some of the others it's a bit different but with the traditional sites like pof and match you can just leave your profile up and check messages once a week.

When you're not watching the pot, so the speak, sometimes things happen...especially if you are starting different social things at the same time.

Xiola I get what you're saying but....
My Match subscription is about to run out. I've been on there nearly months. I had 4 dates from it in the first 6 weeks. Since then, nothing. No messages, just winks from people miles and miles away or 20 years younger. I've tried messaging and get ignored. There's rarely anyone new on there.

POF - my profile is hidden for now. Again, I got a flurry of interest at the start but not from anyone I would want to date. I've 1 date from POF (and 3 cancellations) since March.
I'm seeing the same faces all the time and they're not interested in me.

After a while I think people see you've been on there for so long that they think there's something wrong with you.

Looking forward to seeing MrJ again tomorrow.

Out of the blue today someone I was chatting to online text me, I had no idea who he was as had given my number out a few weeks ago, pre holiday and hadnt heard anything so thought nothing of it. Anyway, he asked me for coffee today, I said no, he was a bit pushy, I said no Im working and already have plans.

He asked me a few questions, told me a bit about himself and I think he expected me to fall at his feet. Nope, no chance matey, pushed for a meet up again I said no but maybe in the next week or so. Nothing back.

blocked!

Awww cake. I think you're hard on yourself.

Fair enough re match given it's paid for. Better to spend the money on treats and social things.

But no harm in leaving the pof profile up...is there?

@RunsforCake14 I have deleted my accounts many times but what I want to say to you is YOU are doing nothing wrong!!! Sadly the majority of men are all about the hookups and what they can get. You’re not the only one attracting these losers, we all do. That’s all I attract! Even the ‘good ones’ who tell me they want a relationship so I think are decent aren’t in the end so far 🙄 POF I find a waste of time. Tinder and Bumble sort of work for me with chat anyway.

So Mr Famous liked my ‘I’m more of a meet in the middle type of girl’ response and said that sounds good to him and he’d like to meet me when and where I decide. Ahhhh I’m scared now! I need to remember I am the prize!! I don’t feel like it right now. Scared.

How the heck did that start @meowimacat ?!

I have a private IG profile so pretty useless!

wd meow!

I do like quite a bit of messaging before meeting. Good conversation, intelligence, the ability to 'keep up' is hiiiigh on my list of requirements and messaging is my way of testing it (obvs if I met them in real life at work or whatever I could do bantz with them instead). I'm really pushed for time so I want a good idea they are quick witted enough for me before I even touch the idea of a date . I think Mr Chatty is at this stage, he has successfully passed the test, unfortunately he's off on holiday now and I'm a bit too busy at work to meet for a while so we might cross over into that we've-spent-too-long-messaging space :/ we'll see!

I'm feeling quite pleased so far with both chaps, quality not quantity...

Real life is different to OLD. You've already seen them in person for a start.

Men good over text not always in person. I'm doubtful, again, how these traits can be mysteriously assessed via a text and a screen...? The phone call tells you all that. In 20 minutes you have more information than via 2 weeks of texting.

Catfish is a good programme to show this. People have been texting for years with people who are not even the gender they pertain to be.

If they wont call, red flag. If they wont meet, red flag. If they want to build a relationship via text, red flag. Catfish is a pure example of people building fantasy relationships in their head. It's not real. It's fantasy and dream world stuff. Understandable but pure fantasy.

If it's giving you the results you seek then great, but I would bet a fiver it doesn't turn out as you expect.

@lookingforbutterflies I just followed him through another celeb and commented on a few pics and one day he followed me back. Then sent me a message response about a comment I left on one of his pics. I’m not going to take it as I’m anything special. Also it’s all done in private which makes me think he’s doing this with everyone. Just looking at who he is following and he mainly follows women - clearly tries this tactic many times. I’m sure he’s successful a lot of the time but not with me. I have no intentions of sleeping with him, celeb or not unless I went on many many dates and really liked him and thought it was going somewhere.

I highly doubt there will even be a date BUT I suggested next weekend Saturday when I’m child free. I actually have two dates already booked for then that I was deciding between, but I’m not bothered about either man so would be willing to see him if he seems worth my time. I bet this time next week i have no dates at all and they all phase me out!