He's got four children by 3 different women. Should I care?

[1stdatejiggyness]

I'm third date in with a guy I really like. However, he has four children by three different women aged 13 years to 1 year old. I think he may ask to take it to the next stage soon but I have my reservations.

I know I don't know the full story and forgive me for stereotyping but I can't help but think he may lack stability or be a player. He's so charming and says all the right things though. I'm worried he may be a womaniser or fall in love too quickly. Not only that, he's been honest and told me he's often broke halfway through the month. I try to be understanding about his financial situation but I'm starting to feel guilty when we spend money on a night out. I'm happy to pay my share but he keeps reminding me how difficult it is to pay for.

Can someone on a below average income really support four children and consider having a girlfriend? He says he has been single and celebate for 6 months.

No offence taken, I'm married so am not dating.

You’re being foolish, OP. I pity your children, who doubtless will be expected to adapt soon to a baby half-sibling whose dad barely contributes anything to him/her.

OP - please continue dating other people. So that you have a chance of meeting someone decent.

By your posts - it sounds like you already fell under his charms - and are on the way of becoming a mother to his next child.

Apparently - he is charming, and smart, and intersting, and a good father. And - celibate for half a year.
Right....

He is a disaster waiting to happen. Women he meets and charms - no doubt all thought that he’ll be different with them, etc. However, the evidence does not support that.

You can’t be this needy to ignore the humungois red flags because he told you ‘all the right things’... words are very, very easy. You know that.

Run - run fast from this sexually incontinent loser.

I'm amazed you have to ask....

This would be my advice.

Or, you could start sleeping with him, be pregnant before 2018 is over, and be a single Mum to 3 kids, by next Autumn. Because this is his "M O".

He's shown you what he does. He impregnates women. Then, when the reality of shitty nappies and sleepless nights hits him, he wanders off to find fresh fanny.

Even if you could be his The One, and he did stick around unlikely then you'd have your own 2 kids, plus 4 step kids, plus any more kids he knocks you up with, and NO MONEY because he is already skint. Doesn't sound appealing to me in the slightest. Who the fuck wants to watch 6+ kids, and have no money for holidays, meals out, treats etc? Makes my eyes water. Imagine the mess and noise, uurgh.

I sincerely hope he's hung like a Donkey, otherwise, I'm failing to see any good points with him.

I've got four kids to three different men, I posted up thread. Am I a skank?
Maybe, maybe not.
I don't know much about you but If you already had 3 children by two different men as you said before you got married I would want my sons to avoid you.
You could be well read and interesting but your family situation is complicated.
The fathers of the children may have different attitudes to a new bloke coming on the scene, they may parent different so there maybe differences on how the children are being treated by their fathers which can put pressure on the relationship.
I've seen things go badly wrong with my friends when there has only been one previous dad In the background never mind two.

@Huskylover1 - I can't work out whether your illustration is you not touching him with a bargepole, or him being hung like a donkey

I wouldn't entertain it.

Not just with the baggage of 4 children and 3 ex girlfriends in the background...but the fact he's already started going out about his financial hardship and says its hard for him to go on dates.
This would make me think, as you get further into the relationship, you'll start to go on less dates and you'll paying for more than your share.

There are miles better men out there.

Don't settle because you want a relationship

How is he caring? What's the next level? You say he wants to take it to that and I'm assuming you mean a shag next date? What about what you want? Just because he wants to shag you doesn't mean he gets too. You know that right? And ffs use contraception!

I disagree people would say different if it was a woman! People are always telling me I will never meet anyone now or it will be really hard because I have 4 and they all have the same dad! If it was a woman I would tell my son's to steer clear!

This.

Charley50

Imagine the responses if a man had posted this about a woman!

Notacooldad, I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't know their own mind and did what their parents wanted, as a grown adult. For all you know, my children's father might have died.
You aren't in a position to judge. But as it is, my ex committed suicide and my eldest's father isn't involved. Therefore, there aren't any other men involved in our family life. I am a brilliant mother to my children. I raised them completely alone and sacrificed a lot for my children to put them first. I understand a woman with children is not for everyone but I'm not a lost cause. I am kind, fun loving and attractive ( hate to be big headed but I'm a model).
My fourth child's dad is my husband which says a lot really doesn't it.

And frankly I would judge someone who had four abortions before I judged someone who has successfully raised four children alone.

Notacooldad I would want my children to avoid you like the plague.

Imagine the responses if a man had posted this about a woman!
Same advice. Avoid unles you want a load of baggage not of your making in your life.

Sure there is woman out there with several kids from several fellas for different reasons and that's how their life has ended up. However I think life is difficult enough without added complications. I think it's fair to say I like a simple uncomplicated life free, as much as possible, from potential dramas.

There's a woman at my kids school she was telling a random stranger on the bus that she's pregnant with her 5th, her oldest is in my 6 year olds class and that it's the 3rd dad. I honestly don't know how people find the time. And most admit I did judge. I wouldn't say any different if it was a woman I will still say run for the hills.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict
And frankly I would judge someone who had four abortions before I judged someone who has successfully raised four children alone.

The irony of posting this immediately after your post boasting about how fun, gorgeous and KIND you are!

Notacooldad I would want my children to avoid you like the plague

I'm fine with that and it doesn't affect my life in any way what so ever.

chocolate it was you who asked if you was a skank or not, I said I don't know. My kids do know their own mind and probably wouldn't do what I wanted anyway! I can only give advice IF!they ask.

I said the reason why I thought it was a bad idea is that there is potentially too many people involved that can cause stress on the relationship. You've explained your case and you really didn't have to, it's no skin of my nose.

My closest friend has two kids by two dads. One dad is always promising his son the earth and never shows up and the other dad picks his kid up every Saturday and mid week and does his bit. There is a third bloke involved , her current partner ( no children with him) and he gets all the flack. The kids scream at him that he can't make them do anything when he asks nicely for manners from them, one of the dads treats him like shit when he is the one doing the school run, making tea for them and running them to football practice.

Why would I want that life for my kids. Would you want it for your children when they are grown up and in a relationship or would you prefer them to have a complication free relationship.

You aren't in a position to judge of course I'm not, but it is a public forum where opinions was asked. I gave an opinion!
I am glad you are doing well and you are successful. I truly mean that.i wish my friend had the same but she is exhausted by all the falling out.

Will you be sorry for mother no5, when he's had enough of you?
Why do women do this?
He'd be with number one if he was any cop.

He'd be with number one if he was any cop
To be fair that isn't necessarily true.
Relationships break up for all different reasons. However just because you are in a relationship it doesn't follow that you have to have a child almost immediately as this fella seems to have done especially as the youngest is only one year old and he is already dating the OP!

And frankly I would judge someone who had four abortions before I judged someone who has successfully raised four children alone

Well you'd be an awful wanker, wouldn't you? If we're speaking frankly.

frankly I would judge someone who had four abortions before I judged someone who has successfully raised four children alone

I'm not sure where 4 abortions came from and who has judged them for it?

Not quite sure why you posted?

you’ve obviously already decided that he’s ok, a better dad than your own children’s father, and you’ll carry on seeing him.

I guess the only advice anyone can give that you’ll hopefully listen to, is double up on contraception.