Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

Thank you tootstastic. I’ve been gardening this afternoon, hate it but necessary. My neighbour (who is in contact with H) popped his head over the fence to ask how I was doing. I said I was doing really well and thanked him for asking. He asked if there was anything he could help with and just then my son appeared and said “aw thanks for the offer ????? but that’s what I’m here for, we can manage between us”.

We then put the Bluetooth speaker in the garden and made a show of enjoying ourselves.

I might fall apart once I’m on my own in the privacy of the house, but I’ll give the impression I’m doing fine if it kills me 😬.

Well done lily and your son sounds great! I'm sure that little nugget of info will make its way back to H. Well they do say 'fake it, 'til you make it' don't they?!

Fake it til you make it. Ha ha tootstastic

Also my son’s dad is having a BBQ tomorrow, his wife’s away for the weekend with friends, it’s the usual crew, the majority of them went to Benidorm last weekend. H isn’t invited because my son and his 2 friends wouldn’t go if he was going to be there.

Looks as though the Benidorm trip may have been a one off.

H will be absolutely gutted 😜

Hang in there ..., you're doing great. Such early days.
But as for the OW. Like you say
H is 100 percent responsible ( for his bit ) and OW is 100 percent for her bit.
Don't know why people don't get that lol.
But also if OW's don't make them self available to married men, then things would be different. They always have a choice.
You will get through this xx

Oh good, his new name should be Billy no mates

OP, of course you are still hurt. Indifference happens when the hurt goes. You can't rush or fast forward this my love.
But you're still standing, you are putting one foot in front of the other and, well, to quote my dear departed gran, 'this too shall pass.'
Early days, you're doing well. Ride it out, acknowledge your feelings, accept them as part of the process of healing, but don't overthink them.

Morning.

Dard. Do you mind my asking how long you were married/together and how long since you split.

I’m trying to fathom how long I’m going to have these sad days. I seem to miss H far more at weekends as we always did something together on either Saturday or Sunday. I know I can get out and do stuff if I want to, but I still miss his company. I get that I’m missing him as he was and not as he is now, but it’s still so tough.

I am doing my best not to think too far ahead but when I do, I have horrendous panic attacks.

I know I’m stressed at the moment as my fibromyalgia has flared up and every part of me hurts today. That gets me down as it stops me from doing anything particularly physical.

I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself today as you’ll gather and when I feel like this I can’t imagine ever feeling okay again 😢

I sent you pm lilyx

I'm glad you're still hanging in there and taking it day by day.

Enjoy your time and BBQ with your sons and friends.

Thank you BewareOfDragons.

I wasn’t invited to the BBQ though, it was a men only event unfortunately.

I was just smug H wasn’t invited either!

Hi there.

Sorry you were feeling sad this morning, How did your day turn out after all ? Do you feel any better?

Hi Bluntness

Yes I’m feeling a little better this evening thanks.

I seem to be okay then something jumps into my mind and I just plummet and feel absolutely hopeless.

I’m sure it’s normal to feel up and down like this, I just wish I could flick a switch and feel all better 😔

I think it is fairly normal, shit but normal...

At least you feel a little better this evening though. I'd have a glass of wine in the garden..if you've good weather! Little treats and all that,,,😁

Was following your last thread, one day at a time Lily, there will come a time when you realise you haven't thought of him, or her, for days, then weeks.

Any plans for tomorrow? Its weekends/bank holidays that sting a bit and make my mind drift to the past. I read alot too. Hope your aches and pains arent too bad.

Hi BettyBaggins. Thanks for the post.

No, haven’t any plans for tomorrow but if the weather is nice again I’ll sit in the garden and read.

Yes, weekends and bank holidays are difficult but I feel better if I’m able to sit outside and read, far nicer than being cooped up in the house.

Fingers crossed for another nice day 🤞

It's looking good here Lily, sunny, though I am still in bed with . I do so love not sharing a bed!

BettyBaggins. Yes I have to say I love having the bed to myself too.

Glorious weather here this morning so I’m going to sit outside and read my book. Have just started a new one.

I tidied my garden yesterday (was always H’s job) and it’s looking quite nice so I’m quite proud of myself. It’s so nice as it isn’t overlooked so really peaceful. H put a huge amount of work into it towards the end of last summer, shame he’s not reaping the benefit 😜.

Jug of Pimms maybe?

Well.....today has been a 10 steps back day.

I’ve cried for the past 3 hours and consequently I look like hell now. My face is swollen and blotchy.

I swear if he’d turned up today, I’d have taken him back I feel that low.

It’s torture thinking that they’re both happily living their life together and I’m in pieces.

I normally speak to my friend each evening but I’ve texted her to say I can’t even speak at the moment.

I really can’t imagine ever feeling anything like normal again, let alone happy 😢

Hi Lily,

I followed your last thread but never commented as you were getting such good support already. I've just seen this one and jumped to your last post to see how you were doing....

So sorry you are feeling low, but I just felt like I needed to say...I think you sound fab, really really amazing! And the more you reveal about your BH (bastard husband), he just sounds like an absolute pillock. I have this image of this lovely classy woman (you) and an idiot gym freak who probably has really skinny legs (please confirm if I am right or wrong on this) and was punching well above his weight.

You are surpised he's gone for someone like her, but he's probably playing in his own league now!

I absolutely cannot wait for the day you realise how much better you are than him and go on to be happy and even though it doesn't feel like it now, I am so certain it will happen in the not too distant future

xx

Thank you Stinkachoo. He doesn’t have skinny legs actually as he doesn’t miss leg day at the gym. You’re right that he’s a bastard and a pillock though!

If it wasn’t for me he never would have progressed to where he is now in his career, something he’ll readily admit. Hasn’t done me any good though has it, as OW now seems to be reaping the rewards as opposed to me.

I don’t think I’ve been as heartbroken as I have today since just after he left.

I’m so miserable I really can’t envisage looking forward to anything again. It’s as though H has just handed OW what I thought was going to be my life.

Of course you feel rubbish and have cried most of the day, you've been kicked hard and had your life tipped upside down. No matter how you slice it, this is the shitty phase.

But it will pass and it will change and you will emerge stronger and with new purpose.

It takes time, but thankfully that you have.

Is he and the OW happy while you feel so wretched? Doubt it. Sounds like a chaotic setup rife with pitfalls.

Totally silly suggestion, but when I went through a massive upheaval years ago, I binge watched the drama Cold Feet. Having a new episode or two every night really helped. Complete distraction. Maybe find something similar? My friend did The West Wing when her husband died. Swore it got her through.

Thank you Sunflowers. I’ll have a look for something to watch 😘

Have you watched Keeping Faith? Not sure if it's still available on BBC iPlayer, but it was really good.

No Agatha. I haven’t heard of that. I’ll have a look for it. Thank you x