Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

Hope you enjoyed the footie Lily.

Please don't feel humiliated! It's all on him, not you. Agree that he's trying his best to look like he's got the most amazing life ever and so is desperately trying to show off on social media.

I have been trying very hard to imagine a skinny blonde David Walliams in a dress!
Lily help me out, long hair or short, straight or curly?

My current imaginings are not good.

Opportunity. I enjoyed the football very much, absolutely delighted they won.

Hazel. She’s got shoulder length layered hair but usually worn up. A very heavy fringe. Her hair looks as though it’s probably naturally mid brown with blonde streaks (more yellow actually). Her eye make up is really black, sort of like Dusty Springfield’s eye make up in the 60’s but she’s not as nice looking as Dusty.

She’s so painfully thin her head looks really big - lollipop head! Also, she looks as though her boobs are like spaniel’s ears.

I’ve just had a message via FB from a lady I used to work with and she’d seen the photos and said she looks like a junkie, she then asked if she’s perhaps ill.

I’ve heard from a few people she’s a big drinker so who knows, she could well be a junkie.

My son rang earlier, to express his horror at the tattoo and he said XH is looking fuller in the face. He said it could be that he’s stopped the gym or he’s still on the steroids.

I absolutely know I’m well out of it. At least he’ll never be able to accuse me of causing them any grief, he’s done it all by himself.

Oh my goodness, she sounds pretty horrendous. What horrible people. You've acted with such dignity throughout. Why would he put you through this? They both deserve what's inevitably coming to them.

I absolutely know I’m well out of it. At least he’ll never be able to accuse me of causing them any grief, he’s done it all by himself.

And there we have it ........ you have reached your moment - that lightbulb, that realisation. Lilly you really are better off without him. You are 1000 % better off. Sending you 🍷🍷🍰🍰🌹🌷🌻🌼🌸🎆🎆🎉🎉🎊🎊🌞🌞🙋🙋💃💃👯👯

Ha ha thanks Namethecat. So many cheery emojis.

Interesting that you say he was(is) on steroids. Aren't they mind altering ?

Mind numbing more like 😂

I obviously don’t know he’s still taking them, it could be he’s packed the gym in and has been drinking, so has put on weight.

My mind is just mashed at the person he seems to have become. He bears no resemblance to the man I was married to.

Hi Lily, you need to just concentrate upon you now, don't let them make you ill with all the worrying and second guessing. I'm sure good things are going to come your way. You acted with such dignity when your heart was breaking. That is magnificent! I really admire you and I hope that now the worst has happened you can start to turn your life around to what it should be. The OH and OW are going to end up ina bad place.

Thanks Opportunitynox

Yes, I’ve just said to a friend, I’ve decided I had the best of him and OW has effectively got my leftovers.

I know how much stronger I am now than 4 months ago. I’m just trying to get through every day until I reach the point that I don’t care one way or the other what they’re doing. Indifference, that’s my aim.

It’s just a case of KOKO 😊

What a pillock with all his posturing, the only one humiliated is himself. Wonder what his DCs think of his behaviour.

Keep remembering your words Lily.....
Yes, I’ve just said to a friend, I’ve decided I had the best of him and OW has effectively got my leftovers

Just to put it out there. I’ve decided I want a “semi detached” relationship with Martin Shaw.

Any help would be greatly appreciated 😉

Hey Lily, hope someone will come along and oblige. You are so much stronger now than you were at the beginning of this debacle. I know I would still be such a blubbering idiot so, if this ever happened to me, I would take such great strength from your stance. Wow Lily, do you actually know just how strong you are? x

Thank you so much Opportunitynox that’s really lovely.

I’m just watching “The Second Best Marigold Hotel* and and now swooning over Richard Gere - I’m very fickle, Martin Shaw is a distant memory.

I’m not sure I would describe myself as strong, I have some really shitty days, but I think I’m definitely more positive of late.

Obviously I meant EH, not OH. Sorry. Idiot.

You're defintely getting stronger, the person posting now is not the one who was posting a few weeks ago, you're bouncing back faster, things like holidays or tattoos would have floored you weeks ago, now you wobble, yes you cry get upset, but then you say fuck it and move on.

It is what it is Lilly and he is what he is. You can't change it, he's made some major life changing decisions, ones that he will either find to be right or bitterly regret, either way, you're better off out of it. And part of you should pity her and what she's hooked up to. Because from what you've posted, this is a very shallow, self centred man, and no one needs that.

Bluntness. Yep, spot on 👍😘

Hear, hear Bluntness.......he is indeed a very shallow and self-centred man and lily needs him like a hole in the head!

Lily, I think even without the affair, he's in such a different place in his own head that he would have made your life miserable had he stayed. He somehow wants to re-live his youth, which just isn't possible when you approach your 60s. Emotional maturity is the thing that would normally stop a man of this age behaving like this....he just doesn't seem to have any, which is worrying.

Even the full sleeve tattoos would seem ridiculous to most men of his age. There is something very amiss here. Perhaps he feels that somehow he missed out on his youth and is trying to make up for it? Was he damaged as a child? Whatever it is, he's not behaving rationally, but thank goodness, he is no longer your problem.

You are better than this emotionally small man lily and you will rise above this shit that he attempts to throw at you and will be much stronger for it.

Shaking my pom poms...apologising now for any typos and philosophising...it may be due to being out for cocktails until nearly 3am with my lovely friends. Chin chin I've always wanted to use that emoji and that one. Cheers all, night lily x

Morning everyone

Toots. Yes perhaps I should have seen the decision to start having tattoos aged 53, as a warning something was amiss.

After discovering her name tattoo yesterday, I’ve wracked my brains trying to think if he’d perhaps met her sooner than he admitted to me but I honestly can’t imagine when he’d have been able to see her. It was only from mid January this year that his demeanour changed. That’s when he began going to the gym straight from work and went on a few nights out (apparently with people from the gym I don’t know).

I genuinely think he did meet her on 25 November last year, so to get a tattoo of her name after knowing her 7 months and living with her for 4 months is shocking.

Apparently the lads on the WhatsApp group chat were all taking the piss and laughing, saying he’s totally lost it!

I had so many messages yesterday from people I know, saying what the hell is he thinking.

I’ve no clue, his behaviour is just bizarre.

How did he meet her Lilly?

Bluntness. He met her in a local bar. He’d gone in there at the end of a lad’s night out as it’s open til 3 am. The bar has a reputation as a pick up place for over 40’s. Needless to say I’ve never been to it.

I knew him and a couple of the others would occasionally go there after a night out but it didn’t really worry me as I’d never had any reason not to trust him. Plus the fellas he was with were my family.

It seems the relationship was largely conducted via WhatsApp messages (these don’t appear on mobile phone bill) until mid January.

Ok, is it the same bar you've previously referred to that she frequents?

If so, and he occasionally frequented it also, is it possible they met earlier there, and all he lied about was the date?

Yes he may have met her earlier but prior to January his routine was the same so he wouldn’t really have had many opportunities to meet up with her. I suppose it could have started as them WhatsApp messaging. You can make phone calls and messages via WhatsApp and they’re untraceable.

I know it’s irrelevant when the relationship began, its just me trying to make sense of his bizarre behaviour.

Yeah, I get that, it's the one anomaly, to be living together if they only met up a hand full of times.

It's not impossible but it's unlikely and unusual.

It is more likely he told you a half truth and downplayed how long it had been going on, but was honest about where they met. He probably did it to save your feelings, or out of guilt.

It doesn't matter though. It is what it is. It doesn't matter if it had been two weeks or two years. It's done now and to be quite honest, he's been a complete arse about it since he left.