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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Starting over after 25 years

975 replies

Lily007 · 19/05/2018 14:13

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Sunflowersforever · 02/07/2018 16:59

@Budesonide

Ever get the feeling people are waving goodbye, not saying hello?

Budesonide · 02/07/2018 17:03

Hehe - damned autocorrect Grin

tootstastic · 02/07/2018 17:08

@Budesonide I was referring to the posters who appeared to be being deliberately provocative on a thread that had been ticking along quite nicely for a couple of months and where lily has felt free to air her thoughts and feelings without judgement or argument. By cheerleaders I was referring to the kind and thoughtful regular posters who have supported Lily and quite rightly pointed out where posters were being unfair to her.

I'm not really sure why you'd want to split hairs by posting about cheating sometimes being ok. This thread might be on a public forum, but it's clearly become a very personal one for Lily and is, almost exclusively, full of regular posters rooting for a brilliant next chapter in her life.

Budesonide · 02/07/2018 17:13

Long running threads often have discussions in them prompted by their content - it's what happens.

AgathaF · 02/07/2018 17:17

Some people just don't know when to stop posting. Shame that....

Original poster
Lily007 · 02/07/2018 18:04

Budesonline. I’d really prefer you to refrain from further posts. Your posts aren’t helpful to me and, for some inexplicable, reason you seem intent on being difficult.

I don’t think there are ANY instances/situations where cheating is acceptable. If someone isn’t happy in a marriage/relationship they should leave, it really is that simple.

Cheating is not a mistake, it’s a choice.

Now I hope you’ll do the decent thing and retire from this thread.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 02/07/2018 18:08

I think maybe Budesonide isn't really meaning that cheating, per se is acceptable, but perhaps that there are sometimes reasons behind someone cheating that onlookers might not perceive?

I still stand by the fact that the first recourse, on feeling you might be driven to cheat, is to get out of your relationship and be honest with your partner, not try to keep both parties happy. That's not just skullduggery, it's downright dishonesty.

But, anyway...

Bluntness100 · 02/07/2018 19:49

I'm not even sure what this bun fight is for. I don't think anyone would dispute it's better to end a marriage than simply cheat.i think it's also recognised that sometimes that's not always as easy as it sounds, or there may be reasons people cheat.

It's seems it's a theoretical discussion/bunfight really.

I'm not sure about rhe cheerleaders sarky comment though. what's that all about? Confused

Budesonide · 02/07/2018 20:24

tootstastic referred to posters being 'seen off' by the OP's 'cheerleaders'

Sunflowersforever · 02/07/2018 20:47

Budesonline. I’d really prefer you to refrain from further posts. Your posts aren’t helpful to me and, for some inexplicable, reason you seem intent on being difficult.

Op has politely asked you to jog on, yet you keep posting. Yup, you're that sort of attention seeking person.

So weird.

Original poster
Lily007 · 02/07/2018 21:16

I’ve had a rubbish day today but I’m almost reluctant to admit it for fear Budesonide reproaches me.

I feel like I should be saying “hey everyone my husband left me after 23 years for a woman he’d known 3 months but he must have had a good reason, he just felt he couldn’t tell me about it!”

OP posts:
butterbeansandbreadcrumbs · 02/07/2018 21:26

What happened today, Lily? Just an off day or did something trigger bad feelings? ThanksWine

Sunflowersforever · 02/07/2018 21:33

When you're down the last thing you need is to feel kicked in what was and still can be your safe place.

Vent. Say how you feel. Better out than in. It's ridiculous to think you can shake this off. It will take time.

Original poster
Lily007 · 02/07/2018 21:42

Just been feeling jittery and anxious all day. No particular reason.

I’m sure I’ll be fine again tomorrow 🤞

OP posts:
butterbeansandbreadcrumbs · 02/07/2018 21:54

Pop on your favourite box set and pour a glass of wine until it passes WineHope tomorrow is better for you. You've come so far Star

Original poster
Lily007 · 02/07/2018 21:57

Thanks butterbean will do.

Just feeling a bit sorry for myself today 😔

OP posts:
butterbeansandbreadcrumbs · 02/07/2018 22:07

You have come so far. Remember that. You're allowed to feel sad, you're allowed to feel sorry for yourself. But read back through some of your earlier posts and contrast them with your recent ones. You've got this Star

Original poster
Lily007 · 02/07/2018 22:32

Yes I know. I’m just feeling down in the dumps 😔

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 02/07/2018 22:33

You honestly shouldn't care what Budesonide or anyone else has to say, if it's not helpful. You have plenty of support on here. Please don't be put off from saying how it really is for you. Thanks

Budesonide · 02/07/2018 23:07

@Sunflowersforever Bluntness asked a question. I answered it.

Bluntness100 · 02/07/2018 23:10

Ah can we move this back to normal now please?

Lilly shouldn't be worried to post her feelings for fear of being reproached...

tootstastic · 03/07/2018 07:22

Sorry to hear you had a bad day yest lily. Those kind of days are getting fewer, but must still be tough to deal with.

Do you have anything nice planned with your son or your friend to look forward to? I was thinking it might help to fill your diary up a bit, so you are not on your own with your lovely dog quite so much. Anything: cinema dates, walks in the park, coffees etc, or are you doing much of that already?

Is work bearable? Are you in a rhythm with it now, or are you having to drag yourself there?

These super sunny days are glorious, but can have the effect of making one think that everyone else is out having a marvellous time and it's easy to feel lonely. And it's only natural that the thought of your original holiday date looming will be making you think.

Please don't worry about posting here, It's still very much your place!

Thebluedog · 03/07/2018 08:09

Sorry to gear you had a bad day Lily, prob not helped by the comments on here.... just ignoring the them in future Flowers hope you have a better day today

Original poster
Lily007 · 03/07/2018 09:14

Morning all

Ready for work now. toots I absolutely hate it 😫. It’s fairly local though so not a great distance to travel. We’re also going through a huge restructure so lots of redundancies in the pipeline. I’m not dwelling on that at the minute though 🙄

I think because my cancelled holiday date is looming I’m feeling quite sad but I’ll get over it I’m sure.

I’m meeting up with a friend on Friday evening and I’m going out shopping with another friend on Saturday so the weekend isn’t looking too bad 😬

I wish I could stop myself from obsessing that XH and OW are going to go on holiday though. I haven’t even any foundation for these thoughts, it’s as though I torture myself.

Here’s hoping being in work today might take my mind off things, at least for a few hours.

OP posts:
tootstastic · 03/07/2018 09:28

Ah...it's a shame about your job. Would redundancy be an option for you? Get a chunk of dosh and time to find a job you love?

Great that you have friends with you this weekend. I know it's difficult not to let the holiday thing play on your mind. I would turn that around and think of the comedy aspect to amuse yourself. Her: overdressed in stilettos everyday, getting pissed and in fights around the pool in true 'Benidorm' style and coming on to all the young, hot waiters. Him: In too-tight speedos showing off his tats and telling all and sundry about his old gym regime and weight loss and desperately trying to make some new friends Grin