Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

Aw thank you 😘

Bloody hell lily, your usually lovely and supportive thread appears to have attracted some rather determined undesirables!! It's hard to imagine why anyone would want to give you a hard time for just trying your best to rebuild your life.

Great to see all your regular cheerleaders seeing them off though!

Hi toots. Yep been a rough few days 😬.

Hope you’re having a lovely holiday 😘

Lovely holiday thank you lily!

You're doing the right thing not letting the negativity get to you though. You've come such a long way in 16 weeks.

And I loved your comment about you probably ending up happier that him. You couldn't have even conceived that thought a couple of months ago. I'd bet my bottom dollar that'll be the case too.

Thanks toots

Have a lovely time 😘

Could you go away somewhere on your own Lily?! Something to look forward to and I'm sure you would have a good time

Mmmm beefcake. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to go away on my own 😬.

Also, I can’t really afford to pay for a holiday at the moment.

Not to take away from your pain, but I envy you. I really do.

You've been given a hard shake that will ultimately force you to dig deep and find out who you are and what you want. You will meet new people and have new experiences that would've been missed. You don't know what the future will bring, and how scary that must be, but also how exciting too.

It may not feel like it right now, but you've been given a chance to grow and discover and have an honest connection with someone else when you're ready.

It will all come good.

How about a weekend away by yourself when you feel ready? Not as long as a week if you’re not feeling very brave & it won’t be as expensive. I felt really empowered when I went away for a week by myself during a very difficult time in my life. I hate flying & almost got off the plane lol, as I’d always had someone to hold my hand, but I managed it & it was a brilliant holiday. I thought it would feel strange, but it was actually liberating & I enjoyed choosing which restaurants to go to & which excursions & activities to do. I also met some lovely people.

I think sunflowers is right - it may not feel it right now, but your life is full of possibilities & this is an opportunity to grow & discover who you are.

I agree with sunflowers

Do you ever miss your social media accounts, Lily? Would you consider dipping your toe back in there or are you enjoying the peace away from it? (I don't have SM at all).

Morning.

butterbeans. I reactivated my FB and IG accounts a couple of weeks ago. XH can’t see my posts and I can’t see his so still NC although we both follow a few mutual friends but that doesn’t really affect me.

Sunflowers and Pixie. I don’t feel confident enough at the moment to go away by myself. Perhaps I might consider it a little later in the year.

Morning Lily

Wow I can see how far you’re coming along with the activation of social media, good for you!! you’ll still have the occasional knock back remember, but you will bounce back so much quicker and stronger

Thanks Thebluedog

Yes I appreciate I’m going to have set backs. As I’ve said I expect I’ll hear he’s gone on holiday with OW in the next week or so and that’ll upset me but I’ll just have to deal with it.

I feel much better in myself now so hopefully I’m headed in the right direction.

Wow, what a lot of unnecessarily unpleasant posts over the last few days. I'm glad to see you've not been too upset by them Lily.

You might find that news of them on holiday won't hit you as hard as you think, since you're expecting it and will have already processed it to a point. Anyway, just because they go away together, doesn't mean they have a nice time together.

Hi Agatha

Ha ha, yes there’s been a few fairly unpleasant posts over the last few days, but hey “sticks and stones”!

Yes, because I’m expecting them to go on holiday, if they do go, maybe it won’t upset me as much as if it were a complete surprise.

Hope for the best but expect the worst 😬

And if they do go on holiday together when you were supposed to go with him - doesn't that just prove that he's incapable of any form of imaginative thought? That he's just going about his normal business, but neatly replacing you with OW? Rather than thinking, 'this was a holiday that Lily and I had planned, so maybe OW might prefer to do something different, possibly a week in Blackpool?''

@FuckItPassMeTheWine the statement made by the OP wasn't that cheaters usually cheat again it was that cheaters always cheat - not the same thing and it only takes one example to disprove. I'm not saying cheaters never cheat again, just that some don't.

You'll also find via Google that psychologists have identified several categories of affair such as 'exit affair', 'just sex' and so on, can't remember them all. One is 'mind & body' and is the most likely to cause the permanent end of the original primary relationship (by the unfaithful partner) and the forming of a new long term primary relationship with the affair partner in which they are faithful.

I'm not suggesting that this is the case with the OP's situation at all, I'm just saying that stating 'once a cheat, always a cheat' as fact is wrong.

And @tootstastic if you were referring to me, I've not been 'seen off' by anyone. Nor will I be. The OP has posted on a public forum and this thread is being read by many, many people. I won't leave misleading comments unchallenged just because the OP doesn't like it (or her cheerleaders).

@Budesonide I don't see why you found it necessary to attack the OP for her comment. Okay, it obviously isn't always true that 'once a cheat always a cheat', and no doubt the OP knows it isn't always true. She's allowed to exaggerate at a time when she's coming to terms with her DH, whom she really loved, doing the dirty on her. Just what do you gain in telling her it's not true, apart from kicking her when she's down??

As already explained, there are a lot of other people reading this thread, as there will be in the future. I doubt I'll be influencing the OP, nor is that my intention.

Budesonide - I think a little hyperbole can be forgiven in the circumstances though, don't you? Anger and grief can make even the most saintly of us exaggerate.

And, really, it' doesn't matter the reason for the cheating. The decent thing to do, if one is unhappy in a relationship, is to tell the other partner, so that they can either work with you to try to fix it, or be involved in the winding up of the relationship. Rather than sleeping with somone else and presenting it as a 'done deal' to your partner.

Cheating is never the right thing to do. Communicating is.

Budesonline. I’m not saying it applies to everyone who cheats BUT I’ve read numerous articles, blogs etc., which state if someone does it once they’re LIKELY to do it again.

However in the spirit of compromise, I’ll put it another way “once a cheater MAYBE always a cheater” 😜.

Thanks Zaph spot on 😊

You're not trying to influence the OP, so I take it that your intention is to be goady and unkind? That's quite childish really.

Don't conflagrate saying not all cheaters always cheat again with saying cheating is the right thing to do (though possibly it is in very extreme circumstances). It's understandable in some circumstances though (to me anyway) despite it not being right. Communication can be very difficult for many reasons.

You mean conflate. Not conflagrate. Although this thread certainly is on fire today!