Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

Lily could you plan some things to look forward to to take your mind off your ex and OW? I think the distraction would help as the more you're at home alone the more you will dwell on them and what they're doing and that's not helping. Why don't you use this recent upset as motivation to go to one of the meetup events or look into a weekend away? If you're busy doing something sociable you will not be thinking about your ex and his skanky sidekick.

He sounds a nasty, callous bastard, and you honestly are well rid. You might not think so now, but you are. He hasn't even given his dog a backward glance, either. I hope the old saying "act in haste, repent at leisure" applies to him.

OohOohMrPeevly. I had my weekend all mapped out. Out today with my friend and then some shopping later (which I didn’t do due to my wobble!). I’m going to my DS and DIL’s tomorrow for Sunday lunch.

ListenToTheWords. I have to admit your description of XH made me smile.

My mum used to say “God doesn’t pay his debts in money”. Here’s hoping.

Lily, you have more going for you in your baby toenail, than he has in his whole body. Just you hold your head up high and show the world that you are doing great (even if you feel like collapsing with the sadness of it all). Fake it till you make it.

I hope you get to see your mum's saying come true.

Thank you Listen. I’ll try ☺️

Lily, he has to 'flaunt' it and rub it in so that he convinces himself it's worth it... he threw away decades of marriage so he has to keep up appearances of it being really great and fun... even if that's not reality. And hurting you is just part of this bargain he has to keep

Hi all.

I’m off to my son’s in an hour to watch football and a BBQ. That’ll stop me from feeling so sorry for myself.

Feeling slightly less wobbly than I did yesterday and hopefully getting out of the house will do me good.

Thanks again for all the really supportive posts, I really appreciate it 😘

Well it's a lovely sunny day and England are in the lead (so far), so I hope you are feeling much better. You do seem to be shrugging off the setbacks a lot faster these days.

Enjoy the sun, the BBQ and (if possible) the football!

In many ways, it is like a recovery from a major operation. Takes time to heal and sometimes progress can be slow, but everyday you get a little bit stronger.

Hi Lily , I just want to say that you’re amazing , for what it’s worth I think your ex sounds like a shit head and the ow deplorable .

I’ve recently been dumped by my ex partner very shortly after a miscarriage , we’d only been together a year but I’m literally so upset , your posts give me inspiration as I can’t imagine your pain after spending the amount of time together that you had.

Stay strong , you’re fab! Xx

Aw FuckitPassMeTheWine tried to shorten your user name but it looked as though I was being nasty 😂😂

When you’re heartbroken after a one year relationship or after a 25 year relationship, it’s still pain and you have my sympathy. I assume you’re still fairly young so I’m sure you’ll find someone who deserves you.

Apparently a bloke XH goes to gym with (he’s a lechorous old tosser) commented on the hot tub photo “hey ??? is that your new squeeze”, XH replied “sure is pal”. Really!!!!!! I’ve seen the photo today, I asked my friend to send it to me, and there’s nothing remotely new about OW.

XH looks as rough as a bears arse, she looks even worse and they’re holding a bottle of lager each. XH is leaning in towards her and has pushed all the skin on top of her arm so it’s all wrinkled. Honestly, I would never have allowed him to share the photo if it were me.

My son had seen the photo a few weeks ago as one of the lads put it on the WhatsApp group chat and he said “oh dear that’s scary”, he was referring to OW. He also said all the other lads on the chat were taking the piss out of XH (he’s no longer included on their chat). Apparently their comments weren’t too complimentary. XH looks to have put on weight too 🙈

A friend refers to them as Wayne and Waynetta Slob 😂

I swear the more I see and hear, I think my husband has been abducted by aliens and replaced by a chav!!!

and there’s nothing remotely new about OW

Ha, you actually made me chuckle there. 🤣

They were both probably drunk when he posted it, I'd ignore it.

Yes Bluntness they probably were drunk.

It seems he isn’t going to the gym very often these days and that his weekends with OW are just piss ups. I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t like him going to the gym as she won’t be able to trust him.

When I was at my son’s yesterday I told him I’d seen XH and OW in the car on Saturday. My son said he’s certain he’ll have seen me, probably panicked so deliberately didn’t look at me, coward!

I’m feeling okay today which, again, shows even when something does upset me, I get over it much sooner now than perhaps I would have a few weeks ago.

Going to sit out in the garden now and read my book ☀️😊

His lovely gym-honed figure is going to go to hell with all that alcohol and no exercising it off! Wonder if he's still bothering with the steroids?

I'd kind of pity OW in a way. She thought she'd bagged herself a hotty, but it turns out she's got another boozed up middle aged bloke who can't even be faithful. What, A. Catch.

Glad you are bouncing back Lily. Be careful out there today, that sun is scorching!

Hi Zaph. You’re right about the heat today, I’ve had come inside to cool off.

I can’t see he’ll be taking the steroids as there’s little point if he’s not working out.

I don’t pity OW, she deserves everything she gets. It looks as though she’s already dragged him down to her level and I’ll take great pleasure in gloating when I eventually do see him.

Apparently over the past couple of weeks he’s been posting photos from a year ago of him with the lads. My son said none of the lads comment or like the posts. Looks as though he’s missing being part of the group - aw bless him lol 😉

My son and his friends and family have a big night out planned on 7 July and they’ll all post photos on Instagram, that’ll be another punch in the gut for him.

Ah well you can please yourself as long as you can stand the consequences 😊

Hi there, how's it going today?

I think you're totally right, he's missing his social circle, he's posting pics to remind them of him and the fun they had.

If you think about it, she must have a social life,so she won't want to give that up for him, whatever she is shes not some clingy teenager. So if she goes out, what he either comes too or sits there at her home alone?

It must be very weird, they basically were living together before they hardly knew each other. At some point the honey moon/novelty period wears off and you're faced with the reality of who the other person is.

There is a high chance the cracks are starting to show.

Hi Bluntness

I’m not too bad thanks. I seem to be handling any shocks and surprises better now. Things I see or hear still upset me but don’t devastate me. That’s progress I suppose.

Funny you should mention OW still having nights out. I was told by someone today that she still goes to the dive where he met her most weekends minus XH!

If I’m to believe the stories I’ve heard she’ll probably have someone else on the go soon.

Now that would just serve him bloody right ☺️

It would indeed,,,and he must be just sitting at her home alone without her, that can't feel good,,,so what he spends Saturday afternoon sitting on her stall like some clingy kid then she fucks off out at night and leaves him to it? No wonder he's posting photos of what he used to do.

And although we don't know you I think it's blindingly obvious to everyone you are adjusting much faster now. We knew you would,,,😁

Couldn’t have put it better myself 😊

Thanks Bluntness

*If I’m to believe the stories I’ve heard she’ll probably have someone else on the go soon.

Now that would just serve him bloody right*

I used to work in a pub and trust me pubs are full of men like your ex, who left their marriages for a bit on the side and when it's all over there's nothing left for them to do except sit nursing a beer every night, whilst moaning to the bar staff and other losers who made the same mistake. It's a lonely life as like your ex when they leave their wives they lose their friends too.

happiness. Here’s hoping 😉

happiness Don't forget the stained vest and the Pot Noodles!

I used to suffer from 'grass is greener' syndrome a little, when I was younger. Now I am older and friends are starting to suffer from life-altering (and limiting) illnesses, there's a dawning realisation that actually sometimes comfortable is good. It sounds like Lily's XH is still stuck in the rather juvenile stage of 'if it's new, it must be better'.

He'll learn. Hope you're doing better now, Lily in all this glorious weather! Your life will even out and become smooth and untramelled, while his will consist of some rather frantic ups and downs as he tries to justify his leaving.

All of his troubles will come home to roost, don't you worry about that Lily. I wouldn't be surprised if he's already having some 'oh shit' moments

Something tells me the OW isn't as accommodating of his wants and needs...

I guess the key thing is for you to bounce back with a life you are happy and content in :) living well will be the best revenge for someone who threw away so much... he will live to regret it and the good thing is you don't even have to lift a finger

Hi Zaph and Asleep

I imagine he will, at some stage, realise just what he’s given up and will, hopefully, come back to earth with a bump.

A mutual friend apparently saw him quite recently and told me he looks to have put weight on and a little jaded.

Hey Zaph maybe the stained vest and pot noodle is looming. Oh I do hope so 😜

The bar OW frequents some weekends is a a well known pick up place full of “single” over 40’s. Can you imagine what goes through his mind that she still goes there without him!

Him ending up completely on his own would serve him right although, given the sacrifices he’s made to be with her, I’m sure he’ll cling on as long as possible.

Yes, I agree, I think he's got himself mixed up with someone very independent and strong willed from what you describe lilly. Single parent, financially self sufficient, frequents some rough places, heavily made up, still keeping her social life separate, got a temper on her and will resort to physical violence if she feels like it.

This isn't some simpering needy woman grateful for the attention. I'm not complimenting her, be very clear there, just stating the type.

I also don't think she will be overly accommodating either.

He has no friends, no home of his own, likely skint, following her around on a Saturday, left alone whilst she goes out, posting shit from long past on social media.

Also as rhis relationship is only a few months old, she won't be overly emotionally invested in it. He's given up a lot. She's given up nothing except space in her home.

Who knows it may last, but I just can't see how this is all love and laughter for him. Not even slightly. There has to be moments where he is sitting thinking "what have I done".