Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

Yes Zaph Bluntness is right.

I’m not feeling too bad today actually. I seem to bounce back sooner now so that’s progress.

He’s just a knob. I really can’t imagine what’s in his mind to keep posting on IG. Apparently, one evening they were out somewhere and he posted about 8 photographs just showing every round of drinks. It’s pretty pathetic really.

Sounds like he wants everyone to be impressed with him and his activities. I guess like the steroids, the tattoos, the fancy car, the big house, his social media obsession.

Was he like that? Wanted to impress people? That other people's opinions were important to him? A show off?

Sadly for him in this instance he's judged it very wrong. If others opinions are important to him, then he's not going to like everyone thinking badly of him.

Yes Bluntness he’s always been quite a show off. I used to rein him in very often.

I’ve just been chatting to a friend on the phone, her mum runs a cheese stall on the same market where OW’s stall is. Apparently XH very often sits at the stall all afternoon if she works on Saturday.

I’ve been absolutely pissing myself laughing that he’s been reduced to spending his Saturdays sitting at a market stall because he’s got nobody but her now.

How the mighty have fallen 😊

Still so shocking that his life has changed such direction in a matter of months. It's just beyond madness. I can't even begin to think how a person can process that amount of change without being really stressed. Such disruption.

Perhaps he has just shut all emotions off. Who knows!

Sunflowers. I hope he’s stressed to hell. Serves him bloody well right.

She works on an indoor market hall (it’s her mother’s stall not hers) and it’s pretty run down. They sell artificial flowers, plastic buddhas and I’m told they’re currently selling white cowboy hats with the St George flag on for the World Cup!! It’s in the next town to where our house is and I don’t think he’s set foot in it before now for at least 20 years.

Obviously his opinion has changed now. I might go for a little meander myself tomorrow 😜

Hi Lily, glad to see you are bouncing back quicker from having a bad day.

What an immature man he sounds posting photos to get a reaction .... As you said how the mighty have fallen. You can hold your head up high at how you have coped

God he sits on her stall all Saturday afternoon. That's going to get old very fast for both of them.

And yes, the more you described it the more I thought he sounded like someone who cared too much about what others thought, who wanted to impress and show off. It will be what's driving his social media behaviour. It's not about you, its not even about her, it's all about him. The fact everyone thinks he's behaving like a tosser can't be going down well at all.

I'm guessing stubborn as well. That's why he posted more incendiary stuff when he got back from Benidorm. Because he was told it was wrong, so he did it more.

Honestly, you're better off out of it.

Oh Bluntness I know I’m better off out of it.

He’s clearly gone into meltdown.

I think he probably assumed going on the Benidorm trip was his way back with the lads. Unfortunately for him that wasn’t the case.

I can’t tell you how bloody smug I feel at the moment.

I suspect his life will unravel and it’ll serve him right.

If he knew how much I know about his sad little life he’d be absolutely furious but as they say “revenge is a dish best served cold” and I can wait 😉

Oh dear lily he really is scraping the bottom of the barrel isn't he?! My goodness, you are better off out of it and I'm pleased you see that now.

It appears he is on a path of self-destruction, but he won't admit it, so he posts the naff and embarrassing 'celebrating life' and hot tub pictures to try and show he really is having a brilliant time. Believe me, he isn't. He doth protest a little too much!!

People won't me thinking ill of you in all this, they will just be in disbelief that he would risk you and your lovely life for what he has now. it doesn't reflect badly on you at all, just show him to be the dick he is. He is so low rent, he won't even be on your radar soon.

Just concentrate on making your life the very best it can be now. That is the best revenge you could ever have and it will make him sick to his stomach when he sees you doing so well.

Oh and the The Book Club is a film worth seeing this weekend. A lovely film about women of a certain age finding what makes them happy.

Thanks Toots.

Yes he’s certainly behaving very peculiarly. I really can’t believe how much he’s changed in just 3 months. He’s going out to places he wouldn’t have been seen dead in before he met OW.

Having spoken with a few friends and family about his antics, I know they all think he’s making a fool of himself not me thankfully.

I really like the look of that film, I’ve seen quite a few trailers.

Lily, it's not that she's better than you or anything like that, she's just more willing to put up with his nonsense. He sounds completely mortifying! She probably eggs him on even

Yes I went out with some of the girls to watch it the other night and it was a lovely, heartwarming film, with one of my old crushes in. Older, but still very sexy Andy Garcia!

I am so pleased to hear you sounding much more upbeat, Lily. Things that a few weeks ago would have reduced you to tears and now making you laugh in disbelief - that's the way to go!

What a terrible show-off he is! And it makes him sound very shallow. And he's spending his summer Saturdays riding shotgun on a tat-stall... well, you just keep your dignity and your head high, because you've got the high ground in every conceivable way now!

Might have spoken too soon.

Met up with my friend for a coffee and chat and I was driving her home and he pulled up at the side of me at traffic lights.

OW was in the passenger seat but they were so busy talking he didn’t even notice me!

It’s the first time I’ve seen him since he left 14 weeks ago and it’s knocked me for six. I was meant to go shopping once I’d dropped my friend off but I’ve had to come straight home.

I’m so upset yet again 😥. I feel as though this torture will never end.

Reminds me of when I saw my ex, similar amount of time after he'd left. I'd actually been standing next to him on a railway platform. And he didn't even notice (not that good an actor, I would have seen if he did).

I felt sick and had to go and hide in the toilets for the entire journey. He looked a proper twat too.

Deep breaths, Lily. It had to happen some time. But he didn't see you, you're still NC, you still win.

It's always going to be a shock when you see him, you've not seen him since he left right? And seeing them together as well makes it a little worse.

Just be kind to yourself, it's natural to be shocked by it.

I find it impossible that he didn't see you knowing your number plate, car make, colour etc and having to concentrate to see where he goes but who knows? I am thinking that he is too embarassed to face you, especially when he will have to admit to OW who you are and possibly risk her making a scene since you have mentioned that she has a bad temper.

It's the first time you've seen him of course you're shocked especially as it was unexpected, but next time you see them it will not hit you like this.

It's the same as what you said about the song on the radio, at first you'd turn it off but now you can listen to it, even if it still hurts a bit.

Aw thanks everyone for your really kind comments.

Feeling a little less shell shocked now, just sad 😔

Hi all.

The friend who with me in the car this afternoon has just phoned to ask how I am. She said she could tell that seeing him and her together had shaken me up.

chocorabbit my friend agrees with you that he probably did see us but deliberately kept looking ahead as he didn’t know what else to do. He’ll be pissed off though that I saw him as he was in his new car (it’s a company car and it’s changed every 12 months). I remember registration numbers you see and he won’t be pleased I now have his new one!

Also he’s apparently been posting quite a few photos of OW’s 2 dogs!!! That’s a bit shitty given he’s not even bothered about our poor 11 year old doggie.

What upsets me more than anything is that I’ve left him alone to get on with his new life, so why does he feel he has to flaunt it. He knows it’ll get back to me, it’s as though he gets a kick out of hurting me.

He just doesn't think about you, Lily. He's not posting all those pictures thinking 'I wonder what Lily will think of this?' he's posting them thinking 'I bet all my friends will think I'm a really cool guy doing all this going out and drinking and going to these places and dumping my wife and getting straight on with another woman!'

He's all about image. You don't matter any more, I'm afraid.

Give your lovely doggie a big hug, he'll always be your Number One.

Hold your head up high. He wasn't exactly flaunting her standing next to you at the traffic light. He was pretending to be in conversation with her (ha... ) just so he didn't have to acknowledge you. You were looking fab and were accompanied by lovely friend. You are getting on with your life. Why bother with him? They always trade down you know (and from what you write it sounds he did, and knows it).

My name's constant struggler, but at least I no longer struggle seeing ow (happens several times a week): I pretend to smell a wee turd when I see her.

Hi Zaph. Thing is whilst he was in Benidorm my first husband and his BIL had a chat with XH and told him he should stop flaunting the relationship on IG and told him he was out of order for rubbing my nose in it and yet he posted the hot tub photo the very day he got home! That seems deliberate to me.

Constant. I so look forward to being able to feel like you do, I really hate being so down.

The irony is I’ve stayed in each weekend for almost the entire time since he left and I’ve ended up so depressed I’ve sobbed for hours. The first weekend I make the effort to get dressed up and venture out and WHAM I bloody see them both and I’m depressed and miserable anyhow. Someone up there must have it in for me 🙄.

Ah but lily he will have posted the hot tub photo out of stubbornness, out of proving he was right, out of proving he won't be told or he wasn't wrong, he won't have been thinking what's Lilly thinking about this, because he blocked you, from both Instagram and Facebook, so it was about him.

I don't know if that makes it better or worse, but it won't have been about you, it would have been all about him and his ego.

I'm not sure he's flaunting it as such, more he's convinced he doesn't need to hide it....

Lily 💕
the thing is: if he really felt so wonderful, he wouldn't feel the need to shout it from the rooftops. The way you should look the encounter is : You were out. With a friend. Looking your best. It doesn't matter how shaky you feel sometimes. Just don't show them.