Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

Lily enjoy the smugness you have earned it

It's normal to wish a bit of karma on an unfaithful ex. Be so odd not to.

As someone else pointed out, the whole steroid use is a real indicator of some sort of personality melt down. To suddenly do that in your 50s? Bizarre.

As you are slowly processing the hurt and getting stronger bit by bit to your 'new normal' so he must be adjusting to his and, at some level, must wonder 'what the hell have I done'.

Hey Lilly. How's your weekend been?

Hi Bluntness

Not had a good day today 😥. No particular reason, just feeling a bit sad.

I find weekends quite hard as we’d always do something be it shopping or eating out.

I’m sure I’ll bounce back 🤞

Ah I was a little worried about that, I think when uou don't have plans it means you think about it a little more.

Weekends will be hard for awhile, maybe it would help if you could start thinking of things to occupy you? Even if it's volunteering, seeing friends, whatever, just something to get you out and about and busy. Make a firm plan for every weekend for the next month?

What do you think?

Yes you’re probably right. I’ll have a think about it.

Hmmmmm,,,,

I might have to give you a deadline 😁

When I first split from my exh I got a part time job in a pub (I was a lot younger then), but it really helped both emotionally, socially and it gave me a bit of pocket money. I’d strongly suggest you have a think of things to do on weekends. As blunt said, maybe volunteering or even joining a gym. I’ve recently joined my local gym and I’m amazed at the amount of older ladies (ok my age) that go to the classes regularly and have quite a social circle there too

Like Thebluedog, when I split from my exH I got a job as a weekend receptionist at a leisure club. I found the weekends especially hard and I was dwelling on the fact that all my friends were "coupled up", it gave me some extra cash (which I used to keep seperately to fund my social life /holidays) I actually found it hard if i wasn't working during the weekend, and utimately it gave me a change of scene and different people around me and it was useful and enjoyable.
Think about perhaps volunteering or seeking weekend work, I'm sure it will help.

Thebluedog. When I split from my first husband, I also worked part-time in a pub, that’s how I met H #2 🙈

I’m back in work from tomorrow so I’ll see how that goes and then, if necessary, I’ll look at what I might do to make the weekends easier.

I’m feeling okay again today and I’ve got quite a busy week so, hopefully, I won’t have a lot of time to dwell.

Thanks for the suggestions 👍

Hoping work goes well for you today, Lily and is a pleasant distraction!

Hey Lilly,, how's it going? You're very quiet,,,,

Morning.

Work isn’t too bad although I’d rather not go. I’m not very keen on my job but I have to just plod on.

I’ve had a couple of “down” days actually but I’m sure I’ll recover.

I think because the date of the holiday we’d booked (subsequently cancelled) is approaching, it’s making me feel sad.

Also, despite his unforgivable behaviour, I miss him 😢

Ah sweetie, that sounds fairly normal I think, you're still adjusting to it. It's normal for things to remind you and make you sad. It will get easier though and the holiday date will pass. Plus who wants to be on vacation with a cheat.😔

Of course you miss him! He'd been part of your life for so long - I still miss my smelly, incontinent, hair shedding old dog who was pts two years ago. The last months weren't pleasant but he'd been in my life for fourteen years and things still don't feel right without him!

It's like breaking a habit. You need to replace the things you did with him and the habits you miss, with something new. Fill the hole he made with good things.

Lily could you book a trip away with a family member of friend around that time so you have something to look forward to? Or just go away on your own if you feel able to?

Hi Lily
I know I mentioned it before but there are loads of weekend social activities on meetup - it's not dating, it's friendship. You just search your local area and it tells you all the activities you can join in with. I think it might be a good distraction with the holiday date approaching and you might find you enjoy a few of the things on offer. I know you find books and films a good distraction but I think socialising out of the house might be really good too.
www.meetup.com/

OohOoh. Thank you for the link. I’ll have a look at it 👍

I’m not feeling too bad today, other than having to go to work 🙄

Thanks everyone 🙂

I’m feeling down in the dumps again!!!

I went to Tesco after work today and saw my first husband’s sister - she works there. She was asking how I was doing and telling me how disgusted she is at XH’s behaviour. She then said she’d heard that her brother and BIL had told XH (while in Benidorm) how unfair he was keep posting photos of him and OW on Instagram.

I was just agreeing with her, not saying very much, when she then said “and fancy him then putting a photo of the 2 of them in a hot tub on the day he got back” (he got back during the afternoon of 20 May). I was absolutely gutted and angry. I knew he’d posted something but not any details.

I don’t know why its upset me so much, but it has.

Honestly, I’m leaving him alone, I’ve not caused them any trouble so why does he have to embarrass me? He has quite a few followers on IG who know me, so it’s safe to assume I’ll find out.

He’s such an arsehole.

Ah Lilly he's embarrassing himself. Not you.

I think you need to take a step back. You're no longer together. When he posts it reflects on him. And her. Not you.

I know you can't help your feelings, but, as harsh as this sounds, they are in a relationship, everyone knows this, if they chose to act like arseholes, it reflects solely on them. Not you.

Think about why you feel embarrassed, gutted and angry about it. And then try to address that.

Total arsehole lily just seen how awful.
He wants you to see cruel monster.
Pretending all is greatxxx

Lily - I have been with you since your first posting and I am really impressed at the way you are dealing with your unhappy situation.

I am always cheering you when you are feeling positive and really feel for you when you are feeling down and I am sorry to read of your encounter today, no wonder this has unsettled you again.

EXH and Ow seem pathetic - posting these photographs is not the behaviour of adult people, it is so juvenile having to reassure others they are still an item and “see how happy we are”. My granddaughters behave this way and can be excused this behaviour but not in past middle aged people.

It is though ExH has to constantly reassure himself and other people that he is happy with his new life when all his friends must realise how absolutely stupid he has become.

Such typical mid life crisis behaviour (is it my imagination or do more men than women go through this phase?). Steroids, weight loss, gym next it will be a pony tail and a motorbike.

Please take care Lily and know there is a tremendous surge of support for you from MN’s, urging you on and waiting for when the we hear the sound of the inevitable crash when it comes for those two.

Stay strong Lily.

Yes Bluntness I know what you’re saying but, and you probably won’t like this, if you could just see the state of OW, you’d understand why I’m embarrassed.

That she’s preferable to me makes me feel like shit!

Yeah I get that Lilly, but there is no fool like an old fool and honestly, people aren't thinking like you are, they're just thinking he's an unfeeling arsehole. Honestly if there is any comparisons it will be in your favour,

But yeah, I get what you're saying,

Bluntness has it spot on with the 'no fool like an old fool', which is precisely what all your friends will be thinking.

His behaviour in no way reflects on you! And you've come a long way now to be able to acknowledge that he's an arsehole, rather than immediately dissolving in tears and wanting him back!

Cry, punch the cushions and imagine how much everyone is laughing about him behind his back...