Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

Zaphod. Yes, I think you're absolutely right. I definitely do not want to give him the impression I'm sitting around waiting for him to contact me.

I'll just wait it out.

Thank goodness I'm feeling more positive today. I think if he'd sent me the text yesterday I'd have replied begging him to come back!!!!

Keep your chin up girl!

Don’t rush anything
It’s not essential you respond immediately. Take time to think about it all
Try to relax

He has not contacted u all his time!He has been on sm parading his skank,been on holiday with no regard for your wellbeing.Ignore I guarantee he will text again.Reality may be hitting him and wants to see how the land lies stay strongxxx

Thank you Zaph, Fanny and Dard

I know exactly how you feel when a text or email arrives from your ex and that feeling you get when your heart races, your anxiety levels go through the roof. I wish I’d had the advice you are getting on here lily when I went through this four years ago. When you posted about his message and what should you it brought back all those feelings I used to get.

I simply gave myself permission to stop, take time to process what the message is and whether it deserves a response. Unless it was something to do with the kids I didn’t respond, even when it was about the kids it was short and business like.

You give them an inch they’ll take a mile. Like others have said your response is what he’s after to test the water.

I don't think it requires a response, unless you feel like you want to respond. If you do then a simple 'ok' should suffice (although you could be forgiven for texting back "I've re-homed the dog" ).

Marking my place

Aw Agatha “I’ve re-homed the dog” 🐶.. He’d never believe me 😂

WiseOldBird. Sorry but I don’t understand your post???

I think WiseOldBird has just posted so that she (or he) can find this thread again later. Some people haven't got the hang of the 'I'm watching' button!

I'd rather live in a bucket than rehome my dogs, so I'm with you there, Lily.

Ah thanks for explaining that Zaphod

Just to explain, I wasn't suggesting that you should actually re-home the dog, just to tell him you had .

You look after your dog,he has gained an altogether different doglet him stewxxx

Agatha I didn’t for a second think you meant it 😂

Dard. You’re dead right. My dog’s a pedigree, H’s dog is a mongrel 🙈

Glad you're feeling a bit better today lily

I would book the dog in and then reply to the text with something simple like 'vet appointment booked'. That way, you don't have to thank him, yet it prevents the need for further discussion/contact.

I think I’ll just ignore it. I will book the appointment though and then, if he sends another text, I’ll just reply that it’s booked.

Bloody hell, being in a blind panic over a text message, I can’t believe he’s reduced me to this!

After the way he left and the continued period without any contact, it's not really surprising that his message has sent you into a tailspin.

Book the appointment, and while you are doing it ask the vet to change the contact details to yours. No reason why your XH should even know what's happening to the dog he's just cast off without a second thought. And I wouldn't even reply to a follow up text...why would he need to know, or think that you'd be incapable of reading his last text? You don't need prodding into activity.

Incidentally, my XH adored our dogs, yet never expressed a single moment's concern about how I would manage looking after them solo when he left.

Like a lot of men who leave young families - it becomes 'someone else's problem', no matter how much they seemed to care about them.

Yes I think I will just ignore the text altogether.

I doubt very much that there’ll be a follow up text in any case. It’s apparent that all he’s done is simply forwarded the text he received from the vet. Can’t really be construed as contact.

You are doing great. Distraction is the best thing so try to keep busy. Do you know about Meet Up? It's nothing to do with dating - it's just a way of meeting other like minded people in your area to do hobbies like walking or crafting or film. Will send a link.

www.meetup.com/find/movements/

This link might be better - this is for activities rather than movements or beliefs - you will need to search around on there to find the things you're most interested in in your geographical area. Hiking is always good I think as it's gentle and friendly and lots of chance to chat.

www.meetup.com/find/outdoors-adventure/?allMeetups=false&radius=50&userFreeform=Witney%2C+United+Kingdom&mcName=Witney%2C+GB&lat=51.780396&lon=-1.4542999&sort=default

By forwarding the text from the vet it just means he doesn't have to think about you or the dog(s) and can continue with his new life.

Please look at his actions now. I know (truly) it's hard. But I wish I'd had MN experience when my H left. He is showing you clearly that he doesn't give a damn. I'm sorry if that upsets you.

Please try what others are suggesting and that you find a way to stop ruminating and upsetting yourself with your own thoughts. He is a vile skank to do this to you.

Yes Cuttingthegrass I think I’ve already worked out he doesn’t give a damn!

I wasn’t asking whether the text about the vets appointment had any hidden meaning, merely for advice in relation to whether I should respond or not.

Sorry Lily. My response was based on how upset you'd said you'd been the day before and if he'd sent the text then you may have read something different into this 'contact' from him.

You're being so dignified and strong.