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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What's the worst thing an Ex said to you, when the relationship broke down?

160 replies

Huskylover1 · 16/05/2018 20:11

My first husband cheated on me, throughout our 20 year relationship. I had no idea, until about 16 years in, and then I took a few years to leave him.

Some gems from him, on learning that I was leaving :

  • I'm going to convert my parents loft into a bedroom, and the children can live there without you (50 miles away) Confused

  • You will live to regret this (erm, no, I won't)

And my personal favourite, after weeks and weeks of begging me not to leave....

"Oh just fuck off then, sex with you was like fucking a corpse anyway"

Gaaah

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 19/05/2018 09:55

Wow. I really am Shock at some of these! And I'm only half way through.....

OP posts:
NoMoreCricketDartsOrFootball · 19/05/2018 10:15

Same ex who told me it was no wonder my “cunt is hanging down around my knees” (sorry for the appalling visual, trust me it’s not true!), was nothing but supportive and accepting of my history of poor mental health.... oh until we broke up:

“I hope you go completely psychotic so they have to lock you up for good and you lose your kids forever.”

It was a real kick in the guts at the time, but after reading some of the appalling things in this thread, I feel like I got off lightly!

Gilead · 19/05/2018 10:52

The scary one was when he told me I needed to put my pauses in a different place and breathe differently because otherwise my sentences were misleading and that's what caused him to lose his temper with me. So basically it was my fault.

When he told me he was in love with my one and only friend (I wasn't allowed friends). When I told her and she told him to piss off I wasn't allowed to see her, either. I still stayed for a few years after this!

When he sent the police round after his third arrest that year (yes I know I was stupid letting him back) because apparently I was the abusive one. I have to say the police were lovely and told me that it's very common.

NoMoreCricketDartsOrFootball · 19/05/2018 11:09

Wow Gilead that is scary. Breathing the wrong way??!! Clearly a statement to keep you in a constant state of anxiety and fear. I hope you’re in a much better place now Flowers

Gilead · 19/05/2018 13:26

NoMore Thank you! Flowers I posted about it here at the time, under a different name. And yes it was scary. I am in a far, far better place now because he isn't here!

pallisers · 19/05/2018 14:30

"It's not that she (the OW) was bad at sex, she was just very inexperienced. She never had an orgasm until she had sex with me...." ( Said when we discussing his affair while sat in bed together)... What did he want a bldy medal!

I'd give him a medal for gullibility. How many men do you think the OW used that line on?

NoMoreCricketDartsOrFootball · 19/05/2018 14:44

"It's not that she (the OW) was bad at sex, she was just very inexperienced. She never had an orgasm until she had sex with me...." ( Said when we discussing his affair while sat in bed together)... What did he want a bl*dy medal!

I'd give him a medal for gullibility. How many men do you think the OW used that line on?*

That one, along with the one about him having the biggest penis she’d ever seen.

.... sorry couldn’t help it!

CollyWombles · 19/05/2018 15:28

Ex threatened suicide and actually attempted it. He ended up in a mental hospital for 4 weeks. Despite knowing I had lost my brother and best friend to suicide. I split up with him affer he yet again accused me of cheating.

Told me he would never live with 'someone like me' after I had been through homelessness and after being allocated a house, he knew how much I wanted us to live together.

Told me my problem was 'i had too many fucking opinions' when he said his mate had been accused by his son of sexual assault. I asked him if he thought there was any truth in it and he went crazy at me. I was expected to agree with him at all times.

When we finally did split, I just cut him off completely and never spoke to him again.

FrancesDestroyed · 19/05/2018 21:56

H had an affair with a newly married OW half his age.
I have recently fought breast cancer and had a mastectomy. (Sexting was all about her boobs from him and her).
So, the lovely thing he said to me when I discovered them was....
"When you had breast cancer my love for you just died."
The pain and pure fight to live that I went through...

DanglyEarOrnaments · 20/05/2018 09:30

Oh Frances Flowers I am absolutely praying you are not still with the twat and have found happiness away from him?

I've dumped three long term partners before I met DH 15 years ago and settled properly.

Every single one of them said something like 'Well on your own head be it cos nobody else will love you."

DH does!! It must be a pride thing to say shit to make you doubt yourself when you dump their insecure arses.

WouldRatherHaveWine · 20/05/2018 09:44

I think the most hurtful from one was "its no wonder so many people around you have committed suicide with you in their life"

FrancesDestroyed · 20/05/2018 09:45

Yes, I am still with him. We've been together for 28 years, married for 23 and I'm trying to forgive him. It's bldy hard.

NameChangedForThisQ · 20/05/2018 13:11

Frances love why would you want to forgive him?

Ofthread · 20/05/2018 13:20

Frances, you deserve better my love. Flowers

tonsil · 20/05/2018 13:37

"You're too emotional". I had depression. Dick head.

yetmorecrap · 20/05/2018 18:45

Sorry Frances. I didn’t know that one. That’s an absolute cruel git that can say that. Please do think twice on this one and I say that as someone still in limbo

mumtoaboywhosgreat · 20/05/2018 18:56

I'm going to make sure DS is taken into care

There was no reason for DS to go into care, he just knew I went through hell in a children's home and was dealing with an investigation over it and I burst into tears

Abusive bastard

Deathraystare · 20/05/2018 19:05

Wow! there are some absolute god's gifts on here aren't there???!

Turnocks34 · 20/05/2018 19:06

Not me, but my SIL has just split with her dickhead ex and he told her last night actually:

‘I cheated because since having our daughter your body looks like mashed potato shoved inside a condom and you’ve got a fanny like a pinched lasagne’

Their daughter is 5 weeks old.

Turnocks34 · 20/05/2018 19:07

Also meant punched*

PoorYorick · 20/05/2018 19:29

Frances, you surely didn't fight for your life, and thank God won it, for a worthless excuse of a man like that?

I'm going to do something I never do and offer huge hugs to all the women on here who have had to endure such unbelievably disgusting things being said to them. I know it's easy to say but it really says nothing about any of you and everything about them. You can also be secure in the knowledge that nobody who is capable of forming, and expressing, such hideous things to another human being is capable of being happy. Really, they are not. You can't spit poison like that unless there is an absolute reservoir of it inside you.

My most memorable was after receiving his divorce petition from me a text in Klingon translated to; "you have no honour"

I have to say this one did make me laugh though. I'd have been tempted to respond, "I wish you'd just fuck off, but it seems you really do just Klingon."

DextroDependant · 20/05/2018 19:48

My ex - I can see why your exH battered you, you are lucky I have such self restraint.

All the usual - no one else will want you, your fat and ugly, your fanny stinks, you are just a rat.

PoorYorick · 20/05/2018 19:59

Y'know, it's astonishing how many women out there are absolutely attractive enough for these men to sleep with them when it suits them, and yet suddenly become physically repulsive to all mankind when they finally dump the fucker or just stand up for themselves in any way.

secretskillrelationships · 20/05/2018 21:28

Mine, some years after we'd separated and I'd asked him to have the children overnight cos I had flu and couldn't get out of bed. He agreed and then put down the phone and told my ex best mate 'fucking bitch, why did I ever marry that fucking woman. I guess everyone's allowed one fucking big mistake in their life.'

Was a weird one as phone recorded the whole thing, the start where he was a bit put out initially but understood and agreed followed by this outpouring of bile. We were together 21 years and had 3 children and I thought we were successfully co-parenting! Made me finally recognise what a dick he was and I didn't have to play nice anymore. Funniest bit was he realised, called back and asked me not to listen to the message. Clearly didn't know me very well!Grin

Looselytranslated · 20/05/2018 21:34

"Nobody will ever love you" ex uni boyfriend

"My priority for the summer is the FA cup" while I was pregnant with his child due in July

I ended both of these relationships, as you'd imagine.