How should I deal with his sulking?

[User010101]

The has happened quite a few times before and normally I confront him or try to coax him out of it. This time I've had enough and can't deal with this childish behaviour any longer.

Today, I messaged him at work and we agreed to meet for lunch. I normally go at 1pm but agreed to wait for him until 1:15pm as he said he was busy. Fair enough, except he didn't contact me until after 1:30pm and when we met up he was grumpy and said that he only had time to grab a sandwich and head straight back to work. I was annoyed and was under the impression that going for lunch meant actually going somewhere to eat together. Still, I said nothing...

When we were in the queue for his sandwich I asked him about dinner tonight (he said 3 days ago he would go grocery shopping, but didn't) and he said he didn't know as was out from 6pm. I said I would be happy enough with an omelette and even though I had plans myself tonight,, saidould pick eggs etc up from the shop. He said he didn't fancy that for dinner and I said that he would need to go to the shop himself as he had originally said he would shop for the both of us on Saturday. This was met with silence and when I asked him if he was now huffing with me he swore at me, said I needed to stop nagging him and stormed off.

I thought that would be the end of it as it really wasn't that big of a deal. However, he has just come home and is still not speaking to me. I am going about my business and am in the living room watching TV. He went out to the shop there and took ages presumably in an attempt to make me think he had left me. He came home with whatever he had bought, made it for himself together with a cup of tea. He then came into the living room, picked up his laptop and took it into the kitchen (he normally goes on it in the living room).

I'm at my wit's end. How on earth do I deal with this? It feels surreal and almost like a joke. How on earth can he be sulking? I did all the housework at on Sunday while he went off for a 5 1/2 hour cycle (which apparently left him too exhausted to move) but now I'm supposed to feel guilty!! Would appreciate any thoughts as very annoyed.

Omg... you mean nothing to him..
Or he would not have gone out

Yep.

So he basically patted you on the head, told you not to be a silly girl and went out?

Yes @Butterymuffin and asked to borrow my car as his was low on petrol. I let him.y self-esteem is at an all time low, not just because of what he said to me on Sunday but because of how I feel about myself in general. I want to feel valued and like I matter to him. He gives me glimpses of it but it's not enough.

it is easy to say ltb but speaking from experience, don't go any further with this man, it won't get any better.

I met my STBXH through triathlon and running. When we were both free to pursue similar interests it was fine. Fast forward to children arriving then he stayed as he was whilst I made all the compromises. I once added up the numbers of hours he was absent pursuing his desire to become fastest in his age group and decided that I was going to take myself out of the home for the same amount of time. It added up to years!

He is selfish, self absorbed and will not change. Mine used to give me kisses and profess love and then progressed to buying me gifts to say 'sorry' as if it made it all okay. It never did.

Now, finally, getting divorced after 25 years and two kids and tbh I can't fucking wait!

I'm thinking it suits him very well to knock your self-esteem and keep you down. After all, he gets away with this kinda crap.

Are you going to let this happen?

He loves you but not enough to listen to you or take you seriously.
He loves ignoring your feelings dismissing your valid concerns over his behaviour
He loves his hobby and to live like a single man with a servant who pays half the bills
He loves you enough to insult your appearance
He loves you to shut up stop nagging do all the shitwork in shared home
He loves messing with your head and making you tie yourself in knots trying to coax him out of his manipulative sulks.
He loves walking away from you without ever resolving an issue
He loves no one but himself and his hobby

Fyi he doesn't love you at all clearly

Please OP dump him asap. He is just using you. Could he not filled up with petrol his own car??? Next time the response is: I need my car, have plans already!!!

What is the situation with money between you? Who pays for majority of things?

He gives me the creeps! He laughed at You!!! How fucking disgusting! He hates your guts.

OP

jesus.. is this a joke ?

I want to feel valued

Start by valuing YOURSELF. You let him use your car after all the shit including "talk to the hand"? OP ffs find your anger and stop facilitating him. He's laughing at you.

He’s out you say? Perfect time to pack his bags!

If you want to feel valued Op your looking in the wrong direction
You can and need to show yourself what being valued looks like by getting rid of this soul destroyer
No one will value you if you don't value yourself

I said yes and he asked if I was sure. I don't know why I said yes. He dropped me off at my sister's house on his way which will mean I will have to walk home as he's not back until after 9. I really am a mug

I mean I said yes when he asked to take my car!

He's laughing at you.

Agree with PPs - you need to LTB. Pack his stuff up, leave on doorstep, double lock the doors and switch off phone. Tomorrow change the locks.

Please find some gumption.

He not taking you seriously. But are you taking yourself seriously? You're not set on dumping him. You're mentioning it, but you're also saying "I want to feel valued and like I matter to him."

This is not going to happen.

And if you want him to hear you when you say you're dumped, do it in actions rather than words. His belongings outside the door should do the trick.

He is actually ok with money. He earns quite a bit more than me and for about a year things were split 50/50. However, I mentioned I wasn't happy as after child support etc (which obviously I am happy he pays!!) he was still about £400 (probably more) better off than me and was spending it all on his hobby while I was struggling. Now he pays £75 a month more than he was previously. He mentioned in a recent argument that he hadn't been happy since I had started to 'control' his finances.

Yes, you really are a mug.

Find your backbone!

If this was a friend, what would you tell her to do?
If you keep making threats and don't follow through he won't take you seriously, you said you're over and he's just borrowed your car and gone out.
Decide and do it.
Or this cycle will just continue

Using the fairer split of bills as a thing to bring up in arguments and make you feel guilty about - this is not being ok with money!!

Get a taxi back to your house with your Sister and pack up his shit. Can you do this one day?
Will you struggle financially without him? Is that the main reason you are delaying?

So he has behaved like an ignorant twat. You say he needs to move out and suddenly he turns on the charm with l a kiss and I love you whilst asking to borrow your car?! What a Manipulative arse. Honestly you're not being unreasonable sounds like the only person doing any compromising is you. Hope you're ok.