NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.baggagereclaim.co.uk" target="_blank">www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

I've gained weight since being single but also since Christmas in general. I ache all over all the time too so back at the doctors today to request bloods. Think I might be hypothyroid and vit d deficient as those are the symptoms.

Posted too soon. I'm so knackered all the time and struggling to do the school run, in bed by 8.30 every night and still feel knackered. Had 6 months of it now and fed up.
I'm gutted that I've gained weight so have cut right down in general but giving up bread this week as that will help massively to flatten my tummy a bit. I have IBS and endometriosis so a completely flat stomach is never going to happen. Wasn't flat even as a child. However I'm now just over the healthy weight range by about 2 pounds and I hate it.

@wanthim - please don’t text him. It’s hard and it’s lonely but you’re not entirely alone here

@literary - sounds like you’ve got it in hand by going to the docs. Do you take any supplements? I take like loads including vitamin d. Fish oil, fenugreek & magnesium are all good ones to take as well

@ Literary also things like slippery elm and liquorice (Not the sweets!) are great for ibs but don’t get me started

I just feel that I need to know where I stand for definite. Whilever I have some ‘excuse’ in my head such as he’s busy/he’s catching up after his holiday/he hasn’t seen my message, I can’t even begin to accept that there’s no future for us and probably never was to start with. It’s as if I need to prove to myself just how shit and cowardly he can treat me before I’ll believe he isn’t the man I want him to be. I hate the fact he does this over and over and yet I still adore him. It hurts like hell to think he can go weeks without even contacting me, why isn’t he wondering how I am? I genuinely believed him when he talked about our friendship.

Wanthimsomuch hey hun I know we're messaging anyway as in such similar situations but I'll give my two cents here. I think send the final message if you want, he may even respond and then you'll get sucked back into whatever excuse he gives you. But you know he's not treating you how a guy who cares for someone would. You know that, or you wouldn't be here. If a guy can not message you for nearly 3 weeks, I don't care what the excuse is - the guy I'm going on a date with tomorrow is in Prague at the moment and has been messaging me the whole time while out there - so if they want to, they can. Harsh at it sounds, you know I always say things bluntly ;) Send another message, maybe you'll get a response. I guess he can't ignore you forever unless you find he's blocked you. Just be prepared that he will give an excuse and you'll no doubt accept it. Acknowledge that you need to listen to your HEAD now not your HEART.

I feel sooooo much better today. I am meant to have a 'date' tomorrow night. See if that actually happens, I have no trust in any guy committing to seeing me or anything now. I really do hope it goes ahead as I'd love to have a date on NC's birthday. I will NOT be sending him a message or anything. I have realised he really should be dead to me. He no doubt cheated on me, and he treated me awfully I need to stop digging my head in the sand about it. I don't want him back, I don't want him as a friend, even though I feel I do. Time to move on x

@wanthomomuch - I promise you, seven weeks of nothing. He has ended it. You will not get the answers you need or want TRUST ME.
I haven't seen my 'boyfriend since November (25 weeks - 6months on the 17th may) he reckons we still have a relationship. Hes nearly dragged me back in, and im fighting it.
I know I should take my own advice here, but do not text or message. You'll get a shit excuse or nothing. You'll believe the excuse if it comes because you want him so much, but you are worth more than it. You walked away once, walk away again. Be strong. Take charge and don't let him ruin you. Please, you could find someone (it might take time, and you'll take forever to trust them) but you'll be happy.

@meowimcat Glad youre feeling better today, and also so pleased that you wont message him tomorrow!!! If you get the urge post it here! I hope the dates goes ahead for you too, youll have to keep us all updated.
We all take time to realise that we don't truly want them. Its all the feels, theyre so hard to ignore.

@LiteraryDevil don't stress to much about weight, im sure youll still look good on date!! Cutting out bread will help massively - stuff bloats you out so bad

I gave in and messaged this morning - feel so stupid. I sent a couple of messages that where like
you need to make a choice
i'm not waiting around
i'm sick of the games

and here I am bloody still messaging him
I know everything he said was shit over the weekend.
I know that, yet am still stupidly trying to make him understand the things he's saying - and how he's completely contradicted himself

Its getting back into that mind-set that I can live without talking to him.
I mean Jesus I can go six months without seeing him!

I feel like a bit of fraud being on here now seeing as 98% not bothered about my NC.

@LiteraryDevil
Not at all!! Your the aim, id love to be ok with it all

I feel that I need to message again to prove that I’m being deliberately ignored, I don’t think I’ll accept he is doing this again to me if not.

Do I call him out on his lack of contact in my message or just send a friendly how are things type message?

And how long should I leave it? He hasn’t been online or looked at the message from three days ago.

I want do nothing. Nothing at all. Retain your dignity and do not message him again. You have to let them go

@wanthimomuch

You know you'll be ignored.... you wont get the answers you want.
You've been ignored for several weeks....

But if you really want to message keep it short - don't be friendly... it makes you look like you don't have an issue. You do have an issue he's treated you like a complete fool and he's used you, and as soon as he sees that message he knows your not going anywhere.

Im stuck in this situation and ive let mine go on and on because im carrying his child. If I wasn't, I would 100% not be trying or wouldn't of tried as hard as I have been.

Don't even bother to ask him how he is, why should you be nice and respectful when he cant even treat you right.

Make the break - send the message and let him know he wont get you back. Texting someone constantly that doesn't want you, does not work.

Please. For your sanity. HE IS NOT WORTH IT.

I’ve got thousands of messages from him, I’m trying to psyche myself up to deleting them. They’re transferred to a word document if I really wanted them. I can’t bear seeing the evidence of how loving he used to be towards me and how distant he is now. I find myself re reading them and it needs to stop. Same with photos. He sends so many selfies/pics of him looking gorgeous out the shower etc and I find myself reminiscing and almost talking to the pics in my mind. I’m forever looking at them as a substitute for being with him.

I thought maybe delete it all before I send a second and final attempt at contact message. I want to be able to see if he’s been online or opened it without having months of messages before it. I don’t want to do it. Last time I made myself delete a photo and a page of messages a day but he then got back in touch.

He’s done this many times before , if I tell him to F off he won’t reply because of his pride which is why I want it low key and neutral. It’s just knowing what to say. I’m trying to go with my head which says to prove it to myself that he doesn’t care and the excuses I’m making for him don’t stack up. I know that I won’t be trying to contact him a third time.

So he returned our son’s jacket at some point early this morning. I did contemplate sending a thank you text but haven’t - Yey!
Another debt letter through the post as well for him, unless he’s being bankrolled by someone he’s living payslip to payslip and has a mountain of debt. I’ll be certain to show any debt collectors my copy of the divorce petition with her address on and she can have all the crap associated with him - bet she’s not going to be pleased 😂

LiteraryDevil you are the goal and I feel I’m getting there now. I would say I’m 70% done now.

It is so true when they say your heart sometimes needs to catch up with your head. We wouldn’t be here trying NC if they treated us right. So listen to your heart but make sure your head has control. Take some power and dignity back and walk away - no more messages!!!

Wise words meowimacat 😀

literary don’t you dare go anywhere

Baby blue, thank you for the kick up the bum. I'm going to sit tight the next few days and do nothing.

I feel so pissed off today.
Honestly - I've tried to avoid thinking about him.... and I finally did it (again) deleted his number.
I know everyone said not to and to stop and everyone was right but I sent another FINAL message - and now the NC restarts. Tomorrow is day one.

My message was
I can't do this anymore, I keep saying it. Yet I keep doing it.
You want this family and you say you want it all. Yet, you're back to saying nothing. Coming online seeing my messages and not acknowledging me.
It's not healthy, I'm so drained and mentally exhausted. I just can't anymore. *He is the most important thing, and me being stressed isn't good for him.
You know his due date, you know where I live.
I hope you're happy.
*
I feel ok, after sending it.
I don't feel like I need to text him anymore. I don't feel like the contact we had this weekend has changed anything or even made a difference to anything. It just frustrated and made me upset.

@baby that has to be final text. The man is toxic and is affecting you & the baby.

I agree, you have got to stop now.

@baby sorry if i’ve missed any previous posts, where are your family in all of this?

I know.
I did so well, for four weeks. I felt much better (bad days had) but much better.

I'm really lucky - I planned to move our beginning of the year, I'd saved enough, but I'm staying at home with my parents for another year now.

My family (mum and dad are with me) really amazing and supportive.
I get the craziness from my mum, she does tell me to stop, and that Ive got to think of me and baby. They've been amazing through it all, and watched me really struggle with stress and anxiety-they support me and know that I've had to try. But they told me to stop long ago.
My dad is quiet - but is supportive. I know he wants to bury baby dad.
They know everything I can't hide it. I told my mum about the texts, she was sad as she knew how well I was doing and stated I was much better mentally and was more positive.
She's begged me not to set my self back and leave it now. She's right, you guys are right.

Babyblue32 that final text was all you needed to say now. If ever you feel like sending another one read that back. It’s like the final one I sent to my NC. I told him I cared for him and wanted him and he knows where I live but clearly doesn’t want me and didn’t chase. Sigh. It’s so much harder for you but you can do no more now, don’t contact him again like you say he knows the due date, knows where you live, that’s it!