NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.baggagereclaim.co.uk" target="_blank">www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

@LiteraryDevil congratulations!!
I really wanted to do a few 5k runs before pregnancy and never got round it it.

Ok I feel better
But I also still feel very numb and like at any point I'll break again.

I sent a message - that said along the lines
You've made a choice, you've sat and said this isn't a game.
I'm taking your own advice now and I'm not over thinking it. You're in or you're out. I'm not sitting and waiting around anymore.
You need to decide, and what you decide I suggest you be consistent.
Let me know what you decide.
I sent it at 130 it was read at 540 and he's been online. I've since cleared it and got rid.
I feel ok.

I want to be back in my better state - like I was for those four weeks. Yes I had bad days, but I got through them.

I cannot let him dictate my feelings everyday. I've gone five weeks with nothing, if he does it again I can get through it.

With all your love and support of course. I would of cracked long ago without you ladies xxxx

@babyblue. this thread has been a life saver. Just to be able to vent and say how you feel and know we aren't alone. It's difficult. We're doing well. I'm the worst for appreciating just how far we've come.
What is it about achievements and wanting them to know? Is it some inbuilt desire to win them back? show we're worthwhile?
I haven't shared post publicly although I want too.. how old am I? yea I'm still contemplating it hey ho

Tictactic I wonder if you live near me as there was a 10k race on here this morning, or is that happening all over on the same day? lol. I'm the same about wanting to make things public so he can see...if he even looks at my FB.

I feel so so sad tonight, like really low. OLD did give me a bit of an ego boost but now all the guys I'm speaking to are just talking about sex - one has literally been sexting me since last night until today. I did sort of lead him on a bit last night firstly because I was bored but also because I wanted to feel wanted like a pathetic loser. But now he's making me feel sick as he's just too much with it, like it's all he can talk about and asking to come to mine just for that but that he promises he's not just after that...sure.

Makes me feel like running back to NC as I'm just going to be used by any guy. I miss him so much :( Not the being treated like crap, but he wasn't always bad, and I miss the really good times. There were still lots of them. Obviously he is wrong for me, I just hate the idea I've cut him out of my life forever.

I think I'm going to be doomed to either be used by men forever or settle for someone crappy just to be in a relationship (which I'm not going to do, just saying.)

Shit
@Tictactic I was meant to congratulate you!!! Not lit hahaa god I'm sorry xxx

I did wonder why I was being congratulated!

@babyblue. thank you! i think sometimes we need to get these things out of our system. At least you know you've given your all and given him amble opportunity. In time, you'll walk. for good.
@meow.. maybe I'm close by! don't want to out myself! The sex stuff is what I hate about OLD. I can't be doing with it. I'm pretty old school and sexting doesn't quite do it for me. I think it's disrespectful before you've even met. What works for some doesn't for others I guess. I want to feel respected, I want a relationship that's lasts. I want someone who is interested in me first. I guess there are those willing to have sex straight away, may work for both sides. so yes, it makes us want to run back to our comfort zone.. our NC who we once trusted and felt safe with. I'm not settling.. I'll wait until someone worthwhile comes along. In the meantime I'll work on myself.

@Tictactic well done! I am now 4 weeks from my half marathon that I entered immediately post split! I’ll walk if I have to. Post it - he won’t know you are doing it for his attention and it will show him you are doing good anyway if he does see it. Be proud of tour achievement- you are doing so so well!

3 weeks NC today and 10 weeks since I last saw him, 9 weeks since I said I wanted a break, 8 weeks since I dumped him. No regrets over ending it at all.

Nothing from OLD guy yet but I'm sure he'll be in touch after what he messaged this morning.

@Dimeal. how is the revision going? plus half marathon. wow! I'd have to post as public on Facebook as we're not friends. Never were as short relationship. I'm not sure.. I think I'd end up changing back to private yes or no?
@Literary. well done! have you seen the dating thread for hints and tips there too?

@Literary. Is it really 3 weeks since you sent him that final message? I remember. Time is flying by

@Tictactic in that case post for your friends only. You did something to be proud of - post it!! Yes I am a nutcase - 1 thing at a time was never my forte!!! Revision is hard for this exam as had my mums birthday this weekend and mind not on it. I have time. It usually works out.

My NC is online I want him to message me!! So bad! I am not messaging him though noway!!!

@Dimeal. I did post for friends only, just had the urge to make the post public on the off chance he'd look. Ohhh! What's the point?! it's not going to change anything! See, I'm still daydreaming he may message too!!
I also don't seem to do things by halves. Now I have ds I have to be careful not to burn out.
I guess at times like these we have to remember why we split and how we felt in the earlier days. We're building ourselves back up and it's dangerous as we could be knocked back again. Do we want to risk that?

@Tictactic I don’t want him back and I don’t want to talk to him. What I want is him to message me, I don’t even want to talk just want the message from him maybe for my self esteem I dunno. Glad you posted it - let your friends know about how well you are doing.

I can't help myself but stalk his social media...and whilst I can't actually see who he follows the suggestions underneath his account on Instagram basically show who he's following. There is this girl 'Elle' who used to call him late at night when I was with him and he'd ignore it - anyway, she appears on his Instagram - so clearly he's following her now (he must have unfollowed her when with me to hide it) - so I reckon he was cheating on me the whole time.

I have to sometimes try and find something to hurt me to give me a reason not to break NC as I was going to send him a happy birthday message on his birthday. I just want to hate him and realise he's a waste of space.

Tic time is flying & well done!!

literary you are an inspiration to the rest of us. Hope old guy gets back soon. But in someways it’s good that he isn’t texting all the time as that can get quite annoying.
@babyblue - keep strong, you’ve got some powerful hormones in there but he is a first class fuckwit and you really are better off without him.

Everyone else - keep going, this is hard, the power we have is in the silence

I've been asked out!!!! Details to follow

Ooh LiteraryDevil I want to know all.

I had a cry and actually feel a bit better now. I haven't really cried at all about all of this and when he's treated me badly I've not even been able to cry about it so think I just needed that release. Back to hating him again :) lol

Day 10 for me tomorrow - longest NC ever and we work together. Please tell me it gets easier as I have struggled today x

I also have a coffee date tomorrow! Sorry literary don’t want to take away from your news!

meow hating him is good!

@backtoblack - some days are harder than others but you are through to the double figures! They are easier than the single figure days

Evening ladies

@LiteraryDevil yasss! Excited for you. New outfit, glam yourself make yourself all sexy and irresistible 😆

@meowimacat a good cry, is always helpful. I've cried a lot this weekend, today only once. Sometimes it just has to get out of your system...

@Iwouldmarrythebeast I know.
Hormones are the hardest, because although this would be my normal reaction is felt like a million times worse this weekend and like my world was ending

@Tictactic post for you and friends. Don't post for him.

@Dimael - we all crazy!! You're not alone haha!!
I want mine to message me too, but a proper message. Being all nice and loving telling me he's going to be an amazing person and actually do it. One can dream. - not that I'd be able to ever look at him the same now.

@Backtoblack1 - yeah gets easier, but also some days are really hard. But you have to fight through it. Day 10 is good! Well done xx

I feel better now. I sent that message he's read it and been on and still not replied and I feel ok. I think I'm so tired to really think about it now.

Sometimes I'm ok, like I know he's no good and I'm worth so much more

Then other days I cant stand I, I want him to come to the door, hold me and tell me he'll be the best he can be and then just love me like he claims too - this is when I get mad at myself. Stupid hopes
Stupid boys
Stupid feelings

God being a woman is just not fun sometimes

Meow a cry is very therapeutic. I feel bad I've hardly shed any tears over mine. Some, but not like I normally would. I think I shut down to some degree after my husband left.

Back keep going. 10 days is great especially when you work together!

I would you kept that quiet-tell us all!

He's asked if I'm free on Saturday. My mum is away so will have to see if I can get someone else to babysit.

@babyblue32 the rational part is you, the rest are hormones and him being a twat. And he really is a twat - you will look back on this and realise how appalling he is and wonder why you ever let him upset you. Trust me on this.

@literarydevil it’s happened quite quickly on Tinder but I don’t want to rule anything out - new chapter and all that!! Hope you get a baby sitter, can you ask the dad at all? What are you going to wear?

Small one has only ever met his dad once and he lives over 100 miles away. I've not even heard from him in 20 months. My friend is going to babysit. No idea what to wear! Will panic about that later. Wondering if I can lose half a stone or more by Saturday....

Hope your coffee date goes well

@ Literary you could lose a couple of kilos in a week! But sure you don’t need to. It’s funny my friend today was saying today everyone says they could do with losing half a stone! I’ve lost mine in the last 3 weeks by feeling too sick to eat which means as soon as I feel better it will be back on again.

Bloody hell about the dad! There are some real twats out there. Good news about your friend baby sitting though - that’s a good friend to give up a Saturday night!

Don’t think much will come from the date, he says he isn’t sure about dating (kind of how I feel as well) so it might be just about having a coffee and a new connection. Need to wash some jeans and hope my hair is behaving itself tomorrow. In the past, huge spots appear from nowhere just before dates....

Can I join you please? I was downgraded from dating/relationship to casual fuck buddy/friend months ago, he also admitted to liking someone else. I’ve walked away in the past and he’s always chased to get me involved again. He’s been away and not contacted me for several weeks. I messaged at the weekend a couple of days after he returned but he hasn’t gone online or opened it. I don’t know if he’s ended whatever “it” was between us without telling me or if I’m just not a priority. I want to message again to know for sure I’m ignored, maybe it will help me get closure but I’m not sure how long to leave it. I feel in limbo and anxious, it can’t carry on. I need my pride back.