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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

An Undisclosed Child - WTAF?!!!!!!!

321 replies

MrsRichardDeVere · 12/05/2018 10:57

I’ve NC to try not to out myself.

Been dating and starting a relationship with a man for 4 months. Met through online dating. Have taken things steadily and everything going well. Seemed honest, normal, self-deprecating, considerate and lots of other good things.

He said he’s been single since he & his ex split 6 years ago, with 2 boys he sees every 2nd weekend. Seems like a good dad, doing the usual, normal stuff you’d expect.

He’s on Linkedn but not other forms of social media, so I haven’t been able to do background digging. Anyhow found his ex-wife (after he said her first name rather than just referring to her as ‘the-ex’) and to my horror there are 3 kids, with a girl appearing in age between the boys. Definitely a sibling. I know ive got the right family, as I’ve seen plenty of photos of the boys.

I suspect this is curtains on our relationship, as this seems like a shocking omission to me, but can anyone throw any light on what the fuck might be going on?! I’m seeing him in a few days and will be asking him but could do with some MN insight.

OP posts:
halfwitpicker · 16/05/2018 15:07

In what world is the OP stalking??? Hmm The first thing anyone sensible does when seeing someone is check them out online!

I reckon she's the ex wife's daughter with another bloke.

He should have mentioned her though.

Brownmouse · 16/05/2018 15:25

God why WOULDN'T anyone check out their partner's ex's profile??!?

It might be littered with people saying what a bastard he is. I'd rather know some background info!

rumbelina · 16/05/2018 15:40

OP you really don’t need to defend yourself for doing some digging. OLD is not like meeting someone through friends or work where you know people who know them. And even so....it’s not like reading someone’s private diary!

Original poster
MrsRichardDeVere · 16/05/2018 15:51

Thank you all who've posted today saying I'm not a stalking nutter.

I am shitting myself. I've caught up with every outstanding item at work, in a desperate attempt to distract myself. Pumping out so much adrenaline that I've done them all in record time!

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 16/05/2018 16:03

I have an essay to write if you need anything else to distract you.....

Good luck

Candyflip · 16/05/2018 16:12

That is so odd! I think everyone stalks a bit on Facebook, isn’t that what it is for?! I would feel a bit awkward having to admit to it though, but you do need to know OP as it is very strange.

rollingonariver · 16/05/2018 16:18

Good luck!
I really hope it's nothing.

bridgetosomewhere · 16/05/2018 16:19

I’m Intrigued as to what he will say....

OverTheHedgeHammy · 16/05/2018 16:19

I hope you get to the bottom of this quickly and painlessly.

If he's an lying arsehole, then be glad you found him out.

If there's a reasonable explanation, then you still need to get to the bottom of who she is, and why he's never mentioned her.

greyweather · 16/05/2018 16:59

If you are a stalking nutter then rest assured, you aren't alone!! Surely the majority of us have done it.

Hope it goes well!

WheelyCote · 16/05/2018 17:06

Any news OP, have u spoke to him yet?

jazzyjefff · 16/05/2018 17:16

I love a good Facebook stalking!

changeoflife · 16/05/2018 19:42

Pretty much everyone who does OLD Facebook stalks a bit. You'd be mad not to!!

LoveProsecco · 16/05/2018 20:12

Good luck OP, be brave and do it

Huskylover1 · 16/05/2018 20:23

I facebook stalk. Everyone does! Except the people whose hands are too busy pearl clutching.

overnightangel · 16/05/2018 20:32

Hope it’s good news OP

woodenstag · 16/05/2018 20:44

I really hope there's a proper explanation for you.

Beaverhurdle · 16/05/2018 20:51

Lol husky Grin

'If he turns out to be a lying arsehole' - such a straaannnge thing to lie about if he is!? I get keeping all the kids secret but not one of two lol

Belliniteeny · 16/05/2018 21:20

I wouldn't consider a Facebook snoop as stalking. Hope you get a reasonable explanation OP

Original poster
MrsRichardDeVere · 16/05/2018 21:54

Oh my. Well there is an explanation and it is not good. The daughter is his with his ex-wife and does fall between the other two children, as I thought.

The non-disclosure is the kind of thing that would make any mother on the dating scene run a mile, which I presume is why it wasn't disclosed.

I'm loathe to go into too much detail, but it is curtains on this particular relationship.

Thank fuck for Facebook.

OP posts:
TenThousandSpoons · 16/05/2018 21:56

Oh dear, sounds serious. Sorry to hear that he wasn’t who you thought but good that you found out. Thank goodness for Facebook snooping.

GorgonLondon · 16/05/2018 21:57

I'm glad you're out of it, but would love to know the real reason!

RatRolyPoly · 16/05/2018 21:58

Jeeeesus OP, sounds dodgy AF!

Don't ever let anyone tell you that doing the same basic checks on a boyfriend that you would do on someone you were thinking of hiring is a stalkerish thing to do; thank God for Facebook indeed!

Flowers
snewname · 16/05/2018 22:01

Wow. So you were right to be suspicious. How can you just forget one child? Do you think he was biding his time to tell you or was he hoping to hide her forever?

HappyFeet92 · 16/05/2018 22:02

Why did he not declare his daughter ?!