An Undisclosed Child - WTAF?!!!!!!!

[MrsRichardDeVere]

I’ve NC to try not to out myself.

Been dating and starting a relationship with a man for 4 months. Met through online dating. Have taken things steadily and everything going well. Seemed honest, normal, self-deprecating, considerate and lots of other good things.

He said he’s been single since he & his ex split 6 years ago, with 2 boys he sees every 2nd weekend. Seems like a good dad, doing the usual, normal stuff you’d expect.

He’s on Linkedn but not other forms of social media, so I haven’t been able to do background digging. Anyhow found his ex-wife (after he said her first name rather than just referring to her as ‘the-ex’) and to my horror there are 3 kids, with a girl appearing in age between the boys. Definitely a sibling. I know ive got the right family, as I’ve seen plenty of photos of the boys.

I suspect this is curtains on our relationship, as this seems like a shocking omission to me, but can anyone throw any light on what the fuck might be going on?! I’m seeing him in a few days and will be asking him but could do with some MN insight.

Well thank god you went snooping op.
Just as well you found out now.

Glad you found out now - well done for trusting your instincts.

There was no 'forgetting' - this was a very deliberate omission, which was perpetuated on so many occasions when he told me about holidays and experiences he had had with his DC when they were younger.

I think his 'masterplan' was that I would fall in love with him and somehow he would be able to tell me and I'd love him so much that it would all be ok. Holy fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so angry but also so relieved.

The non-disclosure is the kind of thing that would make any mother on the dating scene run a mile

Do you mean the reason for the non-disclosure? Can't make sense of it otherwise.
Hope you're ok op.

But why did he omit it?

I still don't get why he felt the need to hide her. Did he feel that it's somehow shameful to have 3 kids?!

I’m wildly guessing that the reason could be why he split up with the ex. At least you found out early.

Yes, I imagine the reason for the non-disclosure is something the DP has done, which is a safe-guarding issue. The OP is right not to disclose further because of the DD’s privacy.

I hope you are okay, Mrs RDV

Maybe you should ask him. I wouldn’t dump immediately on this kind of ‘evidence’ it might be complicated/embarrassing. Maybe his wife cheated on him and made this third child. Maybe it’s her junkie sister who passed away’s child who’s been absorbed into the family - could explain resemblance. My own child mistook my ten-years-younger cousin for me so family resemblance is not inexplicable.

Katara, you are right about the reasons I want to be very careful what I say.

Gah, I want to run for the hills. I am humming with anger at the moment. I know I will calm down at some point but right now I just feel livid.

Ugh, stuff like this makes me wish you could blacklist people on dating sites.
You did the right thing by doing background checks . There are so many liars on OLD, it's just sensible to do a bit of due diligence on someone you are going to meet or pursuing a relationship with.
Hope you are OK, sounds like you had a lucky escape!

I know you can't say OP but I;m surprised if its that serious he has access to the 2 other children!!

Jesus what an awful experience for you OP. Really hope you’re ok.

2018Anon - I thought that too, which makes me wonder what the hell is going on. But do you know what - I don't want to know. I just don't want to unravel that can of worms. It is going to be messy, unhappy and complicated. I'd rather be single.

How did he take the news that it was over?
I don't know how these people expect to get away with their lies. He was gonna get caught out eventually.

It's quite scary, the creeps who are lurking out there.
I hope you're okay MrsRDV.🍷🍷🍷

Oh gawwwd!!

Jesus. If anyone had been stalking this much on my FB page (or someone I was married to etc) I'd be dumping them as soon as I found out.

Obsessive much. And no, it's not just 'looking'. You've actively sought her out to have a nosey. That's called STALKING!

RTFT StarUtopia

Christ.. We don't all have time to sit on MN and read 10 pages of nonsense! I replied to the original post.

So. Now seen the update. Well, lucky escape. For both parties it would appear!

Heh. Did you read the rest of the thread StarUtopia?
I’m sorry about your news OP but at least you found out now before you invested too much into the relationship. Agree that OLD is a strange world and checking out public sources of info about the person is a responsible thing to do!

If anyone had been stalking this much on my FB page (or someone I was married to etc) I'd be dumping them as soon as I found out

You’d already have been dumped as you turned out to have a hidden kid.

The thickness of the people on here who think it’s better not to look or ask questions - no wonder so many women end up completely fucked over.

Stalking is persistent psychologically and physically harmful intrusion
Looking on FB is bit nosy,that’s all And op had a hunch and looked.
Op hasn’t contacted ex,hasn’t been intrusive,or threatening,she’s not stalking

Agree that OLD is a strange world and checking out public sources of info about the person is a responsible thing to do!

This. Wise up people!

Op....would you consider reporting him to the dating site ?