Morbid/Delusional Jealousy - Any sufferers out there

[Sshhbear]

I am keen to hear from anyone who suffers from morbid jealousy. My partner of 16 years seem to have developed it over the last year and I am desperately researching information on the subject in an attempt to get him to realise that he has a problem. At this stage he's in complete denial that there is anything wrong with him and believes it's up to me to prove him wrong and earn his trust back.
I'm particularly interested in hearing from sufferers as I would like to be able to read some stories from others to help him realise that he needs help.
His main symptoms are:

• Believing whole heartedly that I have had and may still be having an affair. He knows I'm a bit of a prude and he knows I have never cheated in the past with him or anyone else.
• Controlling my activities - at the moment he has asked me to go two months without leaving the house unattended (by him and/or the kids). Previously this was 'until we get married'. He believes this is the answer to making sure I'm not up to anything.
• Thinking irrational things - he thinks I'm getting up in the middle of the night while he's sleeping and having sex with another man on our front deck. Important to note he's a light sleeper, I'm a heavy sleeper and our deck is not at all private from the street.
• Threatening me (aggressively saying "look out if I ever find out I am right") - he is not violent and has never layed a hand on me
• Walking around swinging a baseball bat for exercise - most of the time to help him get his strength back post shoulder reconstruction but other times, when he's feeling frustrated. He never threatens me with the bat but it is still intimidating.
• Blaming me for his feelings. He doesn't believe his gut feelings could possibly be wrong. Says he's not stupid and for him to feel this means that I am to blame because it is my actions that have caused it.
• He is toying with the idea that maybe I'm schitzophrenic and that's why I keep lying to him about my perceived infidelity.

I am 47 and also going through early menopause symptoms. I am nervous and jumpy and while I know anxiety can happen with menopause, I think it's because I'm worn out and emotionally spent after 11 months of accusations. Unfortunately, he sees my anxiety as caused by the emotional stress I am under managing two relationships (the second one being the one that doesn't exist).

I took him to his dr and she referred us to their psychologist. This didn't go well. He walked out after half an hour alone with her saying she couldn't help. He says this is because I had already spoken to her first and she wouldn't give an opinion on who was right.

I posted back in November 17 asking for advice on this same subject as I was getting married in March 18 to my man. 16 years is a long time and I love my other half dearly so despite some people suggesting I didn't go through with the wedding, I did anyway. Don't judge me on this please.

I was going to ask how much cannabis is involved… He is definitely suffering from delusions and you can’t live with him like this. It’s not safe and he WILL escalate. You need to get him out of your house asap.

Not happening we been taking videos so he knows what he sees is not real but he wants to know the same answer I do why??? And how do we make it go away??? Can be caused from stress as well and honey we had our fair share of stress.

Oh and as far as weed we don't smoke he used to a lot when we married but stopped yrs ago and we don't even drink that much. The scariest part about it is that ur brain can just conjure up thoughts at any given time and I would hope to think if it was me seeing those things he would be right beside me and not turn and run tail.

Not to mention our son is suffering from a mental illness thinks the FBI is after him among other things as well and they kinda play off of ea others paranoia. I've had a field day trying to take in all of this. But I assure everyone that no one is in danger my husband has already said he would leave before it comes to that.

There she's are 19 and 22 so they are not kids by no means and kinda understand.

@fontofnoknowledge

Honestly ? He sounds like he has such serious mental health issues and is so delusional that you need him to be assessed and probably sectioned under the mental health act (if you are in uk , or other statutory system for where you live) He needs to be treated, this is far to far from normal and puts you and the children at significant risk. He could / at any point decide it's 'best' to hurt you because of your (his) imagined infidelity.

This is all about serious meh issues and your husband is very unwell. It is no different from a serious physical illness so of course you care for him and married him. People (normal ones ) do not walk away from their partners when they are sick.
The difference here is the potential danger to you.
If in UK you need to go to GP and to get a crisis team in to assess him before he is removed to a hospital for treatment.

Good luck, MH and associated stigma is hard to negotiate.

No of course he isn't having an affair himself, he is far to anxious and obsessed.

While I agree that it sounds like a physchotic episode…it is unlikely that he will be sectioned or “ removed to a hospital”. What hospital would that be? The phsychiatric ones with beds in such short supply they are only given to people who are an imminent threat to themselves and need 24 hour observation. Indeed what psychiatrists will be looking after him? Would that be the 1 adult care psychiatrist actually in position for the whole of a mental health trust? If you think the NHS is struggling for primary care (Gp and hospital) you should see secondary care … She can try going to his GP and raising her consents- she’ll get the response that becuase of medical confidentiality the GP cannot discuss her partners mental or health state with her and that she sho7ld try to persuade him to get an appointment I wish you were correct in believing it to be so simple.it’s not. Even in a full psychotic crisis where abusive behaviour is coming out, “care in the community” is all you will get - a 1 hour out patient assessment after some months, then drug regime, CPN visit for a while, then left to their own division e unt8l the next crisis. Rinse. Repeat

Personal experience of this. And managing my marriage all the way through this . Now divorced but had 20 plus years of it.
For me, this paranoid jealously was the first sign of a serious and enduring mental health condidition. He was 40 plus and we’d been married for 10 years. Thankfully his “beliefs” were not always fixated on me, and when they were sometimes it was no longer sexual jealously but a fixation that I was malevolent and intent on destroying him

Please do not underestimate the seriousness of this . It is dangerous, it is abusive behaviour (even if he s I’ll and therefore not intentionally abusive). He doesn’t just believe this- he “knows” you are unfaithful. You can’t prove anything to say you are not. In fact in trying to prove your innocence you’ll begin to avoid any situation where you are alone with anyone including your own male family members (yes, I was accused of incest as well as bosses, co workers, random strangers, old boyfriends I hadn’t been in contact with for years). Yes, the whole thing about waking you at night saying you having or dreaming (talking out loud in your sleep) sex with someone else is all very much part of it. And the sexual pestering and groping in the middle of the night when you are asleep. And the trying to “rape” you when you are asleep because you are clearly up for it as had been masturbating
It doesn’t go away . There will be times when you can convince him that you are faithful, or maybe even that he’s imagining it, but it will be temporary.
The only point it will go away is when his persecution and paranoid delusion fixate on something else- right now that is you and will stay on you for potentially months or years.

There is a big difference though, and why I stayed, he “knew” there was something wrong a lot of the time. He tried to get help and would go to see his GP. however, it took 10 years and a major crisis for him to be diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and put onto medication. He took that medication for 10 years, then decided to stop- I knew within days he’d stopped meds as all the old odd behaviour came back.. he lied to me about taking meds. I could not force him to take the meds- they’re shit actually and it was his choice. So we divorced. There was no way I was going back to how it was for the first 10 years.

In your case he is refusing to get treatment or even discuss treatment. That is unacceptable. Do not marry- it doesn’t matter how much hope or love you have for him, this will destroy you (1 in2 carers in this situation become mentally I’ll themselves). It may take even 30 years but it will not be visible and you’ll hurt yourself badly in the process.

Try an ultimatum that he gets help and follows any treatments given. Set strong boundaries for both of you about what is reasonable and unreasonable behaviour. If he breaks those boundaries again you need to split up. No matter how hard that is.

You are not safe. You need to say this to the mental health team clearly - that there is a safe guarding issue. That he is being abusive. Those words. If necessary call the police. It might sound over the top, it he will not get psychiatric support unless you escalate and use the terms safeguarding clearly with them

Marijuana use and him losing his job. The second seems to coincide with the serious delusions yes? Maybe because he has more time to smoke weed now?

Whatever is wrong with him you need to have some boundaries. You have 4 kids and you're the only non delusional parent they have. You're letting him track you and acceding to delusions by not going out unaccompanied and meanwhile he still smokes weed, a known factor in psychosis.

If you won't leave him you have got to start calling a spade a spade and stop feeding the delusions. Hes wrong. Doesnt matter what his brain says. Find your anger. If he wants to stay with you he stops smoking weed and he sees a psychologist.

@Sshhbear

DianaT1969, he doesn't drink though used to drink a lot 20+ years ago. He does smoke marijuana - most nights to help him sleep. He stopped for a few years here and there. Didn't seem to make much of a difference whether he was smoking or not though this problem was not there 12+ months ago. Yes, I am handling it. No, I'm not on top of it. I am a very grounded person but of course it gets the better of me sometimes. To have someone tell you to your face that you are betraying them and lying to them about it is very difficult. Especially if you have high standards and would never do the things you are being accused of. I have read that these types of mental health issues can happen as a result of medication. He had shoulder reconstructive surgery Oct 17 and they found that he had had a heart attack at some point not long before that. He has since had a stent put in and is now on daily medication. His accusations started 4 months before either of those health issues but it's only been since we got married that he has become so much worse.

He takes marijuana…no other medication needed to cause schizophrenia and psychosis. Don’t bother to try to figure it out further. The link is very well proven.

Another zombie thread @MNHQ

ZOMBIE!

Hope your ok and staying safe years ago my ex would do the same (sure you havent marryed my ex lol ) long story short he was the one that was cheating and lieing them that start the blame game and change There ways are the ones that are trying to cover There own back side id be gone wouldn't put up with that

I have been married to my husband for 42 years. We have three grown children and have had our ups and downs throughout the years ..but basically a monogamous and trusting marriage until a few years ago. He began secretly recording me and videotaping me. I discovered his activities and at first thought he was joking when he told me that he knew that I was having phone sex with some man on the phone and suspected me of having an affair. He claims that I am in love with another man and believes this 100%. He has been recording me now for about three years and claims that he has countless hours of video and audio proof of this supposed affair. Once he let me listen to an audio clip of me saying nasty things to this man .... I could not hear anything but weird rhythmic static. In his mind he clearly hears words being said. He says he has definitive proof that I am doing this ... but refuses to actually share his proof. He has not been violent towards me ... but becomes extremely agitated and loudly vocal if I try to tell him that I am not doing this ... nor have I have done this. I have tried to get him to seek some kind of counseling ...but he believes that he is fine and he does not have a problem. Right now I am 70 years old. I have arthritis ...thinning hair ..somewhat overweight and some hearing loss. I love my husband with all my heart and it is crushing that he believes that I would ever do this .... especially now at my age. He thinks that I stay up all night talking to this man ...as if I could at my age! I have been trying to get him to share his recordings and video tapes with someone else ...so that he can get an opinion from them. Although if 50 people were to listen and view his materials .... they would all say the could not hear or see what he is seeing .... and he would still not believe them. He refuses to entertain the concept that he may be wrong or that he has some kind of problem. This is an incidious disorder. I feel like my husband has cancer of the mind ...so I forgive him for his beliefs because I truly feel he has a horrible mental illness. If I could go back in time and show him a glimpse of what he would be doing now ... I know he would be horrified.

Hello Marmode, I would start your own thread to get the support you need, this is an old one!

He sound horrific & mentally ill! How old is he?

My husband is 69 years old. He was a high school biology teacher for many years. He was well loved by his students and was an attentive father to our boys while they were growing up. He was a good husband up until the age of 66 when he started exhibiting these delusional jealousy symptoms. He has COPD and peripheral neuropathy and a few other health issues. From what I have been researching ... his delusions could possibly stem from a neural degerative issue. I have tried to get him to have an MRI .... but he refuses because he does not believe he has a problem. During the morning times ... he is calmer and more like his old self. The accusations and anger generally surface late afternoon into the evening. In the beginning when this whole situation began .. I was shocked, angry and hurt ...but now I realize it is part of some disease scenario. I try to take it one day at a time ...and enjoy the moments when he seems to be the man I once knew.

To : Leotardrock ..... I am new to this forum. How do I start my own thread? Haven't been able to figure it out. I am here because it is a way for me to vent my feelings. I live in a small mountain town and I don't really want to discuss this issue with my neighbors or friends in town. It is good for me to talk to others who may be experiencing what I am. Also ...it would be good to hear some 'helpful' tips or advice.

So sorry, @marmode. Google "sundowning": he may have a dementia.

I don’t have morbid jealousy. But let me tell you who did - George Tannous did & Mourad Kellollo did - each killed their wives.
The number 1 reason behind intimidate partner violence is jealously. Now you may not want to take advice, but god forbid your children see you killed by their father.

Hi! How did he get this diagnosis of 'morbid jealousy'? Is this a diagnosis you've given him? If you look it up, it explains that it's part of a 'family' of delusional/psychotic illnesses and it can also be linked to smoking weed. I can 100% see that you're trying to help him by 'understanding' him but psychotic illness cannot be 'understood'. Understanding how cancer works in a body doesn't help a person to get better and it's exactly the same with psychiatric illness also.

My sons psychosis was brought on my stress and his weed habit. He never recovered and now has paranoid schizophrenia. Your story and his behaviour ring many bells and raise many flags. Please please please speak to doctors etc urgently.

what happens when his delusions move towards your children? And they will… he’ll think he’s protecting them from perceived harm etc. My son tried drugging his younger brothers food and drinks with all sorts in the belief it would save him from some unknown threat.

Dr. Xavier Amador has done some pretty groundbreaking research on the topic of dealing with delusional disorder but the hope he provides is difficult to apply. Check him out on YouTube.

Hi everyone,

We are closing this thread now as it was started a while ago. Please feel free to start new threads.