Morbid/Delusional Jealousy - Any sufferers out there

[Sshhbear]

I am keen to hear from anyone who suffers from morbid jealousy. My partner of 16 years seem to have developed it over the last year and I am desperately researching information on the subject in an attempt to get him to realise that he has a problem. At this stage he's in complete denial that there is anything wrong with him and believes it's up to me to prove him wrong and earn his trust back.
I'm particularly interested in hearing from sufferers as I would like to be able to read some stories from others to help him realise that he needs help.
His main symptoms are:

• Believing whole heartedly that I have had and may still be having an affair. He knows I'm a bit of a prude and he knows I have never cheated in the past with him or anyone else.
• Controlling my activities - at the moment he has asked me to go two months without leaving the house unattended (by him and/or the kids). Previously this was 'until we get married'. He believes this is the answer to making sure I'm not up to anything.
• Thinking irrational things - he thinks I'm getting up in the middle of the night while he's sleeping and having sex with another man on our front deck. Important to note he's a light sleeper, I'm a heavy sleeper and our deck is not at all private from the street.
• Threatening me (aggressively saying "look out if I ever find out I am right") - he is not violent and has never layed a hand on me
• Walking around swinging a baseball bat for exercise - most of the time to help him get his strength back post shoulder reconstruction but other times, when he's feeling frustrated. He never threatens me with the bat but it is still intimidating.
• Blaming me for his feelings. He doesn't believe his gut feelings could possibly be wrong. Says he's not stupid and for him to feel this means that I am to blame because it is my actions that have caused it.
• He is toying with the idea that maybe I'm schitzophrenic and that's why I keep lying to him about my perceived infidelity.

I am 47 and also going through early menopause symptoms. I am nervous and jumpy and while I know anxiety can happen with menopause, I think it's because I'm worn out and emotionally spent after 11 months of accusations. Unfortunately, he sees my anxiety as caused by the emotional stress I am under managing two relationships (the second one being the one that doesn't exist).

I took him to his dr and she referred us to their psychologist. This didn't go well. He walked out after half an hour alone with her saying she couldn't help. He says this is because I had already spoken to her first and she wouldn't give an opinion on who was right.

I posted back in November 17 asking for advice on this same subject as I was getting married in March 18 to my man. 16 years is a long time and I love my other half dearly so despite some people suggesting I didn't go through with the wedding, I did anyway. Don't judge me on this please.

Are you able to drive? Can you call your mother?

Don't worry about the way things look to other people. Just think about how you can get out right now.

I am so sorry it's come to this - as above, maybe make an excuse that you need to go to the ships with the DC to get, I don't know, something for school, and just leave his fit bit at the shop along with your own phone and go to your parents or a friend's. You'll have to explain afterwards to the DC but you must take them with you, there's too much of a risk to them from your DH's rage when he realises you've gone. Or could you say your mum isn't well and you want to go and check on her? If you are safe til the morning can you go out to take the DC to school and just keep going? Thinking of you.

I came here to say that first of all you need to seek help for yourself because everything you have posted is minimising the seriousness of what he is doing and how he is. I see, however, that things have escalated. Do not, under any circumstances, agree to go anywhere and leave your children with him. Get them and you out of there and call the police. Tell them everything and give him the opportunity to receive appropriate psychiatric help. Do not hide the marijuana use! If he refuses help, you need to walk away because he is ill, is a danger to you and is in complete denial.

Don't go to your mum's if he can easily follow you there. Go further away to somewhere he would not expect you to go (park, library?) and call help from there.

It's by no means a given that he will be sectioned. If he refuses to accept help and won't take antipsychotic medication, you and the children cannot be anywhere near him.

Op I hope you haven't been back here for over an hour because you are taking action. But please get back to us when you can. People are very worried about you here.

If you think he won't let you leave then you need to call a friend or relative to come and get you.

And I disagree, this is most definitely a police matter. If you have no one else to call then call the police.

Good luck

sorry ignore the grin butterfingers

I would DEFINITELY call the police. His behaviour is very very serious..however he might be good at manipulating and act completely normal around them..it's an issue..but as long as YOU get out it will get sorted eventually..you can't hide you have psychosis forever...go to your parents..or a friends house...if you are unable to physically leave call the police and tell them you are scared for your and your childrens lifes and need assistance..

It won't be trivial to them..trust me...
Best case scenario he kicks off when they come and they take him to psychiatric ward where he will be given meds to calm him dowm..they will keep him as long as they can..if you get a good psychiatrist they can keep him against his will..

I've not read the whole thread, but he's suffering from Othello syndrome, aka morbid jealousy as you've said OP.

It didn't end well for his wife Desdemona.

This disorder occurs when a person typically makes repeated accusations that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful, based on insignificant, minimal, or no evidence, often citing seemingly normal or everyday events or material to back up their claims.

Unlike other delusional disorders, people who suffer from this disorder have a strong association with stalking, cyberstalking, sabotage, or even violence. It can be found in the context of schizophrenia and delusional disorder, such as bipolar disorder, but is also associated with alcoholism and sexual dysfunction and has been reported after neurological illness.

www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201609/othello-syndrome-passion-can-be-pathological-and-deadly

Just seen your update OP. I hope you're realising how serious this is and making your escape.

He needs help. The psychiatrist should have told you about the potential danger you were in.

OP read the post again from the psychiatrist that posted on here.

@MoseShrute was the psychiatrist that posted. PLEASE take that advice

Screenshot of @MoseShrute's excellent post from earlier for ease of finding.

Think about what advice you would give your daughter if she came to you and described the same situation with her husband.

I suspect it would be along the lines of "sod that. Leave. Leave now"

@LadyFlumpalot thanks ... didn't think to screenshot 👍🏼

Thanks for your concern everyone. It was tricky and I felt horrible doing it but we are out. I know he is suffering too but hoping we can get a plan into action while there is some separating. Thank you again

So pleased you are safe x

This sounds a lot like the behaviour of my ex ten years ago. He thought I was cheating, he also smoked marijuana. He assaulted me one night completely out of the blue.

Well done sshhbear. You've absolutely done the right thing. Please don't be tempted to go back there. He is probably now convinced you've run off with the imaginary lover, so you won't be safe. If you need anything from the house get others (plural) to go .

Meanwhile you can set the ball rolling towards getting him some help. Now that you're out of the situation you'll begin to realise how serious it was.

You can explain gently to the children that their dad is unwell and you needed to leave.

Hope it all works out well for you x

Stop saying he's doing nothing in particular wrong he's emotionally abusing you and your kids. He's being controlling and is clearly psychotic it's not a safe environment for you or the kids. I'm so glad your out do not go back or put yourself or your kids alone with him , he will harm you, he'll be even more paranoid now he can't track your every move. Does he know where you are?

You must find a place of safety fast.

He's quite possibly tracking your phone.

Please don't think you and your children are safe, even when you speak to the authorities.

Ironically, you've got to be as paranoid as he is to stay safe.

Please don't ever think you can fix this by yourself.

Just ditch your phone ASAP leave it with the police perhaps?

Very relieved to read that you are out OP

As PPs have said, he will be tracking your phone and possibly your car. Switch the phone off completely for now and either ditch it or get someone techno-savvy to clear any apps/restore factory settings.

If he has access to transport be prepared to find he is stalking you. I would also suggest you let the DCs school know what is happening and make sure, at least for now, they are not to let him collect or remove them.