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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

999 replies

Jaxinthebox · 03/05/2018 07:29

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Costaricachica · 10/05/2018 18:45

RunsforCake14 I'd say you were spot on unfortunately. He's hardly being chatty and making the effort is he.

Skyrabbit · 10/05/2018 19:02

runs I'd say hook up. A rather spectacular one who can't even be arsed to make conversation. Maybe you were just supposed to Send Nudes or something 😂

LanguidLobster · 10/05/2018 19:19

runs he was a bit dismissive and didn't make enough effort.

I'm not doing OLD and have been speaking quite a lot to 2 blokes from my old town, both no go really. First is only a friend and there's no way we're suited (I'm already getting nervous about seeing him on Monday as he's helping me move some stuff but his sports car is his pride and joy. I'll be nervously hovering with a duster and a vacuum cleaner, he suggested we start seeing each other but we're really not suited) and other is kind of an ex, we've kissed, but I'm just quite fond of him. We get on well just talking.

Back to the drawing board.

Bug8 · 10/05/2018 19:31

Chocmallows, I think the last one has trust issues in general to a point that if he asks something and u don't give him an answer straight away, he goes off on one thinking yo hiding something. As much as I understand the importance of being open and transparent with each other, six weeks of dating isn't enough to freely give someone every single detail of yo life and of those in yo life.

TomHardysBitontheside, he was keen to know me and I think in a long time, I hadn't met anyone who was interested in knowing me, my life......blah blah. But this guy just didn't realise that pple communicate differently and lacked patience. He just doesn't understand that the speed at which he shares info isn't the same speed am going to share. He shared a lot abt him, he was open, but when I hesitated to answer so quickly a question he asked abt my brother, he concluded that am hiding something and am bad at communication and that damaged what we had for six weeks......ridiculous considering everything else was brilliant.

Sad thing is, I was shocked when he broke up with me cos of that, had thought we would talk abt it. But since the break up, we have been chatting, we have both been very unsettled, but he doesn't want to get back together. I tried apologising, asked him to give us another chance, he seems to have made up his mind and wants to be just friends. Am trying to move on and stop talking to him cos it isn't for me, to keep chatting with an ex, I feel I won't move on if I carry chatting with him. I feel so stupid, I sound stupid, I shouldn't even be entertaining the chats but hey, will get over it.

VixenSixen · 10/05/2018 20:09

Chocmallows you nailed it in one. No message is a message, a very powerful one. Move along and invest time and effort elsewhere 🌈🙋

lookingforbutterflies · 10/05/2018 20:40

So grateful for all of your honest posts. They make me feel normal!

I had loose plans to meet Mr Teacher tonight and he's messaged a couple of times throughout the day but didn't mention the fact we'd agreed to meet for a drink tonight. I have now lost interest!

Shoegal0305 · 10/05/2018 20:45

No message IS a message!!!

Love this!!!

Was reading back thru all my messages and can't believe how keen he was to meet!!!

Met. Nothing.

Message received!

Still feels like shit tho! Hmm

Bant · 10/05/2018 21:02

Shoegal - he was keen to meet. He said you should message him if you’d like to meet again - to go for another walk. You haven’t done so.

Possibly he thought you weren’t into him. If I met someone and I liked them and they weren’t giving off many signals that they’d like to see me again, I’d probably say something like ‘let me know if you’d like to do it again’ - that way I’ve said I want to, but I’m not pestering.

He wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t want to meet again.

If you want to go for another walk, then message him and say so. If you don’t, then don’t. Stop overthinking it

Jaxinthebox · 10/05/2018 21:13

oh God Mr French hmmmmm -

Im going to back off slightly I think and see if he works a bit harder for me. That sounds like game playing and I dont want it to be, but I need him to want more than I am getting, if that makes any sense.
Nothing he has done, more what he hasnt done. Im not sure whether to be brutally honest direct with him or if it is too soon...

Bloody French, coming over here all sexy and hot.

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 10/05/2018 21:17

He's coming over there all hot and sexy??

The most exciting thing that's happening to me this evening is that I'm going to run to the corner shop shortly to get them to take a particularly stiff lid off a jar of coconut oil!

Shoegal0305 · 10/05/2018 21:27

Bant...... I've messaged him after our date to say I'd enjoyed meeting him........ he said it had been lovely too.

Then I messaged him to ask how his week was going? A few inane messages about work etc........ and now nothing?

Surely I don't have to keep making the first moves? 😞🤔

LanguidLobster · 10/05/2018 21:28

Honestly just let him know when you want a walk and take it from there!

Shoegal0305 · 10/05/2018 21:31

Languid I feel he's made it clear by not texting? Am I reading things wrong? If you were me, what would you say? Xx

Bant · 10/05/2018 21:32

Are you really expecting him to ask you out again twice?

Possibly, he’s sitting there wondering why you won’t suggest a date to meet up, as he clearly asked you to say when you wanted to go for a walk. And now you’re just sending inane messages but won’t actually take him up on his offer...

You’re not having to make the first move. He made it. He’s probably waiting for you to respond to it...

Shoegal0305 · 10/05/2018 21:33

Ok ladies...... compose me a message you think suitable? Xx

LanguidLobster · 10/05/2018 21:34

Shoe I know what you mean about wanting to be contacted, but he's been quite clear that he would like to go for a walk so just be quite precise and say when and where

Jaxinthebox · 10/05/2018 21:36

languid he came over all hot and sexy today, this afternoon... now he has gone home.

shoegal send him a message saying you would like to go for a walk and when you are free/ask when he is free. Then its done - send it and he will reply Im sure. Just go for it. Life is too bloody short.

OP posts:
Shoegal0305 · 10/05/2018 21:41

I'd like to casually ask if he'd like to see me again full stop?

Bant · 10/05/2018 21:41

I asked a woman out last week. She’d said she’d like to meet at some point so I asked her for a date.

She said yes, she’d have to sort a sitter out, I said great, let me know when you’re free. Then.. nothing.

I chased up a couple of days later, and she said she’d love to meet me but she was concerned she wouldn’t live up to my expectations of her as I have this amazing life (which I don’t) and she was quite boring (which she wasn’t) . I hadn’t really said anything about my expectations of her, I definitely hadn’t waxed lyrical about her or said how amazing she was or anything, as we haven’t met. I’d just said I’d like to meet her.

So... I said I’d like to meet her rather than make any assumptions which were probably wrong, and left it in her court.

I’m not going to chase her up about it. I asked, clearly. She has doubts about whether I’m too good for her as she obviously has confidence issues. I’m not going to try and fix her, and I’m not going to take advantage. Others will, of course.

Self fulfilling prophecy on her party there.. if she incorrectly thinks she’s not good enough for a date with me, I’m not going to continually keep trying to talk her into one. So we end up never meeting.

Bant · 10/05/2018 21:44

“hi, you suggested meeting for another walk? Im free on Sunday afternoon and was thinking of going for a wander near X as it’s beautiful round there and there’s a nice pub for a lunch. Fancy joining me?”

hatty44 · 10/05/2018 22:04

Hi please may I join the thread.

Just started online dating - got far too over invested in a gorgeous iron and think I came across a bit of a mad stalker so need to learn to play it a bit cooler! 😬
Reckon passing things by you lot first will help

Have 3 potentials at the mo but have found before they can stop texting as quickly as they start so will see if I actually get to meet any of them....

RunsforCake14 · 10/05/2018 22:19

Why is it that you can go for weeks without a hint of a date and then 4 come along at the same time?
I've got 2 sorted for the weekend, now trying to work out when to fit the others in. One I'm having diary clashes with but I'd quite like to meet. The final one probably won't happen as he hasn't agreed to any of my suggested times yet.

lookingforbutterflies · 10/05/2018 22:33

Haha Runs-I live for the day I have options!

Am I too harsh in rejecting every single man who starts with 'hi hun/babe/gorgeous'?!

LanguidLobster · 10/05/2018 22:41

Bant actually I'd ask her again - just tell her you're capable of boring her socks off Grin

Butterflies no, I find those terms a bit generic as well

Kittyb123 · 10/05/2018 22:43

Lookingfor. I hate the messages saying hun and hunny

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