Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

[Jaxinthebox]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Good to know it's not just me. Unfortunately, I think it rules out 95% of my matches!!

No message IS a message

Well...

I messaged Mr DiamondMine on Tuesday afternoon, replying to a message from him and saying that I'm going to be visiting his neck of the woods this weekend, and got no reply. Given that we haven't been able to meet again since our first date absolutely ages ago, due entirely to him having a bad back, I've been getting a bit fed up with it and with no response to that message in 48 hours I decided enough was enough. I messaged again this evening - politely - to say I was signing off from our WhatsApp conversation but had enjoyed talking to him and all the best etc. I didn't block him so he had time to read the message. Anyway, about 10 minutes later I got a reply with a profuse apology and a hospital bed selfie - no prizes for guessing where he's been the last couple of days! So no reply sometimes means they're hospitalised and off their face on opioid painkillers!!

I'm also talking to a Mr French on POF and have a date arranged for Monday. Brexit doesn't appear to be affecting Anglo-French relations on POF yet anyway

Vet just as well you didn't block him then!

Perhaps Amy's mantra should be "no message IS a message, but fire off a last it was nice talking with you message just in case of hidden issues".

I'm 1 and 3/4 on the smitten bench. Mr Cute seems like a really funny and nice man. Ok I could just have DTD hormone glasses on, but I'm going to stop over thinking and just enjoy it for the moment.

my profile is still hidden on pof - and Im still hovering near the smitten bench.
I need Mr French to invest more - time wise with me... he works so hard, its very busy at his work, so dont want to be 'needy'. We have spoken about work/life balance and spending time together. I need a bit more than a few hours on his day off though and messages on WA.

How do I say this in man speak? Actually Im off to revisit Mat Hussey.

So since DTD with Mr Academic last weekend I've had a total of 1 message sent from him. He's responded to 2 of mine. No message is a message, right??? I did say I'd like to buy him dinner and he said yes, but then nothing. Do I go ahead and suggest a day? Reading some earlier posts about this, maybe I should stop waiting. He is very flakey at messaging so part of me just says sit tight, as I don't know if he's really worth the effort.
Mr Camera (from ages ago) liked 2 of my Instagram photos yesterday. I messaged him and we chatted on and off all day. He told me he wasn't coming on to me, just telling me about something he thought I'd like. I was a bit gutted and told him so, in a jokey way, so he knows I'm keen. At the end of the day we did chat a lot yesterday, so he must at least like me, right? He's one I'd really like to win over.

TomHardy I know it's easy from where we are but YOU are the prize.
Step away from both these men and let them come to you if they want you.

Mr Camera messaged you yesterday, if he's interested let him do the same again today. Don't chase him. That's a clearer sign that he likes you than the fact he might just have been bored and lonely yesterday and needing his ego stroked.

Thanks spring that's exactly what I need to hear. It's so easy to wallow a bit when you're on your own. I have already messaged Mr Camera, in reply to the message he sent last night. But that's it. I'll see if he comes back then wait before responding. And I'll just wait and see if Mr Academic gets in touch. He knows I'd like to see him again.

My Dad died last night.
I'd do a separate post but that would be too outing.
I was with MrWow when I got the phone call. Thankfully I'd just visited the hospice with my son and we both gave him a kiss goodbye (very rare in my family).
MrWow took me back to the hospice and then home, where he stayed for a bit and chatted with me and STBX.
My dilemma is, I'd like MrWow to be with me at the funeral but this would hurt my STBX feelings hugely. He was close to my Dad, they travelled to France a few times together over the years. Is it reasonable to ask my STBX to be there at the funeral, with our son and then invite MrWow to the after bit?
Another small dilemma is that I msg MM (after going NC when I started dating MrWow) to tell him the news as he was there for me during the highs and lows of my Dad's treatment. He asked if I had anyone special to give me a hug. I told him I had but he still offered a shoulder to cry on. I'm weak and tempted but don't want to start anything up with him again.
I really don't know what happens next - the horrible bit between Dad dying and the funeral. Had a few to drink last night and now feel like a zombie.
I'm a mess atm. Sorry for rambling.
Any help anyone?

Tom He is in his cave, let him stay there for a bit. I read about this while stresing over Mr French, my friend always tells me about the man cave (basically some men retreat into themselves to process what is happening). Doesn't mean he doens't like you. You can always drop him a "hi hows your week been" text, but you will feel better if he comes to you naturally. After you DTD did you message to say you had a nice time or anything? If he knows you are keen, just leave him to it see what happens.

So after my Mr french told me he had excaped to have some time and deal with his stressful situation and asked me to leave him a voice message. Nothing, nada. That was on Wednesday. I am not going to message him at all now. if he wants he can come get, if not, i am not chasing him. I have lots of other interesting options. Its hard though isn't it, when you got to a point with someone you like then....all seems to go quiet again. Then you start all over again with someone new. But don't see it as a waste of time, each person we meet and it doesn't progress is lining us up for the right one for us. Each person teaches us something about ourselves if we look carefully enough :)

Go keep yourself busy ;)

third really sorry to hear about your dad, you are probably still a bit in shock. Mr Wow sounds like he dealt with it all like a true gent, and I guess your STBX knows you are an item. I woudl respectfully not invite him at all to the funeral, he didn't know your father, and your STBX did. How is your relationship with STBX? Will he support you? I find usually at funerals etc everyone puts aside any issues. I guess some people won't have met Mr Wow yet, so to introduce at a funeral might be a bit raw for some, especially if they feel awkward as your ex is there also.

Don't complicate your grief with the distraction of MM. No good will come of it. Use your friends and family to comfort you at this time. Lots of hugs ((()))

Tom this is for you: thedatingdirectory.co/a-guideline-to-the-man-cave/

Tom I think spring is absolutely right. It's so hard though isn't it!

Third so sorry to hear about your Dad. I agree that te funeral is probably not the best time to introduce the new man on your life. And also that the MM is a complication you really could do without right now. Hope youre being well supported. Sending hugs x

Third really sorry to hear about your dad. I agree with pudding - Mr Wow has been great but the funeral is not really a time for him to be with you.
As much as you want the comfort of someone close right now, this should be family and friends and not Mr Wow or MM.

You are right pudding and costa. Am being totally selfish. Think I'll settle for a hug from MrWow after the wake. Wasn't thinking - It'd be so awkward for him. It's about family must stop being a drama queen.

third you are not being a drama queen at all, you are wanting people around you who make you feel better and there is nothing wrong with that. Why don't you have Mr Wow on standby on the phone to call him if things get a bit much during the day, and then if you are up to it see him after. You might not want to, you might end up seeing an old friend or cousin and spend the time catching up and reminiscing.

Third I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. It's a tough time, I lost mine a few years ago. That's a good suggestion to have MrWow on stand-by and maybe see him at the end of the day. Sending you a non-Mumsnet hug.

pud the man cave thing is great, thanks! Mr Academic messaged me 2 days after DTD to see if I'd had a nice weekend. I said yes, then thanked him for dinner and said I'd pay next time. He said he'd like that. And that's pretty much it, except a photo I sent him yesterday. He's been single for years and I don't know if he has others on the go, I don't think so, but you never know. So following from advice from you, costa and spring I'm going to stay away from both him and Mr Camera and let them come to me. I have more self-respect and won't chase.

third . I am so very sorry about your Dad. My Dad passed 3 years ago so understand how you might be feeling. The others have given great advice re MM and Mr Wow and STBX.

Sending you a great big hug and please give yourself time and be gentle with yourself.

Third - I am so sorry about your dad - sending big hugs - I agree with the others about who should attend the funeral. I would also ask Mr Wow to be there for a cuddle after xxx

Sorry to hear your news third

So sorry Third. I would ask him to be there afterwards. X

Sorry to hear that third

Third sorry for your loss, I agree with the others, don’t invite him, he can support you (with hugs) after.

I think I’m going to fall out with Mr Tinder about his motorbike, he seems to think it’s funny that I don’t like them. He has got his bike MOT’d today so is back on the road with it. It’s a big fast bike. I can’t really say anything (it’s not my place as we haven’t been seeing each other long). He was so sweet to me yesterday, telling me he cares about me and today he has messaged saying it feels odd spending a day on his own but all I can think about is the bloody motorbike
If I had known a few weeks ago that he was going to be riding the bloody thing I wouldn’t have continued (he told me he was going to sell it after his last fall).

I’m sorry too, third. Take care of yourself.

third so sorry to hear about your dad x
I'd echo everyone else - see Mr Wow afterwards xx