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Original poster

Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

999 replies

Jaxinthebox · 03/05/2018 07:29

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
lookingforbutterflies · 27/05/2018 23:09

Omg @Unicornwhisperer

Unicornwhisperer · 27/05/2018 23:10

meow, chatting to other women when he had arranged a date with you is rude and disrespectful.

VetOnCall · 27/05/2018 23:41

chatting to other women when he had arranged a date with you is rude and disrespectful.

I don't agree with this, in the early stages, especially before you've even met, there's no commitment on either side. I've had 6 dates with Mr DM now and I really like him, but I've still been talking to a few other people. Until we're sleeping together and/or have discussed exclusivity then there's nothing wrong with talking to or even going on a date with someone else. If nothing else it's one of the best ways to avoid overinvesting in the early days.

Unicornwhisperer · 27/05/2018 23:54

True Vet, especially about about the overinvesting, something I have been guilty of.

esk1mo · 28/05/2018 00:27

oh god unicorn i guess maybe he’s in denial or think thats how to cope/distract himself. was it sudden or did he have time to come to terms with it?

still, very bizarre!

Unicornwhisperer · 28/05/2018 00:34

She had motor neurone disease esk1mo and deteriorated in the last eight months. I told him he was still grieving, or in denial but he was adamant that after 2 weeks he was strong and ready to get on with his life. I made it clear that I was uncomfortable with it and left.

EddSimcox · 28/05/2018 00:40

unicorn wow! unbelievable...

meow chatting with other women when he'd arranged a date isn't rude in itself, but doing so immediately before and after a date is a bit of an indication that he isn't all that interested, isn't it?

EddSimcox · 28/05/2018 00:44

Is tinder basically just for hook-ups? How do you know if you might be compatible with someone with so little info??

esk1mo · 28/05/2018 01:21

edd you’ll learn from chatting who is using it for hook ups and who is using it to meet someone for a relationship. the former are usually crude and sexual from early on, and the latter are usually more genuine in their attempts to make conversation with you.

you can always ask why they’re on tinder, i found the majority were honest with their reasons. Smile i only ever met 2 people from it, and ive stayed good friends with one.

Chocmallows · 28/05/2018 02:01

I'm missing Mr Cute. Wallowing in it and pretty much sitting on hands not to message him.

I'm seeing a friend tomorrow, but he hasn't helped as hinted he would be up for FWB. He is an ExB, but I thought we were just friends so not happy about this comment.

Lovemusic33 · 28/05/2018 10:07

I need to get a grip. Trying to go no contact with Mr Tinder but finding it hard and messaged him this morning. I know I’m wasting my time but I’m still so angry with him, I also miss him a little.

Tried taking my mind off of things by talking to other, a old iron (Mr Mountain) contacted me last night as well as another iron I was talking too before I met Mr Tinder. But I’m struggling to stop moping around feeling shit about Mr Tinder. There are a few things around my house which he has left (a few items of clothing) that I keep coming across Sad, I know things will probably seem better in a couple days, the fact it’s bank holiday and I’m spending it on my own is making me feel worse, although several people have offered to spend it with me (I just don’t feel like it).

Lovemusic33 · 28/05/2018 10:11

choc looks like your in the same situation, it’s so hard not to message. Me and Mr Tinder has been messaging for ages before we got together (daily) so it feels odd not messaging him. I really need to turn my phone off and try and find something to do but instead I’m moping around checking the phone every few minutes.

marriednotdead · 28/05/2018 10:56

Unicorn Shock

Came on to gently hand Love a grip. Gather up anything you've got of Mr Tinders, chuck it in a bag and put said bag out of sight in the binnearest place to the front door.
I try not to message that much before speaking to/ meeting people after reading all the advice on here, it's too easy to get emotionally invested.

Went out yesterday evening with a friend to a great pub with DJs, music very reminiscent of my clubbing days and same kind of people in my age group. Amused to note that these days most guys had either shaved heads, dreadlocks or hats!
Incredibly one of them was adamant that he'd been messaging me on OurTime a few weeks ago but I couldn't place him at first as I'm rubbish at converting pics to people in my head. The penny dropped a while later, he'd been a bit too cheeky and I'd cut the convo! I refreshed his memory when I saw him again, he was very apologetic and eventually I relented and gave him my number. Suspect he wants something more casual so low expectations of any progress here but he's quite amusing in person.

Chocmallows · 28/05/2018 11:27

Love I am distracting myself moodily listening to Matt Hussey and Amy Young while tidying through wardrobes and then going out. Keep busy and know it was the right thing to do. We can get through this, don't message unless it's to pick up his stuff from outside your closed door.

Best Amy Young video that jumped out to me said "cherry-picking" is worst dating mistake. We see signs of issues early on, don't want to face it, cherry-pick seeing good qualities. Later we wonder why we didn't address the issues. I fancied Mr Cute, he was great in bed, his background and way of life worked for me so I ignored signs that he could be a bit cold emotionally. I should have asked more questions to see how he feels about things as I would have known earlier he's selfish cold fish not what I want.

Sorry for all the negativity. Hoping others are having fab dates in sunny weather and married I would give him a chance, but a guarded chance.

Thenewphaseofmylife · 28/05/2018 11:28

Advice please! Had arranged a second date with MrProperty for 5pm today.

I was going to met him at his house - don't have an address or anything as I am driving back from a wedding and will be near. But he has not told me where. My last proper message was that he would let me know nearer the time where to be - we don't do lots of text chat. Since then he hasnot been online, messages are not delivered, and his phone is temporarily unavailable.

I can't decide which is more likely that he has lost broken his phone or has turned it off and is hiding?

LeChatDeNuit · 28/05/2018 11:37

When did he last message you? It sounds like he’s blocked you Confused

Sharkwithknees · 28/05/2018 11:41

Hi all, I'm new to the thread Grin I've been chatting to a few guys from OLD, one in particular has been keen to meet. I'd explained I want to chat first for a bit and potentially meet when I'm back from my hols (I go abroad tomorrow). But he's being ridiculously persistent, asking to meet nearly every day. He's just text asking if he can come to mine to 'help with suncream' Confused I no longer want to meet him, ever! How do I break this off? I can be a terrible people pleaser and I don't want to hurt his feelings, what message can I send to let him know??

LeChatDeNuit · 28/05/2018 11:42

“Hi, I don’t think we’re a good match. Best of luck with everything” and block.

Thenewphaseofmylife · 28/05/2018 12:25

LeChat my message has now been delivered, and I've just seen hes online but not read my message to blue texts.

So he could be avoiding me but would be odd as we have mutual business contacts. More likely to make an excuse. Trouble is I need to decide which way to go round the M25!

LeChatDeNuit · 28/05/2018 12:29

At the very least it’s rude to leave you in the dark about today’s plans Angry. I’d give him 30 minutes then carry on with my day.

lookingforbutterflies · 28/05/2018 15:19

Mr Friday didn't reply 😔

LeChatDeNuit · 28/05/2018 15:25

That’s really weird looking. Why on earth did he buy you a drink and add you to social media? Confused

Xiolablueviolet · 28/05/2018 15:30

Spent some time reading through this thread.

You may find evan Marc katz blog to be helpful. He has some very good, if uncomfortable advice, when you first read it.

The golden rule? Never ever ever message first. Im not saying dont approach on OLD but dont text first after exchanging numbers, dont call first dont leave voicemails. Men will do all the work if they are interested.

Don't do the asking out for the first at least 3 months and don't chase. Men move at their own pace and don't do their jobs for them.

If they aren't acting like you want, move on and don't waste time. It's a numbers game and it pays to date more than one at a time.

Also, some expectations management needed. Men are going to message other women at the same time as you and on the days you date them.

Unless you have healthy confidence and self esteem, work on that first before venturing out.

Good luck to all of you.

lookingforbutterflies · 28/05/2018 15:34

No idea @LeChatDeNuit . I guess alcohol does strange things to people. Very depressing!

LeChatDeNuit · 28/05/2018 15:40

What a load of rubbish xiola Hmm