Lets have a bit of Summer Lovin' - Dating Thread 133!

[Jaxinthebox]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Choc hmmmm, from what you've said, I'd actually wonder why I was bothering. He sounds emotionally unavailable and the sexting would put me right off. It's ok for a bit, but you do also need to know someone is there for you. If he says that about his friend and his girlfriend, he actually sounds quite disrespectful and laddish.

Whilst you say you get on well, talk for hours and he replies to messages (and these are all positive) the lack of emotion and after 7-8 weeks and the constant sexting would be red flags to me. It sounds to me like you're his FWB, rather than his girlfriend.

If I were you, I'd have a frank and open conversation with him. He needs to understand who you are and what you need from this. I dated someone last year who was emotionally unavailable. Like you, lots of chatting, got on well, but emotionally he could never give me what I needed, despite knowing what I was like We lasted 9 months. I now wish I'd ended it much earlier.

So I've joined tinder and have matched with a few people. What is the usual procedure? Should I message or wait for him to? I've matched with about 6 people and only one message. Do people tend to swipe right to keep their options open?

Had a date last night..... I thought it went well. Had a lot to talk about and had some nice food etc. There was a bit of a barrier as he was from a different country but his English was excellent and there were a couple of times where we had to try and work out a translation into English.

When it was time to go, settled the bill and went outside... then there was that awkward bit about what to do next.

It became pretty clear he was expecting to come home with me, "I don't want to leave" And I was like, uh oh.... I've seen this before 😒 I told him that if had a great evening, we should definately meet again soon but he wasn't coming home with me tonight (date 1!). He changed a bit then and when I messaged to say thanks for lovely evening etc......

Very breezy exchange by text and then nothing.

What a dick. Anyway, one less to waste time on.

I keep telling myself my own little mantra "Raise your standards and the universe will meet your there"

Think he defo just wanted sex.... 🤣😂😨😒 you sure have to work through a lot of frogs to find a decent one x

Thanks Tom you are right "laddish" does sum up how Mr Cute can come across emotionally. I have messaged to say about my doubts and I don't think this can turn around. Shame as it had potential and I think this will hit me more over the next few days as we had plans to be together.

Vixen the one bonus of him being a complete idiot at the end of the night is that you can clearly see who he is. Sharing the story is good as it serves as a reminder that some people can act brilliantly through a date as a way of securing what they want.

Edd do you fancy and like either if the RL people?

Regina If you like someone a quick "Hello, I like your profile" and add a question can start a conversation.

Herr Doktor and I have been exchanging a few messages. Just plucking up the courage to ask him out for another drink. He’s being chatty and signing of with an ‘x’ (which he wasn’t doing before we met) so I would hope that means he’s interested?

Yes Lechat it is positive, but judge him more on his behaviour over the next few dates as some can be great texting, but not so good irl.

I'm sitting on my hands to not message Mr Cute and fix things. He replied to my "I dont see how this is going to work due to X, Y and Z" message in a really noncommittal way. If he felt he could put more effort in this would be the time to show it, he isn't and I have to let this one go.

I've potentially lined up a date for Friday, however, I am not that excited about it for whatever reason. He has good chat and seems intelligent over message, I don't particularly fancy him based on pics. Has anyone gone on a date like this and been pleasantly surprised?

I’ve asked him!

Regina I think it’s worth going. It’s hard to tell from photos and you might find his personality so endearing that you start to fancy him. I didn’t fancy my ex until I got to know him better.

Is A4 around? Did you line anything else up for Sunday?

Ooo keep us posted :)

Thank you LeChatDeNuit VetonCall and RunsforCake14 I’ve now met him five times, he’s great; kind, clever, funny, interesting and we get on really well but I don’t fancy him... not even a little. He put his arm round me last night while we were watching the film and it was really nice... but I didn’t want him to kiss me.... I’ve met loads of guys online dating I did feel that with who’ve turned out to be disinterested, stringing me along or similar so I was hoping that those kind of feelings might come later.

He asked me after the third date and I told him I wasn’t sure there was anything romantic there but was happy to see if things developed.... think, sadly, I’m going to have to tell him they haven’t.

I would definitely give it a go Regina even if it doesn’t work out you’ve got in a practice date as it were and you may be surprised!

Sorry I can't keep up with everyone to respond but am reading, nodding and making mental notes!

Regina, my most recent date looked tons better than his profile pic, however read on...
He says he deliberately put up a crap pic to deter the ONS brigade, in the hope of finding someone who actually wanted something more. Not sure what to think there.

First date earlier this week went unexpectedly well, turned into 5 hours which flew by, lots of open talk and chemistry, a cheeky kiss goodnight and the agreement that we'd go for a picnic on Monday which is the first day I'm free. We ended up texting and then speaking for the next couple of days until I had to say slow down, he's too keen for my comfort levels and I am not rushing into anything.

I really like him but my gut is telling me that it may end in tears. He's got a couple of issues (MH related) and it's not the issues themselves that concern me but that he doesn't appear to be dealing with them in the way would I expect a responsible person to. I don't have enough information to know if I'm overthinking as usual or if he is cavalier/reckless and I don't want to be waiting and worrying.
It doesn't help that a colleague's BF is dragging her through the wringer while he doesn't deal with his MH and she's too scared to walk away...

Help people. Did something a bit silly last night.

Mr Tinder upset me a few days ago, I tried to tell him why I was upset but he didn't seem to get what I was saying so I have ignored him since (in hope he would work it out), I don't think he understands what a prick he has been, it's made me so angry and I don't want to see him.

Anyway a old iron messaged me last night, we were talking about the thunder and lightening which we both love and then at the last minute we decided to meet up somewhere to watch tue storms (this was 10pm last night), we ended up staying out until almost 2am and we kissed several times. He has sent me several really nice messages since. I didn't expect to really like him, he's younger than me (I usually go for younger men) and I didn't find him that attractive in his photos bit he was really sweet, easy to talk too and fun.

I now have to decide what to do, do I dump Mr Tinder, do I date new guy? Do I take a break altogether as my head is a bit of a mess right now?

Why is this dating stuff so confusing? I probably shouldn't have gone out last night, he knows my situation with Mr Tinder and thinks Mr Tinder has treated me badly, obviously he wants me to ditch him and date him instead. What a mess.

Love, separate the two for a minute.

If Mr Tinder has upset you this much and is unable to fathom why, you're just going to be resentful. Only you know if you could move on and not hold it against him, and that's assuming his attempts to contact you involve apologies. Not a fan of the silent treatment personally, would rather just say what the issue is and talk it through or walk away if it's more than I can forgive, just my take on it...

Go slow and see where it goes with the new guy. Sounds promising but there's no rush.

married I have told him what the issue is, his response was toatally inappropriate, no appolagy at all just a whole paragraph talking about himself. The message I sent home was pretty clear, I told him how upset I was about his actions but he doesn’t seem to get it. I haven’t replied to his response because there was no sign of him being sorry, he was just continuing like nothing had happened. I would love to explain what he did but it would probably put me, I have spoken to several friends who think his actions were apauling. I was just so shocked at his response which seemed to have ignored the fact I was upset, I just can’t reply to him as I’m so angry and hurt.

I don’t really want to rush into anything with anyone, I met the other guy on a hook up site but we have been chatting for ages and it became clear that he wasn’t looking for just a hook up. I really shouldn’t have gone to meet him, I didn’t expect him to be so nice. Maybe I’m just attracted to him because he seems to say the right things, unlike Mr Tinder?

I don’t know, heads all over the place. Luckily I’m out all day today with a friend so will give me time to think. I don’t think me and Mr Tinder will work out, this is the 2nd time he has upset me by being selfish in the 2 and a half months we have been together, doesn’t exactly look like he’s likely to change, I’m just seeing his true colours. He says he’s not dated for ages and needs pulling up on things but I shouldn’t have to keep pulling him up on things.

lovemusic you've had a couple of fallings out with MrTinder yes? It's such early days I would just finish with him, I doubt it'll get better. The early days should be full of romance and butterflies (the inner romantic of me thinks so!) if it's become a bit of a slog with MrTinder this early on I can't see the relationship developing. Of course, this is only my opinion and I could be completely wrong!

As for the new guy, well ultimately that's up to you. It might be good to take a break, I know when my head is a mess I need that break, just to be able to think clearly again.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Love I completely agree with marriednd ditch Mr Tinder (kindly), then get Mr Newguy to wait. Even a fortnight gap would give you breathing space to reflect on what went wrong and why. You could message Newguy, but give yourself time to do your hobbies and talk about what went wrong with friends and family. From some of the posts it sounded like you were being a people-pleaser with Mr Tinder. Maybe you need to get stronger to keep your standards up.

Things are definitely over for me. Mr Cute wasn't really emotionally available, I can see that now when I think about what was missing. I'm still gutted, heart hurts, feel low. Talking with family and friends will bring closure as he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm really good friends with my last ExB, we were together over 7 months and he was honest about being emotionally unavailable for a couple relationship, I would rather talk out an ending than leave abruptly as I think it feels more honest.

Thank you, your both right, Mr Tinder isn’t going to change, I guess I am hesitant to ditch him because I stupidly put that we were together on my Fb page and he has met the dc’s. I’m more worried about what others will think, I need to put myself first. I don’t think there’s no going back from what he has done to upset me. I don’t really feel the spark with him, he can be living and nice at times but he’s so selfish and unthoughtful most of the time, he’s just going to get worse.

Mr new guy wasn’t what I expected at all, I’m not sure if it will even go anywhere if I do date him but the kiss was amazing and I felt something ( I guess I was hoping I wouldn’t). I have no plans to go back on the dating sights until after the summer or maybe not at all.

Choc sorry about Mr Cute. I find it hard ending things with anyone (or when they end it), it doesn’t seem to get any easier which is why I’m considering packing it in.

Love I don't think you need to pack it all in, just have a break, set new boundaries and follow through.

Mr Cute was annoyed a few times we were dating as I pulled him up on his lack of effort, but it was worth trying as he could have fixed it and we would still be together now. he is just my physical type I wish I was after FWB life be easier

Well I have messaged Me Tinder and told him how fucked off I am with his behaviour and I have removed him from my th so o don't have to see his posts. Now I'm going out to enjoy a walk with a friend.

That sucks Choc, you get to wallow for a bit here ((hugs))
But if he needed pulling up more than once then his behaviour is a habit he'll struggle to break and you'll end up wanting to bury him under the patio.

After writing my earlier post, I realised that I had no option but to cancel tomorrow's date and opt out. Was hopefully kind enough but also honest, I am not risking my emotional wellbeing for anyone again, it's taken me years to feel this ok with myself.

I have so much to catch up on but not enough time...I'm not even sure what time my date is going to be today.

This guy is at a local event with his brother at a pub near my house so I said I'd meet him after that so basically feel like I'm waiting around, which I hate!! Also hate that he has consistently been on the Bumble dating app all day so far - no doubt will be even before meeting me - as it shows the area you are in.

We've sent a few messages but he's been up and messaging other women this morning before even contacting me. I know it sounds silly but I find it really off putting, you think on the day of the date you wouldn't be so bothered about messaging other women. The worst is that I'm sure it'll show when he's in my area which means he'll be messaging other women just before he meets me. But I guess that's the world of online dating. I already have my Ben and Jerry's in the freezer to have when I get in and will catch up on all your posts too. ;) X

meow my Bumble picks up my location wherever I am regardless of whether I'm online? Someone told me I'd obviously been using the app all day while I was supposed to be 40 miles away in a meeting. I was 40 miles away in a meeting and hadn't touched the app. I also get 'local' matches when I've been driving on the motorway...

Slightly baffling response from Mr Doctor. He says he would really definitely like to meet up again but has a busy week ahead, then went on to list a number of oddly specific things, but maybe we could do X but it would be a week at least.

Is that just a no dressed up as a yes? my friend thinks he’s genuinely busy but doesn’t want to sound like he’s making excuses. I think it just sounds like he’s making excuses!